Hello again.
The next few weeks are going to be really busy for me. I have 4 papers, all due within 2 weeks of each other. On top of that, I have to complete a group project for Malaysian Studies (ergh).
So, I do feel a little heavy.
Besides uni, I've decided to start exercising. Not major stuff, just mini exercises at home. So far, so good. Except that my thigh are amazingly sore right now. I am determined to get in shape, so this is the pain I have to bear.
Anyway, I was supposed to head on to the tattoo place today with my brother to make an appointment but that didn't work out because he (my brother) only had a couple hours of sleep or something. So we postponed. I am a little upset but I'm going with the 'everything happens for a reason' explanation. I now have more time to solidify my idea. I know the essence of what I want to get. I just don't know what I want it to look like. So this time has given me some space to think. I have it now. I know what I want this tattoo to look like. I'm open to other ideas that the artist might have but I know the general image and that's a relief.
For now, I'm going to have to sit down and gear up for writing. 4 papers is no joke. I have little bits and bobs for each paper, I just need to string them together. All these words and so little motivation. I feel kinda stuck in the mud and slow.
I need to find some sort of kick to get me up and running. Something to get the juices flowing. I don't know what I can do. I've rearranged my room, watched the latest Supernatural episode, baked a tart, blogged, sketched, napped and then stared at the assignment for a while.
Nothing seems to be working. I think all those things I did was really just me procrastinating.
Today, I hate the silence at home. It's solid and pressing. It's slow and demotivating. But I know that when people come back home and start talking, making noise, I'm going to be wishing for silence again. So I suppose it's not the silence. It must be the fact that I'm the only human being in this house right now. That's what bother me; is bothering me. What I want is human presence with silence. Silent company.
On a lighter note, I watched the World Mental Health Day stage production last night. It was pretty good. A friend directed and another friend acted. The PA system was a joke but everything else was pretty cool. So many talented people in this uni. And smart too. (C'mon universe, I get it already. You did good, you don't have to keep reminding me).
People are so intriguing.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Monday, September 30, 2013
Fulfill Your Own Prophecy, Why Don't You!
This week seems like it's going to be a relaxing one. The calm before the storm. I still have 3 group projects to complete but we're only really starting them all next week. So for now, I'm just sitting here, wondering what to do. I suppose I could study. And maybe watch more tv shows (I have quite a few to catch up on). OR, I could do what someone once told me to; make a list of things that I like to do and go do them.
I might attempt a little bit of everything. (Update: I did some chores and then watched half a season of Haven. Whooo!)
But first I want to talk about something.
(I'll be right back, the washing machine just beeped)
I'm back.
What I wanted to talk about is how everyday, we are faced with cruel reminders of things we cannot have. I'm not talking about an iPad or a BMW. When I say things, I mean love, peace, understanding from that one person who means the world to you. You cannot always have these things.
Sometimes, you come so close only to find out that you will only ever be able to see it, but never have it.
I feel like this sometimes. I think and rethink and overthink. I get sad and I get angry. And then I realise that I should use these reminders as motivators. The universe says I can't have that? Fine then. I'll get something else, just as good or maybe even much better.
Because there's no use moping around, being sad that I didn't get what I felt I needed. Moping will not solve any of my problems. It will not get me to where I want to go. So basically, turn that frown upside down. You attract what you believe in and practice. Essentially, it's a self fulfilling prophecy.
There's a line in my social psych textbook that I really like. It says, "To strengthen our convictions, it helps to enact them. In this way, faith and love are alike; if we keep them to ourselves, they shrivel. If we enact and express them, they grow."
Little nuggets if wisdom from psychology textbooks.
I really like that line. It taught me a lot about this uncomfortable dissonance I've been feeling about my faith. I need to make a choice and stick to it. I need to be what I want to be. And that works with everything else too. If I want peace, I have to embody peace, I have to give it and show it. The same goes for love.
So that is what I will try to do.
One last thing, I woke up this morning to a beautiful message from a friend. He said he thought of me when he read this quote from Emilie Autumn's book, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls:
"You," he said, "are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain."
That is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me, as far as I can remember.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Empathy, bro.
I should be working on my assignment right now but I'm here writing to you instead. I could say that I'm taking a break but let's be honest, I've been on a break for the past 3 hours and right now, I'm extending it. This is my version of procrastination.
I was thinking, you know how I don't really care about what other people may think of me except maybe a handful of people?
Well, I realised that somewhere along the way, I've added more and more people to that list. It's not that I care more about what these specific people think. No. It's just that I've started to worry about how other people may perceive me. I'm letting that get to me.
Now, I know that caring about how people see you is not necessarily a bad thing. I just don't want to be that person. I like being me and not having to live my life according to society's standards. I don't want to have to wake up in the morning and worry about how I look to other people. What I want is to be able to choose to put on eyeliner because I like how it looks.
So that's what I'm going to do. I shall place all anxiety in a box and place it as far away in my mind as possible. I don't want it and I will not let it dictate how I live my life.
Anywho, that assignment I should be working on; it's about counselling. Specifically, questioning skills. I really like the class. It's informative and very helpful not just to aspiring counsellors but to individuals. It makes you really think about how you respond to people, how you listen to them and how you react to them. I never knew that listening behaviour was so important.
Now, every time I'm speaking to someone or listening to a friend, I am acutely aware of my body language and theirs. I try to make sure I convey that I'm listening to them without actually saying, "HEY I'M LISTENING TO YOU". I pay attention to them, their eyes, body language. The greatest bit is that by just paying a little more attention to your conversational partner, you find that you actually have the ability to empathise.
Empathy is immensely important, I think , in any relationship. Being able to relate to a person and what they're going through is the best thing you can do to make them feel loved. You don't even have to provide a solution. Just listen to them, understand their point of view and pay attention.
During practices in class, I realised that being heard makes me feel a whole lot better. Sure, as counsellors, we want to guide people to solutions they already have in their minds. We want to help them grow and develop. We want to help. But as a friend, just a normal friend, you want to listen and empathise. seriously, that is golden in a conversation.
Now, I better get back to writing.
I have a full day tomorrow. I made a to-do list. Here's to hoping I will follow it!
I was thinking, you know how I don't really care about what other people may think of me except maybe a handful of people?
Well, I realised that somewhere along the way, I've added more and more people to that list. It's not that I care more about what these specific people think. No. It's just that I've started to worry about how other people may perceive me. I'm letting that get to me.
Now, I know that caring about how people see you is not necessarily a bad thing. I just don't want to be that person. I like being me and not having to live my life according to society's standards. I don't want to have to wake up in the morning and worry about how I look to other people. What I want is to be able to choose to put on eyeliner because I like how it looks.
So that's what I'm going to do. I shall place all anxiety in a box and place it as far away in my mind as possible. I don't want it and I will not let it dictate how I live my life.
Anywho, that assignment I should be working on; it's about counselling. Specifically, questioning skills. I really like the class. It's informative and very helpful not just to aspiring counsellors but to individuals. It makes you really think about how you respond to people, how you listen to them and how you react to them. I never knew that listening behaviour was so important.
Now, every time I'm speaking to someone or listening to a friend, I am acutely aware of my body language and theirs. I try to make sure I convey that I'm listening to them without actually saying, "HEY I'M LISTENING TO YOU". I pay attention to them, their eyes, body language. The greatest bit is that by just paying a little more attention to your conversational partner, you find that you actually have the ability to empathise.
Empathy is immensely important, I think , in any relationship. Being able to relate to a person and what they're going through is the best thing you can do to make them feel loved. You don't even have to provide a solution. Just listen to them, understand their point of view and pay attention.
During practices in class, I realised that being heard makes me feel a whole lot better. Sure, as counsellors, we want to guide people to solutions they already have in their minds. We want to help them grow and develop. We want to help. But as a friend, just a normal friend, you want to listen and empathise. seriously, that is golden in a conversation.
Now, I better get back to writing.
I have a full day tomorrow. I made a to-do list. Here's to hoping I will follow it!
Monday, September 16, 2013
Listen as the Clock Ticks
Even though this class is quite dull sometimes, Counselling Skills is one of the most helpful class I've taken so far in terms of practical applications.
Learning how to listen and empathise. Learning how to distance your personal views and opinions in order to fully comprehend where someone is coming from, their issue from their point of view.
I find myself consciously using these newly learned skills and techniques. I don't know if I'll ever use them in a professional setting but I do believe that this class is very helpful even in real life situations. I'm aware of my body language, my tone, my ability to track the story I'm being told. I make sure to maintain appropriate eye contact.
The downside to this is, however, that I'm suddenly much more aware of other people's body language and tone of voice. I'm becoming critical of how people respond when I'm speaking to them. I know that we all have our own styles in attending to a person but I feel like I can spot when someone is not exactly listening to me. I know when they don't care and when they're distancing themselves. All that kind of sucks.
***
I saw a bunch of my secondary school friends. I forgot how much I like spending time with them. We're a funny bunch of people. And to be honest, most of them grew up really well. Some strapping lads and stunning ladies they turned out to be.
