Total Heartbreak.

I'm an idealistic person. I believe in good. I believe that it is possible to make this world a better place. I believe in the simplicity of love.

I live my whole life trying so hard to be compassionate, understanding. I try everyday to not be critical of other people but to be kind. I try to always give people my best listening ear and see things from their point of view. I try not to be mean. I'm constantly evaluating myself and how I treat people. I realise that I can be rude at times and I feel guilty but I do try not to do it again.

I'm a believer in love.

And so it was a real slap in the face for me today when I realised that my brother just doesn't care. All these things I stand for, all my principles, however idealistic they may be; he doesn't care for it one bit. He does not see why he has to be nice especially to strangers. For all I know, he probably thinks that I'm some silly little girl with unrealistic views and ideas about this wholly and irreversibly imperfect world.

With all I stand for, here he is, my own brother who just doesn't see it that way.

And it hurts. It hurts so completely. If my own brother doesn't see how important it is to be nice, then how is the world going to change one person at a time?

He doesn't see how much we all hurt in this world. It's inconsequential to him. Not to me. I see the hurt and I know how important one smile can be. How much one listener can help. It may sound cliché to you but it's really not. Niceness is underrated. Too underrated.

I'm going to sleep today with a hole in my heart because I just found my first unchangeable.

This whole thing is so important to me. So important that it physically hurts. And I've tried but there's nothing I can do about it.

I still have my love, my principles and my ideals. I'm not stopping. I'll change the world myself if I have to. I'll just do it without my brother.

Kelab dan Persatuan, Bro!

Hello there! So, it's been more than a week. And it's not that I don't have anything to write, I just didn't feel like it :P

Anyway, I'm here now. So let's get down to business.

I'm currently working on the first PSY 111 assignment. It's kind of driving me crazy. I have no earthly idea if I'm writing what needs to be written and I don't know if my paraphrasing is good enough. The Turnitin thing is kinda confusing me and scaring me too. Also, it's due next week and I'm only halfway done!

Then there's also the LLS 101 assignment  It's a report on 2 leaders (of my choice). I have to write about their leadership styles and 2 of their dominant Big 5 personality traits. Bad news; I haven't chosen my two leaders yet, let alone start researching them. Oh no.

I think I'll survive, though. So no real worries.

I went for the Help Therapy Club meeting today. I joined 'cause they mentioned art therapy and play therapy, both of which I'm really interested in. It was ok but not what I expected, really. They seem to focus more on laughter yoga and bringing in speakers. I don't know if that's what I really wanted. I actually thought that they have regular art therapy sessions and play therapy too. But apparently not.

And I got the concept wrong too. When they mentioned play therapy, I thought of play acting not actual playing with toys. I was wrong. When they say play therapy, they mean actual playing. I dunno. I probably won't join the committee but just take part in the different therapy sessions that they conduct.

I want to be active in a club but I don't think this is it. I'm looking out for the go kart club, the CSS (they were supposed to contact me but nothing so far. Hmm..) and the mind games club. See how it goes la. I want something interactive and something I can be passionate about. Those three clubs mentioned above seem to fit the profile for now.

Why mind games? Because I love puzzles and of course games are fun. Also, I'm interested in merging psychology with games. So, this is a good setting for that. At the least, I'll be having fun:)

Why CSS? I owe it all to La Salle. My love for CSS started there and I want to be part of a CSS again. I really miss it as part of my life. I feel it adds to who I am; somehow completes me.

Why go kart? I have a need for speed! :)

*sigh*

Ok, that's it for now. More to come:)

Oh! One last thought, I really want to eat at a gourmet restaurant one day. Just to try the good food in a posh environment. Just once la.. :P

One Gobsmacking Week

Here I am, sitting in front of the desktop after just finishing with my assignment, still riding the high of completing the first assignment of my university life, being totally gobsmacked, if it is indeed at all possible to be totally gobsmacked, at how much can happen in just a week.

Let me start at the beginning, for where else can I start but at the beginning. But then again, it's not that I start at the beginning but that the beginning starts where I choose it to begin ("Stop beating around the bush and get to the point" I bet that's what you're thinking). My last post was a week ago and since then, much has happened.

