75% Tired, 25% Procrastination

The title is my reason for being here. Well, 75% a reason and 25% an excuse.

This month really is the month of horror. Halloween, check. Costume, nada. Massive pile of assignments, double check. 

Four in one week. And then another. Or more accurately: five in eight days.

3 of those are group assignments so it's not that I have to do it all by myself. I'm thankful for that. 

One of the individual assignment is a big one that I should have started on sooner, like a week before. It's a 4000 word literature review on a topic of my choosing which has to be related to cognitive/learning phenomenons in animals. Sounds peachy... but it really isn't. Interesting but immensely tedious.

I actually started a week ago but I had no idea what to look for in the highly technical journals which make up the pool of literature in the field of comparative psychology. I read journal after journal and understood only the bare minimum. So of course, I decided to hold off on it till later.

Well, later is here.

And I'm kinda panicking.

I have a little over a week to write a comprehensive paper on imitation in animals (topic of my choice). I think I can do this. Sure. I always manage to finish on time (except for one paper when I was 10 minutes late because I couldn't find parking). So what's the point in panicking, am I right?

WRONG.

This time, I have 4 other assignments to work on. Two of which are due three days before this and another that's due on the same day as this literature review. Mentally though, if I pay attention to my internal emotions and thought processes, I find that I'm in full blown anxiety mode.

I have a stack of journals to read in preparation for the in-class assignment on Tuesday. I have a reflection to write for the other Tuesday assignment.

On top of that, I have to work on an essay about the Stoic philosophical view on the meaning of life; due on Sunday. AND, write that darned lit review (this includes reading about 15 journals and trying to make sense of it).

Oh, also, I have to work on the assignment that's due on the eight day of aforementioned little-over-a-week from hell. For this, I have to read journals, help delegate sections to my group members, possibly compile all the sections and standardise the language. 

That's the big 5 for this month.

You think that's all... it's not.

I have a meeting next week for another group assignment which is due on the 17th of next month and I need to go prepared so I'll be able to contribute. That brings me up to five full assignments and one half of a sixth assignment.

Cool. I haven't had time to really paint or draw at all these past week. :(

(I realise that this is me complaining and I accept full responsibility for it. I should get a grip and get to work. Less talk and more work means less stress. I can do this)

Assignment 2: Emotional Journal

That's what I have to do for one of my classes this semester. Since it's an official assignment, I need to also include journal articles and references but the basic idea is the same; write about one particular event that made me feel one particular emotion and analyse it, as one usually does when one keeps a journal.

I was really excited when I found out that this was the assignment. Here's why.

That's it. This right here, this blog. It's basically the entire assignment.

I write my thoughts down all the time. I talk to myself like this and at least half the time, I'm analysing emotional events. This will be a fun assignment, I'm sure. The tough part will be looking for journals but I think that won't be too bad because once I pick which three emotions (or emotional events) to write about, journals will be easy to pin down.

I just need to start going through my posts and things I've written these past two months. There isn't much this year compared to the previous years but I still have some pretty decent paragraphs. I can't wait to do this (once I eventually get started la... which will probably be sometime in the middle of March).

For now, I have an exam on Tuesday to worry about. I still have lots to read for this particular subject and I've not made any progress at all. I've been putting it off. What I do have is a bunch of excuses and complaints about why it's so difficult to get any studying done with the incredibly complicated notes that we have (notes that have been scanned and uploaded for us because the textbook is so bloody expensive and our lecturer is really kind to us).

I really need to work on this productivity thing (and typing without looking at the keyboard. I'm still a novice typer).

***

We talked about emotional regulation today. As predicted, we covered Freud's ego defense mechanisms: denial, displacement, projection, rationalisation, reaction formation, regression, repression, suppression and sublimation. We also talked about emotional coping strategies such as situation modification and cognitive strategies.

Basically, how to handle your emotions.

My favourite forms of coping with extreme emotional tidal waves are sublimation and rationalisation. Rationalisation is basically what I've always done. Going through a situation or event and making sense of it. That sounds easy to do and it sometimes is but also take a lot of thinking and analysing.

Sublimation is the more creative approach. When you sublimate, you channel the strong emotions into something productive like writing poetry or making any kind of art. Using those emotions as an energy which you then transform into something creative (or nice. Just... be productive).

