I Don't Even Know What I'm Doing

Hello again.

The next few weeks are going to be really busy for me. I have 4 papers, all due within 2 weeks of each other. On top of that, I have to complete a group project for Malaysian Studies (ergh).

So, I do feel a little heavy.

Besides uni, I've decided to start exercising. Not major stuff, just mini exercises at home. So far, so good. Except that my thigh are amazingly sore right now. I am determined to get in shape, so this is the pain I have to bear.

Anyway, I was supposed to head on to the tattoo place today with my brother to make an appointment but that didn't work out because he (my brother) only had a couple hours of sleep or something. So we postponed. I am a little upset but I'm going with the 'everything happens for a reason' explanation. I now have more time to solidify my idea. I know the essence of what I want to get. I just don't know what I want it to look like. So this time has given me some space to think. I have it now. I know what I want this tattoo to look like. I'm open to other ideas that the artist might have but I know the general image and that's a relief.

For now, I'm going to have to sit down and gear up for writing. 4 papers is no joke. I have little bits and bobs for each paper, I just need to string them together. All these words and so little motivation. I feel kinda stuck in the mud and slow.

I need to find some sort of kick to get me up and running. Something to get the juices flowing. I don't know what I can do. I've rearranged my room, watched the latest Supernatural episode, baked a tart, blogged, sketched, napped and then stared at the assignment for a while.

Nothing seems to be working. I think all those things I did was really just me procrastinating.

Today, I hate the silence at home. It's solid and pressing. It's slow and demotivating. But I know that when people come back home and start talking, making noise, I'm going to be wishing for silence again. So I suppose it's not the silence. It must be the fact that I'm the only human being in this house right now. That's what bother me; is bothering me. What I want is human presence with silence. Silent company.

On a lighter note, I watched the World Mental Health Day stage production last night. It was pretty good. A friend directed and another friend acted. The PA system was a joke but everything else was pretty cool. So many talented people in this uni. And smart too. (C'mon universe, I get it already. You did good, you don't have to keep reminding me).

People are so intriguing.