Total Heartbreak.

I'm an idealistic person. I believe in good. I believe that it is possible to make this world a better place. I believe in the simplicity of love.

I live my whole life trying so hard to be compassionate, understanding. I try everyday to not be critical of other people but to be kind. I try to always give people my best listening ear and see things from their point of view. I try not to be mean. I'm constantly evaluating myself and how I treat people. I realise that I can be rude at times and I feel guilty but I do try not to do it again.

I'm a believer in love.

And so it was a real slap in the face for me today when I realised that my brother just doesn't care. All these things I stand for, all my principles, however idealistic they may be; he doesn't care for it one bit. He does not see why he has to be nice especially to strangers. For all I know, he probably thinks that I'm some silly little girl with unrealistic views and ideas about this wholly and irreversibly imperfect world.

With all I stand for, here he is, my own brother who just doesn't see it that way.

And it hurts. It hurts so completely. If my own brother doesn't see how important it is to be nice, then how is the world going to change one person at a time?

He doesn't see how much we all hurt in this world. It's inconsequential to him. Not to me. I see the hurt and I know how important one smile can be. How much one listener can help. It may sound cliché to you but it's really not. Niceness is underrated. Too underrated.

I'm going to sleep today with a hole in my heart because I just found my first unchangeable.

This whole thing is so important to me. So important that it physically hurts. And I've tried but there's nothing I can do about it.

I still have my love, my principles and my ideals. I'm not stopping. I'll change the world myself if I have to. I'll just do it without my brother.