I think that's a smart thing to do with your emotions. I think everyone should be exposed to these coping strategies. Many people are not familiar with the idea of emotional regulation. In fact, some people may not even realise that they can control or cope with their emotions. We are not soda cans that have been rolling around the backseat, just waiting to explode when we're popped. We are intelligent mammals who have undergone many years of evolution in order to be where we are today, with the most developed cerebral cortex of any animal in the known world. So, it should stand to reason that we are capable of managing our emotions.

We just need to be taught.

I Don't Even Know What I'm Doing

Hello again.

The next few weeks are going to be really busy for me. I have 4 papers, all due within 2 weeks of each other. On top of that, I have to complete a group project for Malaysian Studies (ergh).

So, I do feel a little heavy.

Besides uni, I've decided to start exercising. Not major stuff, just mini exercises at home. So far, so good. Except that my thigh are amazingly sore right now. I am determined to get in shape, so this is the pain I have to bear.

Anyway, I was supposed to head on to the tattoo place today with my brother to make an appointment but that didn't work out because he (my brother) only had a couple hours of sleep or something. So we postponed. I am a little upset but I'm going with the 'everything happens for a reason' explanation. I now have more time to solidify my idea. I know the essence of what I want to get. I just don't know what I want it to look like. So this time has given me some space to think. I have it now. I know what I want this tattoo to look like. I'm open to other ideas that the artist might have but I know the general image and that's a relief.

For now, I'm going to have to sit down and gear up for writing. 4 papers is no joke. I have little bits and bobs for each paper, I just need to string them together. All these words and so little motivation. I feel kinda stuck in the mud and slow.

I need to find some sort of kick to get me up and running. Something to get the juices flowing. I don't know what I can do. I've rearranged my room, watched the latest Supernatural episode, baked a tart, blogged, sketched, napped and then stared at the assignment for a while.

Nothing seems to be working. I think all those things I did was really just me procrastinating.

Today, I hate the silence at home. It's solid and pressing. It's slow and demotivating. But I know that when people come back home and start talking, making noise, I'm going to be wishing for silence again. So I suppose it's not the silence. It must be the fact that I'm the only human being in this house right now. That's what bother me; is bothering me. What I want is human presence with silence. Silent company.

On a lighter note, I watched the World Mental Health Day stage production last night. It was pretty good. A friend directed and another friend acted. The PA system was a joke but everything else was pretty cool. So many talented people in this uni. And smart too. (C'mon universe, I get it already. You did good, you don't have to keep reminding me).

People are so intriguing.

People Are Not My Thing

The new DW episode will be out on the 30th of March! 

Ok, now that's out of the way, I can move on to other things. 

I wanted to talk about this semester. I realised that this semester is lighter compared to the last one in terms of the numbers of days I have to go to uni. This semester, I only have 3 days of class which is pretty good because I get a lot more time to work on my assignments. The bad side of it is that I have too much time which leads to a severe lack of motivation.

I have assignments and I am working on it much earlier that I used to but because I have so much free time, I don't feel the pressure to complete said assignments. On top of that, I have way more group assignments this semester (4 in total) which isn't good for motivation either. Every time there's a decision to be made or an adjustment to the project, we need to consult the entire group. That's can be a pain in the rear seeing as the group consists of 5-10 members. I'm sure you would agree that getting 10 university students to agree on something or even meet up for a discussion is about as easy as retrieving the golden egg from a nesting dragon, meaning, not very easy at all.

For one project, we're supposed to design and conduct a non-experimental research project and write out individual lab reports. That's one. Another project requires us to come up with a presentation about the topic of the week (our topic is on alcoholism. Which reminds me, I have yet to download the slides. I'd better do that now). Those projects are done in groups of 5. Now, in groups of 10, we're supposed to experience something 'Malaysian' and report it. For the other, we have to organised some sort of community project thing (like a fund raiser, or exhibition) and then write a report about it. So you see, this calls for some serious commitment from every one.

So far, we've only started the research project and even that is proving to be a pain. We started off ok, coming up with a research idea. However, we've hit a metaphorical bump in the road and we need to redesign out research idea. This is not going to well. We've having a little trouble finding time to meet and our brainstorming sessions via whatsapp is not going very well. 

I really like my group mates but we're not doing to good. We really need to step it up because our assessment date is coming up and we've yet to come up with a plausible research idea. We need to get cracking lest we fail this assignment which would lead to us failing the entire subject. And that's not a good thing because if we fail this particular subject, we have to spend the next semester doing nothing but resitting this subject. I do not want that. 

I hope we manage this. Soon.