First off, I dropped my laptop (talk about getting straight to the point). My innate clumsiness, in league with Newtons precious gravitational force, was all out with a personal vendetta against my laptop. I was trying to get from the hall to my room while carrying a textbook and the laptop. Whatever happened next happened so fast that before my neurons could connect to other neurons to make sense of it all, the laptop was lying face down on the ground. 

I was, of course, in panic mode. I collected my things and went into the room to assess the damage. Bad news: the textbook's front cover was folded and oh, there's a huge dent on the laptop. OMG! Panic mode went into hyper drive. Everything seemed fine except for the obvious dent. But the next day, the mouse wasn't working. And so, my barely 2 weeks old laptop is now at the doctors for some minor surgery. They say it's treatable but she'll have to live with the scars. I just hope she makes it. 

Moving on, I had my first taste of biological psychology last week. I was a little apprehensive about it which, as it turns out, I had every reason to be but as complex as the subject seems, it's a hell of a lot interesting as well which makes up for the 32 new words I had learn in the span of 3 hours. The brain really is an amazing thing. Just learning about it makes me appreciate God even more. Even the most beautiful sunsets pale in comparison to the wonder that is the human brain. I can't wait to delve deeper into this. Also, Mr Alex played a clip from Pinky and The Brain during class. It was the one where Pinky sang the brain song. It was stuck in my head for days. *Brain stem! Brain stem!*

Another awesome creation of God which I feel compelled to mention is none other than the incredible Joseph Gordon-Levitt. A few of us went to watch Premium Rush on our day off. I have to say, I never though that watching a bike messenger cycling around the streets of New York trying to escape villians could be so exciting. He was great, as only JGL can be. He's good looking in the guy-next-door-with-a-twist kind of way. He's also got this charming smile and certain je ne sais quoi which makes him oh so attractive.

It was a really good movie. The actors were all great. Sure, the story line was quite basic but the movie was delivered in such an entertaining way. It was funny and emotional as well as action packed, all at once. Basically, all you need to make a great movie. I read somewhere that the director, Rian Dawson, wrote the part of Wilee specifically for JGL. I guess that helped a lot with the success of the movie.

One last thing. There's a freshman lunch that the new psych students have to attend this Saturday which has got me looking for a wand. It's a formal lunch and the theme is 'Harry Potter'. So you can understand why I'm excited. I mean, c'mon, it's Harry Potter! How can I not be excited? :) We're supposed to come in formal attire and they're giving us robes to wear when we get there. So cool, right! I can't wait:)

Anyways, that's it for now. I think I had more to write but it's now past 1am and I'm getting sleepy. Ciao.

World Suicide Prevention Day

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.

The colour: Yellow. 

The WHO estimates that about a million people commit suicide each year. That's one death every 40 seconds or 3,000 suicide deaths every day. For every person who dies by suicide, 20 people attempt to take their own lives. The number of lives lost to suicide exceeds the number of lives lost due to homicide and war combined. Even so, the number of suicide could be more due to the fact that many suicides are hidden among other causes of death such as car accidents and unwitnessed drownings.

This is a serious issue. It need just as much exposure as breast cancer awareness and any other causes we've been fighting for over the years. It is especially important for young people. According to the WHO, suicide is one of the leading causes of death among the young.

In conjunction with World Suicide Prevention Day, the IASP (International Association for Suicide Prevention) has drawn up a list of things we can do to be part of this cause. Most of these ideas revolve around conducting exhibitions, conferences and forums for the general public. If these are too big a scale for you, the IASP also has smaller ideas that might work.

Among those ideas are, wearing Yellow on the day (10th Sept, TODAY!) to promote the cause and bring awareness to the issue. Also, you can light a candle by the window at 8pm in support of WSPDay, bringing awareness about suicide prevention and in memory of loved ones, or just anyone, lost to suicide.

This is an important day to me. I do not personally know anyone who has committed suicide or attempted to. But I know some people, friends (if you would allow the use of the term), who go through a tough time and are cutters. They are depressed and some have tried to end their lives. Naturally, this hits close to my heart.

So, I'm going to don the yellowest clothes I have and tell anyone who will listen about WSPDay. I'm lighting a candle at the stipulated time and I hope you could do the same. This is one of the biggest social issues we are facing now. It needs as much exposure as possible. 

My prayer goes out to everyone. :)

Going in Blind!