I've never been one for keeping in contact with people. I'm not very good with birthdays and all but I am definitely glad that I still have them around. They make me laugh. We're all so different. Yet we're all the same; united under the same classroom.
***
Finally, I've actually been keeping to my to-o list, lately. I'm on track with my weekly readings and I'm pretty much in control of all my assignments. This is a little bit of a shock to me (which is why it warrants a mention) because I usually just end up with to-do lists scrawled on random bits of paper that I never follow anyway.
I feel organised and on top of things. I'm glad I've been able to do this. Now all I have to do it make sure I keep this up. I don't want to be falling into that deep pit of procrastination again, do I? The answer is, of course, no.
Countdown:
27 days till Supernatural season 9
73 days till Doctor Who 50th Anniversary
11 days till my first assignment is due
2 days till the ERB assessment.
LISTS ARE ALWAYS HELPFUL!
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Awkward Smile and Confused Eyes
Admittedly, I was feeling pretty dejected yesterday and in the past few weeks.
I wrote my feelings out on a piece of paper (typed out on an electronic paper but those are just minor details) and it felt good to get the words out of my head.
This morning, I was feeling a little better. Still gloomy but not terribly so. As the day went by, I laughed a little, on social cues. Then I laughed a little more because people were being funny. And eventually, I started laughing because I wanted to.
My lecturer was funny, my friends were funny, my new friend was funny and even though the sky accurately reflected my morning mood, my heart felt lighter.
I did kinda sink a little before I left uni. I had a good day and the thought of being locked inside my own head again was a little daunting. My heart reflected the sky, just then.
So I got on the bus after a calming hug from Peter. I tried very hard not to scowl. I focused on my new shoes and kept telling myself to lighten up. It was a mantra in my head. The bus went along it's merry way, headed towards the LRT station.
Then a guy boarded the bus. He took out a deck of cards and started to shuffle it in like a gazillion different ways. Sometimes he stumbled, sometimes he was so quick. Being the tactless little weasley that I am, I just stared at his hands, shuffling the deck, flipping cards and doing tricks.
He saw me looking and so he said he had way too much free time on his hands. Then I watched him practice a little more. After a minute or so, he asked me to pick a card from the deck. He did a little 'magic' trick where he shuffled the deck and found my card.
I saw the trick though and I told him so (yea Kath, strike at a guys ego before you even introduce yourself. Genius).
Anyways, we started talking a little after that. He's name is Joshua and he's an ADP student. He's been shuffling cards with style for about 6 months and he thinks I look like I'm 18 years old (What's new? When he said that, I just said, "Yea, I know." Perfect, if I wanted to sound arrogant.) I told him I was from Shah Alam and he proceeded to say something in terrible BM (he admitted he was terrible at it ok) and I said I've heard worse (not much worse, to be honest, but one point to me for not damaging his ego even more).
Then we reached the station and went our separate ways.
What I realised the whole time was that I couldn't help myself from smiling this really awkward new person smile (which he had on as well). That's ok. To be expected. But my smile was accompanied by thoroughly confused looking eyes. That's how I greet new people when I'm on my own. I smile awkwardly and look at them like I'm a confused Castiel trying to figure out how to work sarcasm in season 4 (a Supernatural fan might get that reference. If you are not an SPN fan, then it simply means I looked very, very, very confused)
.I should work on my socialising skills.
On another note, the experiment meeting went well, I think. We managed to decide on a few important details. We're making progress and I think we can pull this off. I sure hope that our research is sound. If it's not..... NO. It is sound. We're covering all the bases. EVERYTHING, EVERY BASE SHALL BE COVERED!
I thank God for this good day. I felt him today, in all the joy. Not so much in religion though, just God.
I wrote my feelings out on a piece of paper (typed out on an electronic paper but those are just minor details) and it felt good to get the words out of my head.
This morning, I was feeling a little better. Still gloomy but not terribly so. As the day went by, I laughed a little, on social cues. Then I laughed a little more because people were being funny. And eventually, I started laughing because I wanted to.
My lecturer was funny, my friends were funny, my new friend was funny and even though the sky accurately reflected my morning mood, my heart felt lighter.
I did kinda sink a little before I left uni. I had a good day and the thought of being locked inside my own head again was a little daunting. My heart reflected the sky, just then.
So I got on the bus after a calming hug from Peter. I tried very hard not to scowl. I focused on my new shoes and kept telling myself to lighten up. It was a mantra in my head. The bus went along it's merry way, headed towards the LRT station.
Then a guy boarded the bus. He took out a deck of cards and started to shuffle it in like a gazillion different ways. Sometimes he stumbled, sometimes he was so quick. Being the tactless little weasley that I am, I just stared at his hands, shuffling the deck, flipping cards and doing tricks.
He saw me looking and so he said he had way too much free time on his hands. Then I watched him practice a little more. After a minute or so, he asked me to pick a card from the deck. He did a little 'magic' trick where he shuffled the deck and found my card.
I saw the trick though and I told him so (yea Kath, strike at a guys ego before you even introduce yourself. Genius).
Anyways, we started talking a little after that. He's name is Joshua and he's an ADP student. He's been shuffling cards with style for about 6 months and he thinks I look like I'm 18 years old (What's new? When he said that, I just said, "Yea, I know." Perfect, if I wanted to sound arrogant.) I told him I was from Shah Alam and he proceeded to say something in terrible BM (he admitted he was terrible at it ok) and I said I've heard worse (not much worse, to be honest, but one point to me for not damaging his ego even more).
Then we reached the station and went our separate ways.
What I realised the whole time was that I couldn't help myself from smiling this really awkward new person smile (which he had on as well). That's ok. To be expected. But my smile was accompanied by thoroughly confused looking eyes. That's how I greet new people when I'm on my own. I smile awkwardly and look at them like I'm a confused Castiel trying to figure out how to work sarcasm in season 4 (a Supernatural fan might get that reference. If you are not an SPN fan, then it simply means I looked very, very, very confused)
.I should work on my socialising skills.
On another note, the experiment meeting went well, I think. We managed to decide on a few important details. We're making progress and I think we can pull this off. I sure hope that our research is sound. If it's not..... NO. It is sound. We're covering all the bases. EVERYTHING, EVERY BASE SHALL BE COVERED!
I thank God for this good day. I felt him today, in all the joy. Not so much in religion though, just God.
Friday, May 17, 2013
I am human, I am human, I am human
Warning: This post is mostly a rant about how socialising sucks.
I thought that as I grew older, it would be easier to deal with other human beings. Man, was I morbidly mistaken.
Why are friendships so hard to maintain? Heck, why are they so hard to start? I know, because the world is filled with people all yearning to be understood but barely anyone is ready to understand.
Why am I irrationally upset? Is this hurt even irrational? Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?
I have no answer for any of those questions.
All I know is that I'm upset. I hate being treated like I'm such a terrible friend when in fact, I know I'm not. I don't back stab people, I am honest without being hurtful (at least I always try to be) and I even make an effort to remember important dates (I'm terrible with dates. I'm your stereotypical guy). Yet, I get treated like a bag of yucky rotten bananas.
I don't even want to try and fix this because what is the point of investing your feelings when you're only going to end up hurt anyways?
I am not a bad friend.
I am not the best but I am human and so are you. Is this an excuse? HELL YEAH IT IS. It's also a fact.
I think I deserve better than this. I think WE deserve better than this.
All that talk about accepting people for who they are and not forcing them to change to your idea of a good person but rather letting them find their way to change for the betterment of themselves. What a load of bull.
I am pissed (as you can probably gauge from my writing).
I don't like playing social mind games. Just don't. Be up front with me. I can take it. What I cannot take is all these mixed signals, shadow play and misty intentions.
I'm a simple girl. I like my alone time and my small band of friends. Power play is not what I'm after.
God, socialising is a pain in the nether regions.
I thought that as I grew older, it would be easier to deal with other human beings. Man, was I morbidly mistaken.
Why are friendships so hard to maintain? Heck, why are they so hard to start? I know, because the world is filled with people all yearning to be understood but barely anyone is ready to understand.
Why am I irrationally upset? Is this hurt even irrational? Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?
I have no answer for any of those questions.
All I know is that I'm upset. I hate being treated like I'm such a terrible friend when in fact, I know I'm not. I don't back stab people, I am honest without being hurtful (at least I always try to be) and I even make an effort to remember important dates (I'm terrible with dates. I'm your stereotypical guy). Yet, I get treated like a bag of yucky rotten bananas.
I don't even want to try and fix this because what is the point of investing your feelings when you're only going to end up hurt anyways?
I am not a bad friend.
I am not the best but I am human and so are you. Is this an excuse? HELL YEAH IT IS. It's also a fact.
I think I deserve better than this. I think WE deserve better than this.
All that talk about accepting people for who they are and not forcing them to change to your idea of a good person but rather letting them find their way to change for the betterment of themselves. What a load of bull.
I am pissed (as you can probably gauge from my writing).
I don't like playing social mind games. Just don't. Be up front with me. I can take it. What I cannot take is all these mixed signals, shadow play and misty intentions.
I'm a simple girl. I like my alone time and my small band of friends. Power play is not what I'm after.
