Wanted: Excitement and Intrigue

I have no idea what life is right now.

I feel lost, unsure, insecure. I feel slow, heavy, jaded.

I had dinner with a friend yesterday and we spent a a few hours just talking. I haven't seen him in a while so there was lots to talk about. For him, at least. So much had happened to him and so many things were happening to him and we spent all that time just talking about every single thing I had missed in his life. And them more time on every single thing that he was looking forward to, things he had planned, the way he's grown as a person.

But when the conversation turned to me, I had nothing to say. There was nothing new to report. The time that had elapsed since we last talked was filled with monotony and dull, daily living for me. There was no intrigue or excitement. There were no new experiences and no upcoming exciting experiences to look forward to. Everything was just so boring. And I don't mean that I'm bored (though I sometimes am) or that life was boring (though it sometimes is). I just mean that I have not done anything worth talking about at all. I have not gone through anything worth sharing and I have nothing even remotely stimulating to talk about in terms of my life.

Am I that person now? Is this what my life has become? I am the boring friend. I am the jaded one who just sits and latches on to other people's stories as they tell them because it's so much more exciting than my own.

I never wanted to be this and I never thought I would be, but here I am.


But the question is, am I inherently this person? Or is this just something we all have to handle sometimes? Is it one of those many phases of life?

I sure hope so. I hope it's a phase.

I don't want to be stuck like this forever.

I want some excitement. I want to go out and get it.

But where do I begin?