I have no class today so, I thought I'd get a start on one of my assignments. For the Into to Psych class, we have to choose one of the six theories given and write an essay about it. We have to write a clear description and an explanation of the theory as well as provide sufficient research evidence as support.

Sounds easy, or so I thought. I have no idea what to do! I thought I'd write about the Loftus Theory of False Memory. Sounds interesting enough. But I cannot figure out how to write about this. There's something called EBSCOhost which we can use for our research but I don't really know how to use it.

I can put words in the search engine and find related journals but I don't know what I'm supposed to use. I don't know which journal relates to my essay nor which part of a journal I have to cite. There are so many! Hopefully, things will be a lot clearer once I have the textbook. At least then, I'll have some point of reference.

There's also the whole APA formatting thing. I looked it up and I don't think it'll be much of an issue, but still, it seems intimidating.

I'm going to have to pluck up the courage and ask for help. But then again, who do I ask???

Hiring Now: Angry Mob. Pitchforks and Flaming Torches Required

If you have been living in Malaysia this past month or so, you would know about the rape case against national bowler, Noor Afizal Azizan. You would know that he was convicted of raping a 13-year old girl in 2009. You would also know about the outrage felt by the public when he was bound over for five years on a RM25,000 good behaviour bond. This, even though he was found guilty by the Sessions Court for statutory rape. I'm sure this outrage needs no explaining.

Apparently, the judges (The Court of Appeal's 3-member panel) decided that public interest would not be served as the perpetrator has a bright future as the national bowler. Also, they mentioned that it was consensual sex. Erm, do you understand the term Statutory Rape??

Cue the pitchforks.

Really? This is what our judges do now? Let a rapist roam free on account that he has a bright future? Keeping in mind of course that this is for the public's interest? What bright future would that be, exactly? Having Malaysia represented in international bowling events by a rapist? That's a good one. And what of the victim? The trauma she went through, the pain and suffering? All that counts for nothing now because the person who assaulted her now roams free. Also, how is this good for the public or the country? What message are you sending to the public, to rapists and to victims of rape?

These are my questions. Of course, there are more where those came from but I'm unable to type them all out on the account of my ultimate disbelief at the courts decision.

Following this, a few days ago, another rapist was set free when the courts bound another man for RM25,000 after being found guilty for statutory rape. They cited the same reasons as in the previous case. A bright future, consensual sex, blah, blah, blah.

And so, another rapist roams free.

Cue the burning torches.

Today, this headline caught my eye: Kindie owner in rape case freed.

My first thought was, "What nonsense!". (That's a favourite phrase of mine)

This, in my opinion, is happening because the decision by the Court of Appeals to set Noor Afizal Azizan free has opened a flood gate for rape cases all over Malaysia. Every young adult can now plead the "I have a bright future" case. They can use that argument and any other arguments they may be able to concoct which stems from that single bad decision made by 3 judges. Judges, by the way, who are suppose to uphold the law. They just threw this law out the window, down the drain and threw dung on it. Then burnt it to ashes.

This particular law states that it is illegal to have sexual intercourse with a minor who is under the legal age of consent (in Malaysia it's 16, for both genders). This law was formed to protect minors. Well, that didn't work, did it?

The kindie owner was accused of raping a 4 year old. He was sentenced to 20 years in jail. 4 years later, after hearing his appeal, he is freed. In this case, the judge ruled that there was a lax of physical evidence in proving that the rape actually happened. So, I guess that's fair game.

What ticked me off is this statement from the judge, "We must not forget who is involved in this rape allegation, even if she is an adult, in which woman have a tendency to exaggerate about a sexual act".

Cue angry mob. Carrying pitchforks and torches.

Really? Wow.

"Woman have the tendency to exaggerate about a sexual act."

This is debilitating stuff. Debilitating, as in, "I cannot even form complete sentences to express my outrage at how saturated this judiciary is with idiocy".

I sign off with this: If you are a Law Student in Malaysia right now, I urge you to graduate, pass the bar and please, please, knock some sense into the system. I don't think we're going to survive the 21st century if this keeps up.

For now, I'm holding out hope because, as naive as this is going to sound, I still believe that we're not completely lost yet.

(Forgive me if anything has been quoted out of context or if I've misused certain terms of law. Please let me know and I shall do my best to educate myself and correct the mistakes)