God, socialising is a pain in the nether regions.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Whovistically Exciting!
The first day back at uni was pretty good. I was happy to see them all again. It was really nice. Everyone looks pretty much the same as they did last year only a little more tanned. I guess everyone had a little fun in the sun over the break.
Class was interesting. I like our lecturer. He's funny sometimes, and strict although not unfairly so. He's young so I guess he connects with us in a way. I'm actually excited about this subject because we get to design our own experiment AND we start with the whole SPSS stuff. I already know a bit so I'm not as worried as the others may be. I'm happy.
I'm also excited about our career guidance subject. Firstly, because it's only for the first seven weeks (yay!) and secondly, because this will be, finally, a perfect opportunity for me to explore my options for the future. After all, it's career guidance! :)
Anyways, as I've mentioned before, there's a lot going on this year. I'm merely 2 semester away from finishing my first year (yay!) and entering my second year as a psychology student (2nd year electives seem a lot more fun than 1st year electives). Also, I'm turning 21!!!
It's a big deal. Finally, an "adult" according to the law and societal standards. It's really cool. I cannot wait!
I was looking through Amazon and I found Doctor Who merchandise! Sonice Screwdrivers: Ten's (blue LED with invisible ink pen), Eleven's (green LED with prongs that extend like the real thing), River's (blue and red LED) and a trans-temporal one that looks really cool. Also, I found The Master's Laser screwdriver. I added them all to the wishlist with some notes (ehhehehe!).
ALSO, while I was looking at them screwdrivers, I found the Van Gogh 'painting' from the Vincent Episode. The one of the TARDIS exploding. It's a real poster on canvs like thingy! It's so cool! I added that to the wishlist too because it's so pretty and Vincent is one of my favourite episode:)
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Another round...
And here it is again, a new year, young and full of possibilities:)
It's been a good start to my year. I had my friends and my family and lots of excitement too:)
We had a dinner at home with friends and my brother and I stayed up till 7am the next day. I only woke up at 2pm. So basically, my last day of 2012 was also my shortest day of the year! Hahhaa.
Oh well. The first day of this year has been good, to be honest. I had a nice chat with a certain Whovian which was great. He told me about this place called Forbidden Planet which is THE place for cult entertainment (that's what is says on the website: "Your Cult Entertainment Megastore). There's a store in London but they also ship to Malaysia. The have EVERYTHING Whovian and LOTR and any other fandom you can think of (I hope). I know what I'm getting myself for my birthday:) Anyways, it was a a nice conversation to start the year with.
However, I'm not too thrilled about having to wait 4 months for the next Doctor Who episode. 4 MONTHS! That's an entire semester! But then again, perhaps it's a good thing. I can concentrate on psych and think of the new episode as a reward:)
This is a big year. I start my second semester on the 7th. Then there's the whole turning 21 thing (the whole gang!). And and, by mid-July this year, I shall be done with my first year in university. Also, Pete is leaving for the UK at the end of the year (that's still far off so I'm not going to think about it).
Davina and Peter got me this 5 year journal. I'm supposed to write one thought each day for the next 5 years. I think it's a brilliant idea. Imagine that. Writing a thought, just one thought, everyday and then going back to it after a year. Now that's really taking a walk down memory lane. I'm gonna make sure I keep some paper clips handy just in case I want to write more than one thought a day:)
Anyways, I hope we all have a great year, as always. Growing up is scary but also very exciting and I'm ready for anything.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Psychologically Artsy and Simply Chuck!
First thought, I understand now why artists come up with their best work when they're feeling their worst. Or very, very good. When you're upset, the emotion is so intense, and creativity flows easily when emotions are intense. Happiness, on the other hand, just general happiness, isn't intense enough to start the flow of creativity. Invoking creativity requires a totally unstoppable kinda happiness.
Anyways, I'm on happy mode. I like my life right now. I like the friends I've made, I like the course I'm doing, I like the people around me, I like my room, I like my laptop and I like my current schedule.
Oh, don't get me wrong. There are still things I need to work on. I feel like I've become a little selfish lately. It's partly the influence of these new friends who are either independent and have parents who like them to be teenagers/young adults, whereas I feel the need to be more involved in what's going on at home. Y'know? And of course, it's partly me undergoing my development stage of adulthood. I'm finding myself and I've been focusing on 'me' a lot.
I think it makes sense, what I'm doing. But at the same time, I feel like I need to find a balance between focusing on 'me' and focusing on every other aspect of my life. It's important that I find that balance now because I think it'll affect the person I'll be in the future. Balanced now means balanced later on as well. Right?
I've been thinking and I realised that me wanting to step down from LEYP as the head is really the wrong thing to do when it comes to the committee but it might be the right thing to do for me. I am a capable person. I can do good things. I just don't want to. I mean, I prefer not to lead a bunch of people. I can barely lead myself right now so I don't feel like I can contribute anything valuable to them.
Moving on, I like shopping. Maybe a little too much, but I really like finding the right blouse or dress, or shoes or socks. It's always fun to find something that makes you smile and want to use it every day. My style is really evolving now and I guess I'm just trying to make sure I get the right stuff; stuff that suits me. For instance, I love clothes that are flowy, sheer, made of chiffon, and are either short or ankle length (if it's a dress). This is more of an old fashioned kinda style. So, naturally, I gravitate towards second hand stuff.
But nowadays, the general fashion trend for women has started imitating that of the 20's-40's. Collared dressed, flowy skirts, fitting but not tight bodices, flats, polka dots. It's the kinda stuff that I like. Which is a problem because a lot of 'new' clothes look really good to me and I want to buy 'em! But they're just so expensive!
I do love second hand stuff, though, which helps. The only problem is that Malaysia doesn't have many second hand clothes stores. I haven't even seen one. If you know of any, please, please leave a comment! :) I really like buying things from thrift stores. There's always so much history attached to things which just adds value to them.
AND, if there's a piece of clothing I like that doesn't fit well, I can always adjust it. That's like an added bonus: getting to use the sewing machine and of course, occupy my free time!
Which reminds me, I have to start using my sewing machine :P I said before that I need to be proactive and this is a good place to start. I should hone my abysmal sewing skills. Practice makes perfect after all, no?
Speaking of art, I really want to go for some art classes. I want to paint. I want to learn about brush strokes, canvases, sculpting and working with wood or clay. I want to do all these things. I just need to find a place to do it. I feel like I have a pit of creative energy just bubbling away in me that wants to be released. Sure, it'll start of a little wonky, but I'm sure I'll get better at it once I learn to control and channel the creativity.
***
OMG!
Something awesome just happened!
CHUCK JUST REPLIED TO MY TWEET! OMG! OMG! OMG!
This is amazing! No, no. It's stupendous! No! It's SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS!!!!
Not only did he reply me, he also had good news about the book; Simple Plan: The Official Story!
And of course, this was my reaction:
OH MY GOSH! So yea, this feeling I'm having right now, it's the same feeling I had when Rupert Grint replied to my fan mail and sent me an autographed photo. This, that; same thing. Oh, the intensity of this moment is just.. Ergh.
Wow! Ok. I've calmed down. Really. Wow.
So, where was I? Ah yes, art. I really like art and I want to hone my skills as much as possible. I also want to train my brain to think more creatively. The idea I have for my career is to incorporate art with psychology. So, a therapy centre perhaps. One that provides various types of therapy, including art, music, and drama. Which means I need to ace this psychology degree, get a Master's in counselling and start exploring and throwing myself into various art, music and drama stuff.
To be honest, I wrote this post without the intention of posting it. As I wrote, I realised that what I wrote in it is actually the kind of stuff I wanted to have on my blog but never seemed to be able to write on cue. I found the cure to that; write like no one will read it. (There's a quote that's related to this. I just spent the last hour trying to find it but failed dismally. Ergh).
Anyways, :D
Anyways, I'm on happy mode. I like my life right now. I like the friends I've made, I like the course I'm doing, I like the people around me, I like my room, I like my laptop and I like my current schedule.
Oh, don't get me wrong. There are still things I need to work on. I feel like I've become a little selfish lately. It's partly the influence of these new friends who are either independent and have parents who like them to be teenagers/young adults, whereas I feel the need to be more involved in what's going on at home. Y'know? And of course, it's partly me undergoing my development stage of adulthood. I'm finding myself and I've been focusing on 'me' a lot.
I think it makes sense, what I'm doing. But at the same time, I feel like I need to find a balance between focusing on 'me' and focusing on every other aspect of my life. It's important that I find that balance now because I think it'll affect the person I'll be in the future. Balanced now means balanced later on as well. Right?
I've been thinking and I realised that me wanting to step down from LEYP as the head is really the wrong thing to do when it comes to the committee but it might be the right thing to do for me. I am a capable person. I can do good things. I just don't want to. I mean, I prefer not to lead a bunch of people. I can barely lead myself right now so I don't feel like I can contribute anything valuable to them.