Anyways, I know I sound really whiny right now and that I should embrace these assignments and learn to work with groups. I know. And I will try my best because I do think it's important. However, I do think that the 'working with people' part is not what's bothering me so much. It's the 10 people in a group that's got me irked. I can deal with small groups. But 10? Now that's just too many. It's not going to be easy. 

I guess this is a good time to increase my patience level. 

Grr.

Night folks, have a good week! 

Yodalicious!

I am having fun at uni, no doubt. I met some really cool people. They're nice and friendly and we trade sarcasm regularly. So, all is good.

But, the assignments are worrying. I can do them, no problem (so far) but I lack the motivation. I do not know where it went! And so I'm slogging through even the simplest of assignments because I'm not excited about it. There has to be a solution to this.

I just haven't found it yet.

Right now, I have to start working on the Leader Report and the Argumentative essay. Both shouldn't be that hard to do and it really isn't; I'm just having some trouble finding the energy to do it. And then there are the group assignments. I'm meeting both my groups next week. Hope it goes well.

Oh! Guess what we did yesterday?

A few of us decided to spread some positivity around KPD yesterday. So we walked around with post-it notes of positivity and stuck in on to peoples cares, bikes and office doors! We wrote stuff on the post-its that we nice, funny, cute and encouraging. The general idea was to spread some love:)

I think we did ok:) We made a lot of people smile (some probably thought, 'Oh, those meddlesome kids!) and we're happy. We should do these things more often!

Anyway, I should really get started. Peace:)

Kelab dan Persatuan, Bro!

Hello there! So, it's been more than a week. And it's not that I don't have anything to write, I just didn't feel like it :P

Anyway, I'm here now. So let's get down to business.

I'm currently working on the first PSY 111 assignment. It's kind of driving me crazy. I have no earthly idea if I'm writing what needs to be written and I don't know if my paraphrasing is good enough. The Turnitin thing is kinda confusing me and scaring me too. Also, it's due next week and I'm only halfway done!

Then there's also the LLS 101 assignment  It's a report on 2 leaders (of my choice). I have to write about their leadership styles and 2 of their dominant Big 5 personality traits. Bad news; I haven't chosen my two leaders yet, let alone start researching them. Oh no.

I think I'll survive, though. So no real worries.

I went for the Help Therapy Club meeting today. I joined 'cause they mentioned art therapy and play therapy, both of which I'm really interested in. It was ok but not what I expected, really. They seem to focus more on laughter yoga and bringing in speakers. I don't know if that's what I really wanted. I actually thought that they have regular art therapy sessions and play therapy too. But apparently not.

And I got the concept wrong too. When they mentioned play therapy, I thought of play acting not actual playing with toys. I was wrong. When they say play therapy, they mean actual playing. I dunno. I probably won't join the committee but just take part in the different therapy sessions that they conduct.

I want to be active in a club but I don't think this is it. I'm looking out for the go kart club, the CSS (they were supposed to contact me but nothing so far. Hmm..) and the mind games club. See how it goes la. I want something interactive and something I can be passionate about. Those three clubs mentioned above seem to fit the profile for now.

Why mind games? Because I love puzzles and of course games are fun. Also, I'm interested in merging psychology with games. So, this is a good setting for that. At the least, I'll be having fun:)

Why CSS? I owe it all to La Salle. My love for CSS started there and I want to be part of a CSS again. I really miss it as part of my life. I feel it adds to who I am; somehow completes me.

Why go kart? I have a need for speed! :)

*sigh*

Ok, that's it for now. More to come:)

Oh! One last thought, I really want to eat at a gourmet restaurant one day. Just to try the good food in a posh environment. Just once la.. :P

Going in Blind!

I have no class today so, I thought I'd get a start on one of my assignments. For the Into to Psych class, we have to choose one of the six theories given and write an essay about it. We have to write a clear description and an explanation of the theory as well as provide sufficient research evidence as support.

Sounds easy, or so I thought. I have no idea what to do! I thought I'd write about the Loftus Theory of False Memory. Sounds interesting enough. But I cannot figure out how to write about this. There's something called EBSCOhost which we can use for our research but I don't really know how to use it.

I can put words in the search engine and find related journals but I don't know what I'm supposed to use. I don't know which journal relates to my essay nor which part of a journal I have to cite. There are so many! Hopefully, things will be a lot clearer once I have the textbook. At least then, I'll have some point of reference.

There's also the whole APA formatting thing. I looked it up and I don't think it'll be much of an issue, but still, it seems intimidating.

I'm going to have to pluck up the courage and ask for help. But then again, who do I ask???