My Little Road

And so my road, is pretty much wonky and wobbly and very not-straight. I seem to trip a lot on pebbles and weeds. There are trees everywhere; some old and graceful, looming over me protectively, and yet some are big and scary,hovering menacingly and casting shadows. I dare not move off the road, though I must say, the temptation is strong.


Wait, let me re-phrase that. It's not that I don't dare, its that even though I really want to sometimes, I don't. No because of fear but because of faith. I see the wonders of veering my pathway in a different direction. It's alluring, tempting. The feeling of total recklessness and freedom. Complete freedom. Who wouldn't want that? It's to die for - so may have died for freedom, as our history books tell us. No worries, no commitment, no expectations, no bills. Just you and the world, the raw world of living. I want that, and have wondered, more than once, what it would be like to live that way.

Alas, I end up always sticking to my path. I don't mean that with regret. I actually love my life. I just sometime wonder what it's like. I feel like I'm headed no where now, so why not try everything? It could be a lot of fun. But no, I don't do it. I have faith, no matter how much it wanes sometimes, that my path is set. I'm heading in the right direction, generally.

The specifics need to be worked out though. Like, which tree do I keep track of? Which weed do I pull out? Should I re-arrange the pebbles? and should the birds nest here or there? It's all a big pile of decisions to be made. My landscape, my scenery, unfolding according to my whim, based solely on my decisions. That's how I see my life. Right now, I can see, very clearly, about 20-30 years in the future. I have it planned out. The getting there is what stumps me. I have no idea what lays between here and there. But then again, it's up to me now, isn't it, to decide what goes on along the way? So, I should be able to light up my path. Not as easy as  it sounds though.

My interests are many. I skim the top of every surface I find, mostly because I'm curious. The problem is, I don't seem to have the urge to go deeper. Of course, I can make myself sink if  want to, that's completely possible when it comes to me. However, there is no passion to guide me. I have not found a single thing that is enticing enough to get me going. Nothing that is heart pounding, blood rushing, attention grabbing, or even remotely passion-inducing to get me excited about. I need to figure this out. I need to know if there is something out there for me.

Hmm... Anyway, I just found a nice little clearing along the path where I can pitch a tent. So it seems the universe is telling me to stop. Good night then fellow Earthlings, you are great! :)