Moving on, I like shopping. Maybe a little too much, but I really like finding the right blouse or dress, or shoes or socks. It's always fun to find something that makes you smile and want to use it every day. My style is really evolving now and I guess I'm just trying to make sure I get the right stuff; stuff that suits me. For instance, I love clothes that are flowy, sheer, made of chiffon, and are either short or ankle length (if it's a dress). This is more of an old fashioned kinda style. So, naturally, I gravitate towards second hand stuff.
But nowadays, the general fashion trend for women has started imitating that of the 20's-40's. Collared dressed, flowy skirts, fitting but not tight bodices, flats, polka dots. It's the kinda stuff that I like. Which is a problem because a lot of 'new' clothes look really good to me and I want to buy 'em! But they're just so expensive!
I do love second hand stuff, though, which helps. The only problem is that Malaysia doesn't have many second hand clothes stores. I haven't even seen one. If you know of any, please, please leave a comment! :) I really like buying things from thrift stores. There's always so much history attached to things which just adds value to them.
AND, if there's a piece of clothing I like that doesn't fit well, I can always adjust it. That's like an added bonus: getting to use the sewing machine and of course, occupy my free time!
Which reminds me, I have to start using my sewing machine :P I said before that I need to be proactive and this is a good place to start. I should hone my abysmal sewing skills. Practice makes perfect after all, no?
Speaking of art, I really want to go for some art classes. I want to paint. I want to learn about brush strokes, canvases, sculpting and working with wood or clay. I want to do all these things. I just need to find a place to do it. I feel like I have a pit of creative energy just bubbling away in me that wants to be released. Sure, it'll start of a little wonky, but I'm sure I'll get better at it once I learn to control and channel the creativity.
***
OMG!
Something awesome just happened!
CHUCK JUST REPLIED TO MY TWEET! OMG! OMG! OMG!
This is amazing! No, no. It's stupendous! No! It's SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS!!!!
Not only did he reply me, he also had good news about the book; Simple Plan: The Official Story!
 |
| I can't even |
 |
| Yes. That's me. |
Wow! Ok. I've calmed down. Really. Wow.
So, where was I? Ah yes, art. I really like art and I want to hone my skills as much as possible. I also want to train my brain to think more creatively. The idea I have for my career is to incorporate art with psychology. So, a therapy centre perhaps. One that provides various types of therapy, including art, music, and drama. Which means I need to ace this psychology degree, get a Master's in counselling and start exploring and throwing myself into various art, music and drama stuff.
To be honest, I wrote this post without the intention of posting it. As I wrote, I realised that what I wrote in it is actually the kind of stuff I wanted to have on my blog but never seemed to be able to write on cue. I found the cure to that; write like no one will read it. (There's a quote that's related to this. I just spent the last hour trying to find it but failed dismally. Ergh).
Anyways, :D
Monday, March 26, 2012
F1 Malaysian Grand Prix 2012!
So, I was fortunate enough to be offered the chance to work during the F1 race at Sepang last weekend. It was mind-blowing! And ear splitting too!
I was a sales girl (along with Nadiah and Adeline), selling original F1 merchandise to the masses. It was good work. Standing all day, being flooded by huge waves of people. The standing all day wasn't too bad but the scorching sun was definitely terrible. Something not even SPF130 could protect me from.
The stand we worked at had a walk-in concept, as opposed to the over-the-counter concept that every other stand had. So, that arrangement required one person to stand outside the entire time. Somehow, that 'one person' always seemed to be me!
I'm not complaining, though. I'd take the sun any time as long as I can escape the stuffy tent. Since I'm so short, I can't get a breath of fresh air at all when I'm in the tent. There was this one Dutch guy who is 8 feet tall! He's got no problems with that at all. Anywhere he stands, he's got fresher air than anyone else:)
Team Lotus and Red Bull were really popular. Their stuff were flying of the rack. From t-shirts to jackets and hats. Even car models, land-yards and snow caps! I bought a Team Lotus t-shirt for myself:) I couldn't resist!
It's green and yellow (So Malayalee). Also, I first stared liking F1 when Alonso was driving for Renault, so I really like Renault and Lotus uses their engines. Also, Kimi Raikkonen drives for Lotus now too. And most importantly, Lotus is Malaysian!! So, Team Lotus babeh! :)
I made a few new friends in those three days. Really nice people that I really like and I really want to keep in touch with:) There's Marcus's cousin, Nicole, who is really friendly. She's really nice and really normal compared to Marcus! hahaha:) And apparently, she knows Nadiah but they didn't know that they knew each other till that day.
Then there's the two Dutch guys who work for the company, Jos (pronounced as "Yos") and Elia (pronounced and "Ay-lee-a"). They're both very awesome characters. I'd love to work with them again:)
Jos started of by calling me "Ma'am" at first but I didn't respond. I'm not used to people calling me that. Then, he saw that when Nadiah called me "Kath", I turned around straight away. He called me "Kath" after that. Elia, on the other hand, kept calling me "Bob" because of my Bob Marley cap. Those guys are great. Also, they can sleep right through the race even with all the noise!! I couldn't even hear myself scream but Elia managed to take a refreshing 30 minute nap. What a champ.
This was definitely a great experience. I wouldn't mind doing it again. Not so soon, though. I don't think I can survive. I don't know how they do it! They work longer hours than us. They have to set up the tents, unpack, pack and then take down the tents too! I salute them, man!
Anyway, I had a blast and I'm glad I made new friends. I'm still riding the high from the weekend. This is what I want. Being busy and surrounded by people that are nice and whom I feel comfortable with. I've only known them for 3 days but I already think of them as friends. The jokes, the fun, the serious moments and the getting to know each other, that is life. Yay, to making new friends! :)
I shall end this post with something I told Elia when he asked me to sing for them; "The Bob (Marley) in me has died... of soul cancer. There's no coming back from that. Sorry."
Dank U, Ik zal je missen!!
*Special thanks to Google Translate
I was a sales girl (along with Nadiah and Adeline), selling original F1 merchandise to the masses. It was good work. Standing all day, being flooded by huge waves of people. The standing all day wasn't too bad but the scorching sun was definitely terrible. Something not even SPF130 could protect me from.
The stand we worked at had a walk-in concept, as opposed to the over-the-counter concept that every other stand had. So, that arrangement required one person to stand outside the entire time. Somehow, that 'one person' always seemed to be me!
I'm not complaining, though. I'd take the sun any time as long as I can escape the stuffy tent. Since I'm so short, I can't get a breath of fresh air at all when I'm in the tent. There was this one Dutch guy who is 8 feet tall! He's got no problems with that at all. Anywhere he stands, he's got fresher air than anyone else:)
Team Lotus and Red Bull were really popular. Their stuff were flying of the rack. From t-shirts to jackets and hats. Even car models, land-yards and snow caps! I bought a Team Lotus t-shirt for myself:) I couldn't resist!
It's green and yellow (So Malayalee). Also, I first stared liking F1 when Alonso was driving for Renault, so I really like Renault and Lotus uses their engines. Also, Kimi Raikkonen drives for Lotus now too. And most importantly, Lotus is Malaysian!! So, Team Lotus babeh! :)
I made a few new friends in those three days. Really nice people that I really like and I really want to keep in touch with:) There's Marcus's cousin, Nicole, who is really friendly. She's really nice and really normal compared to Marcus! hahaha:) And apparently, she knows Nadiah but they didn't know that they knew each other till that day.
Then there's the two Dutch guys who work for the company, Jos (pronounced as "Yos") and Elia (pronounced and "Ay-lee-a"). They're both very awesome characters. I'd love to work with them again:)
Jos started of by calling me "Ma'am" at first but I didn't respond. I'm not used to people calling me that. Then, he saw that when Nadiah called me "Kath", I turned around straight away. He called me "Kath" after that. Elia, on the other hand, kept calling me "Bob" because of my Bob Marley cap. Those guys are great. Also, they can sleep right through the race even with all the noise!! I couldn't even hear myself scream but Elia managed to take a refreshing 30 minute nap. What a champ.
This was definitely a great experience. I wouldn't mind doing it again. Not so soon, though. I don't think I can survive. I don't know how they do it! They work longer hours than us. They have to set up the tents, unpack, pack and then take down the tents too! I salute them, man!
Anyway, I had a blast and I'm glad I made new friends. I'm still riding the high from the weekend. This is what I want. Being busy and surrounded by people that are nice and whom I feel comfortable with. I've only known them for 3 days but I already think of them as friends. The jokes, the fun, the serious moments and the getting to know each other, that is life. Yay, to making new friends! :)
I shall end this post with something I told Elia when he asked me to sing for them; "The Bob (Marley) in me has died... of soul cancer. There's no coming back from that. Sorry."
Dank U, Ik zal je missen!!
 |
| Left to Right: Nadiah, Maurin (8 feet tall in blue), Elia, Nicole, Jessica (blonde), Jos. |
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Mish-Mash of Malaysianism.
Ok, there are a few things I wanted to talk about here but as usual, my poor memory is such a tool. I knew I should have written it down.
First up, I want to talk about being Malaysian. I've been getting a lot of slack lately for not being able to speak Tamil. Yes, I am and Indian who DOES NOT speak Tamil. I grew up in a household that spoke English. On rare occasions, I heard some Tamil conversations, really shorts one. Hence, I can understand a little, but once you go more than 5km per hour, you lose me.
