Let's hope I'm better at being 22 than I was at being 26

I wonder why the new year is such a big deal? Fireworks, parties, resolutions. I see why it may be a big deal for school going people since a new year usually means new subjects, perhaps new teachers. But what about working adults? The first day of this year was a Wednesday. A normal Wednesday. They didn't go to work. But then they did on Thursday. So what's the fuss? I don't know, man, but I sure as hell was excited about it!

For me, new year means a new semester at university. The second semester of my second year. In about a year and a half, I'll be done with this. Incredible. I remember starting out and thinking to myself that three years is a hell of a long time to be studying again. I was wrong.

The new year also makes me think of my impending birthday anniversary. 22 years ago (minus about a months and a half), I was born. Imagine that. Or maybe don't. I get really nervous every time my birthday approaches. Honestly, I spent at least half my waking hours yesterday feeling all nauseous and anxious over turning 22.

It's always struck me as odd that I feel nervous. I mean, why wouldn't I be excited? I'm getting older, people are more likely to take me seriously. Also, the older I get, the more control I have over my own life and my decisions. I should be happy, excited. Instead, I'm happy and anxious. All that responsibility.

Also, I can't seem to imagine myself being any age other than what I am right now. Questions like, "Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years?" don't work with my brain because I don't see it as me, aged 5 years older and in the future. What I see when I try to answer the question is me right now time travelling to five years in the future, pretending to know what I'm doing and behaving in the exact way me-right-now would.

I don't know what I'd be like in five years. I don't even know if I'll be alive or have the same number of limbs; how am I supposed to know what I'd be doing with my life in that time?

So yea, birthdays make me nervous. Mostly because I have no idea what the next year of my life will bring me or how I'll will have changed by the end of it. Actually, now that I think of it, I'm also nervous because of the whole responsibility thing. I mean, c'mon, who thought it'd be a good idea to let me grow up and have a set of my own car keys and control of my own bank account?

I want to be able to handle myself well. But I also want to never let go or forget the little kid inside of me. Birthdays are just another way of celebrating the addition of another horrendously boring and routine layer of adulthood over the fun and simplicity of childhood. I have to make sure I build in a giant doorway into those layers so I can access the fun whenever I want to.

Anyways, Happy New Year :)