Some people have said that I should be embarrassed for not being able to speak Tamil. Some even laughed at me. Well, you know what, I'm offended. Yes, I'm Indian and yes, I wish I understood the language better. However, I am a Malaysian first and foremost. My great grand parents were from India (I'm guessing, I'm not sure. I have to check that out) but I was born in Malaysia. Being Indian is my heritage. But being Malaysian is me, and it will be my children's heritage.
I'm proud to say that I can read, write and speak BM very well, as I should be able too seeing as I'm a Malaysian. I'm proud of my country. I'm not embarrassed whatsoever when people say, "You can't even speak your mother tongue?" because to me, Malay is my mother tongue. This is where I was born, where I grew up and where I live. This is my origin, and I see nothing wrong with that.
I'm not disowning my Indian heritage. I'm acknowledging that it's part of my history but it's not completely me. I am a Malaysian, and darn proud of it. So, back off. Please and thank you. :)
***
Next up, I cannot wait for my STPM results!! When are they going to release it?? AHHHHHH!!!
***
I can't wait for EUROPE! :)
***
I'm really happy because I've made a lot of new friends this year, not only at work but all over as well. I've made quite a few friends through the common love we have for Simple Plan. Seriously, they're really nice, normal people who just happen to adore SP as much as I do.
I think it's awesome.
***
Ok, this will be longer.
I always talk about living outside the box. Leading a creative life, unhindered by societal norms. It's easier said than done.
There was this window of opportunity for me to do exactly that. I had a chance to do something fun and totally out of my comfort zone. I really wanted to do it, but I let fear get in my way. I think the window of opportunity has shut tight but I might be able to open it up just a crack. Just go for it right??
On the same topic, but not so: Though I'm all for colouring outside the lines, I also happen to be a stickler for rules. I think rules are there for a reason and though sometimes, they are meant to be bent, we should still keep to them.
This might sound completely insane, but I feel that it's entirely possible to lead a creative, fulfilling, let's-colour-outside-the-lines life while still following the rules. Don't you?
First up, I want to talk about being Malaysian. I've been getting a lot of slack lately for not being able to speak Tamil. Yes, I am and Indian who DOES NOT speak Tamil. I grew up in a household that spoke English. On rare occasions, I heard some Tamil conversations, really shorts one. Hence, I can understand a little, but once you go more than 5km per hour, you lose me.
Some people have said that I should be embarrassed for not being able to speak Tamil. Some even laughed at me. Well, you know what, I'm offended. Yes, I'm Indian and yes, I wish I understood the language better. However, I am a Malaysian first and foremost. My great grand parents were from India (I'm guessing, I'm not sure. I have to check that out) but I was born in Malaysia. Being Indian is my heritage. But being Malaysian is me, and it will be my children's heritage.
I'm proud to say that I can read, write and speak BM very well, as I should be able too seeing as I'm a Malaysian. I'm proud of my country. I'm not embarrassed whatsoever when people say, "You can't even speak your mother tongue?" because to me, Malay is my mother tongue. This is where I was born, where I grew up and where I live. This is my origin, and I see nothing wrong with that.
I'm not disowning my Indian heritage. I'm acknowledging that it's part of my history but it's not completely me. I am a Malaysian, and darn proud of it. So, back off. Please and thank you. :)
***
Next up, I cannot wait for my STPM results!! When are they going to release it?? AHHHHHH!!!
***
I can't wait for EUROPE! :)
***
I'm really happy because I've made a lot of new friends this year, not only at work but all over as well. I've made quite a few friends through the common love we have for Simple Plan. Seriously, they're really nice, normal people who just happen to adore SP as much as I do.
I think it's awesome.
***
Ok, this will be longer.
I always talk about living outside the box. Leading a creative life, unhindered by societal norms. It's easier said than done.
There was this window of opportunity for me to do exactly that. I had a chance to do something fun and totally out of my comfort zone. I really wanted to do it, but I let fear get in my way. I think the window of opportunity has shut tight but I might be able to open it up just a crack. Just go for it right??
On the same topic, but not so: Though I'm all for colouring outside the lines, I also happen to be a stickler for rules. I think rules are there for a reason and though sometimes, they are meant to be bent, we should still keep to them.
This might sound completely insane, but I feel that it's entirely possible to lead a creative, fulfilling, let's-colour-outside-the-lines life while still following the rules. Don't you?
Thursday, February 16, 2012
High Above the Lights
I just realised that I missed Genting!
I went to Genting Highland with a few friends last week! :) It was awesome. We took the bus and the cable car up. It wasn't a very long ride at all. I was pretty scared while on the cable car. We were so high up!
Anyway, at the theme park, we went on many of the scary rides. My personal favourite was the Tower (I don't know what the real name is.. Hmm..) It was the one where you go up slowly then drop really fast! It was awesome!!
We also went on the rollercoaster, the flying coaster, the dinosaur boat ride and the flume ride. Spectacular! We went on the Tower about 3 times, and also twice on each coasters! I wanna go again!!! :)
The first time on each scary ride, I screamed my throat hoarse. But after that, I ended up just laughing and enjoying the adrenaline rush:)
Oh! We went on that swing thing too. The carousel-like one, where you spin really fast sitting on a chain suspended swing? Yeah, that one! Great fun:)
My favourite part, though, was the bus ride down. It was already dark and because we were so far away from the city, the sky was clear as ever. Honestly, if I knew anything about Astronomy, I would've recognized probably a dozen different constellations. I've never seen so many stars before!
That really did it for me. I decided for sure that I want to live in a farm, away from the city lights so I can enjoy the bright night sky. :) I feel in love with the sky that night! (che, so cheesy.. hahaha)
Anyways, GENTING ROCKED!
I went to Genting Highland with a few friends last week! :) It was awesome. We took the bus and the cable car up. It wasn't a very long ride at all. I was pretty scared while on the cable car. We were so high up!
Anyway, at the theme park, we went on many of the scary rides. My personal favourite was the Tower (I don't know what the real name is.. Hmm..) It was the one where you go up slowly then drop really fast! It was awesome!!
We also went on the rollercoaster, the flying coaster, the dinosaur boat ride and the flume ride. Spectacular! We went on the Tower about 3 times, and also twice on each coasters! I wanna go again!!! :)
The first time on each scary ride, I screamed my throat hoarse. But after that, I ended up just laughing and enjoying the adrenaline rush:)
Oh! We went on that swing thing too. The carousel-like one, where you spin really fast sitting on a chain suspended swing? Yeah, that one! Great fun:)
My favourite part, though, was the bus ride down. It was already dark and because we were so far away from the city, the sky was clear as ever. Honestly, if I knew anything about Astronomy, I would've recognized probably a dozen different constellations. I've never seen so many stars before!
That really did it for me. I decided for sure that I want to live in a farm, away from the city lights so I can enjoy the bright night sky. :) I feel in love with the sky that night! (che, so cheesy.. hahaha)
Anyways, GENTING ROCKED!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Broga Hills, Semenyih
I was on top of the world! :)
I finally made it to Broga. This was in the planning stages for so long that I honestly wasn't sure if it would happen or not. Thankfully, Tong isn't flaky. He was determined to keep busy and celebrate his freedom to the fullest.
We left at 4 am (They got lost on the way to my house, again!). Me and three guys, conquering the hill (Tong keeps reminding me that I shouldn't say mountain because it wasn't a mountain). Anyway, we arrived at Broga around 5.45 am. Everything was so dark! We parked at the base which was a small palm oil plantation. I mean, really small. There were like 40-50 trees only. All planted in straight and orderly rows. Anyway, the guys were all playing scared and refused to turn off the headlights till everyone had their torchlight on.
We started climbing. Barely ten minutes into it, my legs started screaming. But I kept on going. The climb didn't start too bad, actually. Only later, when we neared the first platform, it became steeper. We reached the top of the first hill in time to watch the sunrise. It wasn't one of those postcard moments kind of sunrise but it was beautiful nonetheless.
After it was bright, we continued up. Well, we had to go down a little and then up again. We went all the way near the top. We couldn't go further because there was a group of people there and the peak wasn't all that big. We settled between two huge rocks that looked like some giant sliced it in two. The view was spectacular. I could see building form so far away. I swear, I think I saw tall KL buildings.
After snapping some pictures, we made our way down. We didn't stop on the way this time because it wasn't as tiring. My toes hurt though but it wasn't too bad. On the way down, I realised just how steep most of the climb was. I loved it! :)
We headed to a small kampong for breakfast. The kampong was located right at the Selangor - Negeri Sembilan border. I could, literally, just put one foot in Selangor and the other in Negeri Sembilan. Tong had to go to Negeri Sembilan to take a U-turn. That just tickled me!
I had soft boiled eggs. I shouldn't have been but I was completely awed that the eggs had almost white shells. Well, duh! They were kampong eggs la. Free range and all. Obviously the shells were white, unlike the egss we get here which have brown shells.
Here are some pictures:)
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Wolves, Princesses and cute Boys!
Sunday:
So, I've obviously been AWOL these past few days. I've actually just been very lazy. I log in to Blogger and end up logging out again because the thought of typing out the words in my head seemed pretty dull work at the time. It still kind of is - mainly because I don't really have anything to rant about. Or, I do, but it's all little stuff that's scrunched up together which requires a certain amount of energy to untangle.
And yet, here I am, typing. I do this, oddly enough, not when I'm physically fit but when my left arm is screaming out for repose.
Ok. Change of plans. I have to sleep now, so my brother keeps telling me. Continued later.
***
Tuesday:
Hello. I must be some weirdo. I'm supposed to be working, and I thought that since the WIFI connection is down, I might actually move a little faster. Boy, could I be any more wrong. I got the broadband out. :)
Ok, so here's the scoop. My left arm was protesting on Sunday because on Saturday, I carried Dillon around a lot. He's 2 and he's a lot smaller than me but man is he heavy! Or maybe I'm just not fit? A little of both I think.
On Saturday, we were all supposed to go to Port Klang to see the Lugos ship. The Dulos' sister or something. But, big brother had a futsal tournament and we ended up going for that instead. Dillon was so excited. I can see the resemblance between my two brothers very clearly now. If I let Dillon down, he'd run right into the court! He wanted to join then but they're big buffaloes playing a friendly match. They take their futsal very seriously.
So, I had to hold on to Dillon the entire time. And every few seconds, he'd go, "Where's kohkoh?" (which means brother in Chinese, although the spelling might be wrong.) Once, big brother got out of the game because he was really tired, and he couldn't breathe properly. Dillon's attention was totally off the game. He only had eyes for his brother who he knew wasn't ok. So then, I had to carry Dillon to our brother.
So, so cute!
We ended up not going to the ship because by the time the match was over, Dillon was beat. So, they headed back and we did too.
Which then takes me backwards to Thursday. THE BIG BAD WOLF BOOK SALE!
The best book sale ever! Since I won the preview pass (picture above), mum and I got to go a day earlier. Us and another few hundred or so people. But that didn't matter at all because the hall was ENORMOUS and it felt like no one was there.
Anyway, mum and I bought many a book. I completed my Princess Diaries set, found Artemis Fowl: The Atlantic Complex and a few other good looking books. Mama bought quite a few romance novels and we we grabbed tons of recipe books! We even bought a Jamie Oliver Christmas Special Food Magazine. Sweet:)
We spent almost 2 hours in there and we could have spent more time but we didn't want to hurt out wallets too much. So, hard as it was, we dragged ourselves to the cashier and paid for our loot. Only RM200+ for about 30 books. Magical! We kinda took the extremely long way home but it was worth it.
I went to the sale again yesterday! This time, I took Nadiah, Claudine and Maria with me. We went in the evening so there wasn't much of a crowd. We didn't even have to line up to go in. We did get lost on the way though. I took the wrong turning so we ended up on the wrong side of the road from the MARDI entrance. I took one big round and started again. We made it there after 2 hours. *Phew*
The sale was still worth it though. They added more books. I was looking for the fourth Princess Diaries book (apparently I missed that ): ) But I couldn't find it. Nor did I find the Ultimate Cake book mama wanted or her novel. I did find some awesome Princess Diaries extras though. The are 10 books in the series and a few smaller books in between. Found two so far, and I'm going to start looking for the rest! Also, I found a great present for MeshPot:)
Oh, another big news, KINDLE has ARRIVED! I have my own Kindle now! IT'S ALL MINE! muahahahaha! :)
Can't wait to get started! All these books to read, and only 2 months till the end of my school life, it's stoked! :)
Okok, I have to get back to work now. Earn me some $$ :)
Monday, September 12, 2011
This Loop-D-Loop Brain of Mine
You see, the world is a crazy place. Or maybe I'm the one who is crazy. Well, either way, there's a whole lot of craziness going around here. I've heard songs about the world and it's insanity as well and many different variations of stories and poems. No one can deny it. If they do, they're blind and if they don't, then hey, they must be nuts!
I don't seem to connect (with people, I mean) and I don't want to either. I'm quite content with being the girl sitting in the corner, alone and away from the crowd; preferring to observe rather than participate. This, then, brings my thoughts around to that Paramore song which says,'and up until now I had sworn to myself that I was content with loneliness'. I think the song is called 'The Only Exception'. Well, my version would be the same, minus 'up until now', because I still feel that way. I really am happy. Well, sometimes being alone can be a little lonely but, hey, I'm content after all. So, what's there to complain about. I like being in my own little world. Sure, I have friends and family, all of whom are always there for me no matter what. Sometimes, I just feel like, even though they're around, they're not really around.
Maybe, maybe I just haven't found the right people to hang out with. Don't get me wrong, I think I've come pretty close to perfect with a few of the people around me. I love hanging out with my mum, cooking and shopping and just plain annoying her sometimes. And I also love time spent with Nad and Mina and a few other friends and family, but I hear myself call our for some alone time a lot. Especially when I'm surrounded by people I know but am not close to. You know, acquaintances, people you see in church or at a gathering.
I just don't jive with them (I do not think that was a proper use of the word 'jive'). For example, I cannot, try as hard as I might, to bring myself to understand young, materialistic and girly (maybe I could understand young it if wasn't coupled with the other two). I'm sure that's not all they are but this surface thing really puts me off. I cannot just say 'Hi', then spend the next 20 minutes pretending to care where you got your lip gloss from or who you're dating right now, because truth is, I really don't. I like people who can just stand silently and comfortably beside me, with no need of saying anything at all. There's just so few of them in the world. Most people are so uncomfortable with the silence they dub as awkward that I get all jittery just standing next to them. HELLO! Silence is not awkward if you just embrace it!
So, here I am, being content with loneliness. I do not have a problem with that at all because I know exactly (in a way) where I'll be a year from now and the thought of that - being in a new place, surrounded by new people - gets me thinking that I'm not losing anything at all. I'd probably lose contact with all these acquaintances anyway, so why bother even taking the effort to turn acquaintances into friends?
But then again, and this is my brain doing its usually loop-d-loop, maybe its the friendships we benefit from; the company and experiences that shape us. That and the goodbyes. I know, I may not know how I know but I know, that without those experiences, I'd be a completely different person. I wouldn't know myself at all. This journey, this convergence of roads between friends (acquaintances' roads do not converge, they merely run parallel to each other quite closely for a while) is what changes our course, much more effectively than an acquaintance's.
I don't seem to connect (with people, I mean) and I don't want to either. I'm quite content with being the girl sitting in the corner, alone and away from the crowd; preferring to observe rather than participate. This, then, brings my thoughts around to that Paramore song which says,'and up until now I had sworn to myself that I was content with loneliness'. I think the song is called 'The Only Exception'. Well, my version would be the same, minus 'up until now', because I still feel that way. I really am happy. Well, sometimes being alone can be a little lonely but, hey, I'm content after all. So, what's there to complain about. I like being in my own little world. Sure, I have friends and family, all of whom are always there for me no matter what. Sometimes, I just feel like, even though they're around, they're not really around.
Maybe, maybe I just haven't found the right people to hang out with. Don't get me wrong, I think I've come pretty close to perfect with a few of the people around me. I love hanging out with my mum, cooking and shopping and just plain annoying her sometimes. And I also love time spent with Nad and Mina and a few other friends and family, but I hear myself call our for some alone time a lot. Especially when I'm surrounded by people I know but am not close to. You know, acquaintances, people you see in church or at a gathering.
I just don't jive with them (I do not think that was a proper use of the word 'jive'). For example, I cannot, try as hard as I might, to bring myself to understand young, materialistic and girly (maybe I could understand young it if wasn't coupled with the other two). I'm sure that's not all they are but this surface thing really puts me off. I cannot just say 'Hi', then spend the next 20 minutes pretending to care where you got your lip gloss from or who you're dating right now, because truth is, I really don't. I like people who can just stand silently and comfortably beside me, with no need of saying anything at all. There's just so few of them in the world. Most people are so uncomfortable with the silence they dub as awkward that I get all jittery just standing next to them. HELLO! Silence is not awkward if you just embrace it!
So, here I am, being content with loneliness. I do not have a problem with that at all because I know exactly (in a way) where I'll be a year from now and the thought of that - being in a new place, surrounded by new people - gets me thinking that I'm not losing anything at all. I'd probably lose contact with all these acquaintances anyway, so why bother even taking the effort to turn acquaintances into friends?
But then again, and this is my brain doing its usually loop-d-loop, maybe its the friendships we benefit from; the company and experiences that shape us. That and the goodbyes. I know, I may not know how I know but I know, that without those experiences, I'd be a completely different person. I wouldn't know myself at all. This journey, this convergence of roads between friends (acquaintances' roads do not converge, they merely run parallel to each other quite closely for a while) is what changes our course, much more effectively than an acquaintance's.
Friday, June 3, 2011
The La Sallian Way of Life
I'm back from Ipoh! Those days were definitely memorable! (Though if you asked me right now, I can't remember everything we did (: )
Let's kick off from the beginning. We arrived at the La Salle Centre in Ipoh at around 5pm. There were already a few people there by that time. I met my room mate, Mary Ann and the three guys got their room right next to mine. We left our bags in the room and went exploring!
The whole centre was beautiful. There was a small pond of Koi fishes and trees everywhere. There were also about 5 or 6 aquariums of fishes. From goldfish to love parrot fishes and even snails! And tadpoles too, can't forget the tadpoles. That was just the La Salle Centre. There was a gate that lead to SMI. St. Michael's Institution is HUGE! The building is so old and well preserved. They have a huge football field and basketball courts. The classroom door are big and wooden. They also have what the natives call 'the 5-star toilets'. It is amazing! Really like the ones you can see in hotels. Oh, and they also have CCTV's at every corner of the school.
So that's the environment. Now let's talk about the people. My room mate is a Michaelian. There were also Georgians, Paulians, Xavierians, Josephians (Kuchingians), and some others I can't quite remember right now. All the boys were really nice. Martin Jalleh conducted most of the camp and Isaac (who works at the La Salle Centre) conducted the final part. Martin Jalleh was, of course, as good as ever. He had that infamous laugh of his, and all his jokes, old and new. I had a blast during his sessions. We also met Bro. Vincent, an 82 year old La Salle brother, Bro. Michael and Bro. Matthew. I really like all of them . They all have the gift of the gab. Whenever they spoke, they knew just how to hold our attention. Perfect when handling a bunch of teenage boys!
The sessions really help me learn a lot about myself, and La Salle and how to handle the world and my encounter with God. As Bryce said, it was a change. We all changed in one way or the other. It seemed like we had just as much free time as we had sessions. We had about 5 hours of free time on Monday afternoon. Bryce, Jon, Kevin and I sought the services of Michaelians to show us around the area. They took us to Ipoh Parade. I loved it there! It's just like Subang Parade but less. They have tons of shoes and clothing stores as well as cool graffiti T shops. I bought myself a red, green and yellow skull cap. The next night, we went to their version of Petaling Street but a lot less intimidating, Gerbang Malam. There were countless stalls selling phone covers. One guy even had a stall as big as four put together. Phone covers were hanging everywhere! I found the cover I wanted for my phone and Bryce found 2. We also bought a huge bouncy ball for Bryce's little brother. After that we took a taxi back to the La Salle Centre.
Now, We had a lot of fun there, as you now know. However, we also learnt a lot. I, for one, found out a lot about our founder La Salle. He was of a rich family but the sight of young French boys running around, too poor for school moved him to start a school for them. He was an amazing man who put God first and let God work magic through him. Slowly, his order grew and before he knew it, they were being summoned to other places to do good work. But, even La Salle had trouble. He retreated to Parsimony for a few years, tired of life and problems. That did not stop him though, for he received a letter from his fellow brothers requesting his presence. So he complied. All us La Sallians owe La Salle a whole lot. It's because of him that we now have beautiful schools set up for us us, helping us grow in a spirit of oneness and camaraderie. It's the La Sallian way, so I've learned.
I'm glad I had the chance to to experience La Salle. It's my last year here and I feel truly blessed to be a La Sallian (even though I started late in life :P ) The people I met and the things I've learnt are beautiful. The experiences and bonds are irreplaceable.
On the down side, I may never see many of them again. We all have each other's numbers and email so maybe there might be a chance, you'll never know. I'm definitely going to keep in touch with my La Sallian side:)
Another down side is that this camp has made me realise that I do not have a clue as to where I'm headed in life. I postponed my worry after SPM but now, I have to face it head on. I'm gonna be out of school in a few months and I need a course of action. A plan. I'm felling pretty lost right now. I need Fr.PM to get back soon so I can talk to him. I think he might be able to guide me a little.
Hmm, I guess for now I'll have to do some silent meditation. See where that leads me. Oh well, World, here I come!
Let's kick off from the beginning. We arrived at the La Salle Centre in Ipoh at around 5pm. There were already a few people there by that time. I met my room mate, Mary Ann and the three guys got their room right next to mine. We left our bags in the room and went exploring!
The whole centre was beautiful. There was a small pond of Koi fishes and trees everywhere. There were also about 5 or 6 aquariums of fishes. From goldfish to love parrot fishes and even snails! And tadpoles too, can't forget the tadpoles. That was just the La Salle Centre. There was a gate that lead to SMI. St. Michael's Institution is HUGE! The building is so old and well preserved. They have a huge football field and basketball courts. The classroom door are big and wooden. They also have what the natives call 'the 5-star toilets'. It is amazing! Really like the ones you can see in hotels. Oh, and they also have CCTV's at every corner of the school.
So that's the environment. Now let's talk about the people. My room mate is a Michaelian. There were also Georgians, Paulians, Xavierians, Josephians (Kuchingians), and some others I can't quite remember right now. All the boys were really nice. Martin Jalleh conducted most of the camp and Isaac (who works at the La Salle Centre) conducted the final part. Martin Jalleh was, of course, as good as ever. He had that infamous laugh of his, and all his jokes, old and new. I had a blast during his sessions. We also met Bro. Vincent, an 82 year old La Salle brother, Bro. Michael and Bro. Matthew. I really like all of them . They all have the gift of the gab. Whenever they spoke, they knew just how to hold our attention. Perfect when handling a bunch of teenage boys!
The sessions really help me learn a lot about myself, and La Salle and how to handle the world and my encounter with God. As Bryce said, it was a change. We all changed in one way or the other. It seemed like we had just as much free time as we had sessions. We had about 5 hours of free time on Monday afternoon. Bryce, Jon, Kevin and I sought the services of Michaelians to show us around the area. They took us to Ipoh Parade. I loved it there! It's just like Subang Parade but less. They have tons of shoes and clothing stores as well as cool graffiti T shops. I bought myself a red, green and yellow skull cap. The next night, we went to their version of Petaling Street but a lot less intimidating, Gerbang Malam. There were countless stalls selling phone covers. One guy even had a stall as big as four put together. Phone covers were hanging everywhere! I found the cover I wanted for my phone and Bryce found 2. We also bought a huge bouncy ball for Bryce's little brother. After that we took a taxi back to the La Salle Centre.
Now, We had a lot of fun there, as you now know. However, we also learnt a lot. I, for one, found out a lot about our founder La Salle. He was of a rich family but the sight of young French boys running around, too poor for school moved him to start a school for them. He was an amazing man who put God first and let God work magic through him. Slowly, his order grew and before he knew it, they were being summoned to other places to do good work. But, even La Salle had trouble. He retreated to Parsimony for a few years, tired of life and problems. That did not stop him though, for he received a letter from his fellow brothers requesting his presence. So he complied. All us La Sallians owe La Salle a whole lot. It's because of him that we now have beautiful schools set up for us us, helping us grow in a spirit of oneness and camaraderie. It's the La Sallian way, so I've learned.
I'm glad I had the chance to to experience La Salle. It's my last year here and I feel truly blessed to be a La Sallian (even though I started late in life :P ) The people I met and the things I've learnt are beautiful. The experiences and bonds are irreplaceable.
On the down side, I may never see many of them again. We all have each other's numbers and email so maybe there might be a chance, you'll never know. I'm definitely going to keep in touch with my La Sallian side:)
Another down side is that this camp has made me realise that I do not have a clue as to where I'm headed in life. I postponed my worry after SPM but now, I have to face it head on. I'm gonna be out of school in a few months and I need a course of action. A plan. I'm felling pretty lost right now. I need Fr.PM to get back soon so I can talk to him. I think he might be able to guide me a little.
Hmm, I guess for now I'll have to do some silent meditation. See where that leads me. Oh well, World, here I come!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Thin Ice
Plans scuppered, promises 'postponed', disappointment. It's the feeling that I hate. Disdain for the situation rather than the person/s who caused it. I do not hold anything against you for pulling out. I really don't. I do, however, blame myself for thinking you'd ever make an effort for me. I have been here for you, all the while waiting, riding the course of my moments around you. I love you and I would sacrifice a lot for you in the blink of an eye. You know that. I know you know that. But to think that you would do the same for me, that was foolishness on my part.
I have given, and given and I keep giving. All this while, I walked around you like I was on thin ice, thinking that I was the one in need of redemption and forgivness from you. I know better now. I've done my time. I have done what I needed and I've achieved salvation. You don't see that do you? You're still stuck on your pedestal, thinking that you're safe. Here's some news for you, while you were busy collecting your dues, I moved up. Look below you feet and see where you stand. Ice, baby. The thin kind.
This is not me being vindictive. This is me wrenching your eyes open. You need to realise that, this time, you were the hurtful one. This time, you need to work it out. I'm hurt and you did it. It's not about any particular incident. It's about you needing to know that you're not perfect. Also, stubborness gets you nowhere with me. I'm tired of giving in. Don't you think it's time you put in some effort from your side? I do.
Anyways, I love you. you know that, but just in case you didnt; I LOVE YOU! Just SEE me for once, kay? That's all I ask.
I have given, and given and I keep giving. All this while, I walked around you like I was on thin ice, thinking that I was the one in need of redemption and forgivness from you. I know better now. I've done my time. I have done what I needed and I've achieved salvation. You don't see that do you? You're still stuck on your pedestal, thinking that you're safe. Here's some news for you, while you were busy collecting your dues, I moved up. Look below you feet and see where you stand. Ice, baby. The thin kind.
This is not me being vindictive. This is me wrenching your eyes open. You need to realise that, this time, you were the hurtful one. This time, you need to work it out. I'm hurt and you did it. It's not about any particular incident. It's about you needing to know that you're not perfect. Also, stubborness gets you nowhere with me. I'm tired of giving in. Don't you think it's time you put in some effort from your side? I do.
Anyways, I love you. you know that, but just in case you didnt; I LOVE YOU! Just SEE me for once, kay? That's all I ask.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Emeralds of Mine
I have to blog this. I just HAVE TO!
So, I haven't mentioned this here but while in La Salle (still am in La Salle actually), I met a few gems. Amazing little creatures who I'm sure I'll remember for the rest of my life even if we happen to lose contact with each other. The first thing that strikes me is that no matter how much they deny it (only some deny it), they are truly La Sallians. They wear the greens of their badge proudly. These hand full of boys are wise beyond their years, fragile yet strong, brave, friendly, lovely and they teach me something new every time I see them (even if they don't know it).
First up, the batch of 13 year olds. Most of them (or maybe all of them?) I know from the Catholic Students Society (CSS). They're tiny (as in short), witty and actually quite brave. Form what I knew before coming to La Salle, the younger students don't usually stand up to their seniors. It's just not done. But here, they do it all the time. And in a nice way too. Always polite and wanting to show you that they're not afraid (even if their sweat glands suddenly flare up, giving them away). Always steadfast and true.
Then come the 14 year olds. Equally (some even more) witty, sarcastic yet sincere, taller, deeper (emotionally), and wise. This batch of boys I know from CSS and more. Particularly, one little creature is just so amazing when it comes to understanding. You'd expect that much from an 18 year old, not younger. Of course, their childishness is still the overwhelming factor but not as much when compared to some really spoiled brats I've been unfortunate enough to encounter. Another little creature is actually pretty fun. He is extremely friendly and I'm sure when he gets older, he'll have girls swooning over him (if he doesn't already). Add to that excellent writing skills and a lot less laziness than me, we have an amazing 14 year old blogger. I honestly lost myself in his blog. His sentence structures, choice of words, insight, wisdom and the ability to present his point of view ever so clearly has me begging for more! This child is truly talented. He has me wishing I wasn't so lazy. He manages to capture his every thought and feeling into his writing. I'm hooked (and a little envious about his talent and lack of a lazy bone when it comes to typing).
Moving on, I'm going to skip the 15 year olds because, unless I'm very much mistaken, I don't really know any. So, 16 year olds it is. Here, I've met some truly childish-way-past-their-age boys. I think once they grow up, they'll be amazing. Till then, I'm going to skip that particular breed of 16 year olds. I want to talk about the ones who've been a treasure. One boy stands out. Oddly enough, his best friend is the over-childish type. This treasure, he's actually very smart? and wise? in his own way. He's mature but at the same time, he knows that he's still a child and he makes allowances to be childish. I don't know if that made sense to anyone but me. Anyway, he has no hidden agendas, no qualms about telling you what he thinks straight up, is very open, loves what he loves no matter how weird it might be or how many people might make fun of him, and he's steady. I know that he'll always have my back, even when it will cost him something.
Then come the 17 year olds. Entering a season of change, growing taller and wider, getting smarter and wiser. Not the mention the ever busy schedule. Hopping from school to tuition to sports to various other co curricular activities and dates. These boys are indeed, forever on the move. Many of them are high achievers (whether it be academically or otherwise) and have a solid goal as well as a clear plan. That's something I hope will rub off on me soon. These boys are smart. I can see many of them going really far. And though many of them are just seasonal friends (to come and go like the leaves on a tree), one or two are definitely here to stay (in my life that is). I will not let them go, like it or not, for they are special and they make me smile and feel special too :)
Rumusnya, these gems have brought some light and shine into my life, even in the smallest of ways and I am, and forever will be, grateful. The Lord has showered upon me manna from heaven, food for my soul, in the form of beautiful people. Never forget those who bring light into your life. Even the tiniest of light can chase the darkness away. These are my gems (they do not belong to me but I do feel that somehow, at the right moments, they are there especially for me. Conceded, I know, but honest).
I love you guys and I'm ever so proud to call you my friends.
So, I haven't mentioned this here but while in La Salle (still am in La Salle actually), I met a few gems. Amazing little creatures who I'm sure I'll remember for the rest of my life even if we happen to lose contact with each other. The first thing that strikes me is that no matter how much they deny it (only some deny it), they are truly La Sallians. They wear the greens of their badge proudly. These hand full of boys are wise beyond their years, fragile yet strong, brave, friendly, lovely and they teach me something new every time I see them (even if they don't know it).
First up, the batch of 13 year olds. Most of them (or maybe all of them?) I know from the Catholic Students Society (CSS). They're tiny (as in short), witty and actually quite brave. Form what I knew before coming to La Salle, the younger students don't usually stand up to their seniors. It's just not done. But here, they do it all the time. And in a nice way too. Always polite and wanting to show you that they're not afraid (even if their sweat glands suddenly flare up, giving them away). Always steadfast and true.
Then come the 14 year olds. Equally (some even more) witty, sarcastic yet sincere, taller, deeper (emotionally), and wise. This batch of boys I know from CSS and more. Particularly, one little creature is just so amazing when it comes to understanding. You'd expect that much from an 18 year old, not younger. Of course, their childishness is still the overwhelming factor but not as much when compared to some really spoiled brats I've been unfortunate enough to encounter. Another little creature is actually pretty fun. He is extremely friendly and I'm sure when he gets older, he'll have girls swooning over him (if he doesn't already). Add to that excellent writing skills and a lot less laziness than me, we have an amazing 14 year old blogger. I honestly lost myself in his blog. His sentence structures, choice of words, insight, wisdom and the ability to present his point of view ever so clearly has me begging for more! This child is truly talented. He has me wishing I wasn't so lazy. He manages to capture his every thought and feeling into his writing. I'm hooked (and a little envious about his talent and lack of a lazy bone when it comes to typing).
Moving on, I'm going to skip the 15 year olds because, unless I'm very much mistaken, I don't really know any. So, 16 year olds it is. Here, I've met some truly childish-way-past-their-age boys. I think once they grow up, they'll be amazing. Till then, I'm going to skip that particular breed of 16 year olds. I want to talk about the ones who've been a treasure. One boy stands out. Oddly enough, his best friend is the over-childish type. This treasure, he's actually very smart? and wise? in his own way. He's mature but at the same time, he knows that he's still a child and he makes allowances to be childish. I don't know if that made sense to anyone but me. Anyway, he has no hidden agendas, no qualms about telling you what he thinks straight up, is very open, loves what he loves no matter how weird it might be or how many people might make fun of him, and he's steady. I know that he'll always have my back, even when it will cost him something.
Then come the 17 year olds. Entering a season of change, growing taller and wider, getting smarter and wiser. Not the mention the ever busy schedule. Hopping from school to tuition to sports to various other co curricular activities and dates. These boys are indeed, forever on the move. Many of them are high achievers (whether it be academically or otherwise) and have a solid goal as well as a clear plan. That's something I hope will rub off on me soon. These boys are smart. I can see many of them going really far. And though many of them are just seasonal friends (to come and go like the leaves on a tree), one or two are definitely here to stay (in my life that is). I will not let them go, like it or not, for they are special and they make me smile and feel special too :)
Rumusnya, these gems have brought some light and shine into my life, even in the smallest of ways and I am, and forever will be, grateful. The Lord has showered upon me manna from heaven, food for my soul, in the form of beautiful people. Never forget those who bring light into your life. Even the tiniest of light can chase the darkness away. These are my gems (they do not belong to me but I do feel that somehow, at the right moments, they are there especially for me. Conceded, I know, but honest).
I love you guys and I'm ever so proud to call you my friends.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
2+1+1
Hey cyberspace.
So, as you know, I've left this part of the world wide web alone for a while now. My excuse; I've been buried under tons of work. But no fret! I'm finally getting the hang of it. Clue; Do NOT Procrastinate!
Anyways, Upper 6 has been a doozy so far. I've had different dramas in school, some drama at home and some internal drama as well. I think I'll start off with the school drama. First up, it seems that since Form 6 is only a year and a half, the drama decided to take the fast lane. Everything is snowballing faster than it used to. The four of us became 2 + 2, then 3 + 1 and now I've just made it 2 + 1 + 1; all in less than a year!
Friction was bound to spark into flames with two completely different personalities clashed. Sure, they seemed all 'BFF'-like at first, but any fool could see that it was only temporary. They didn't have any friends and so they stuck together. Now, sparks started flying and the camp has broken into 3. One over sensitive girl with anger management issues who thinks that knowing people will get her places and believes that the world revolves around her (one side), a guy who is an amazing character with self consciousness issues and has no idea when to keep his big mouth shut + a tough on the outside, soft on the inside girl who knows exactly the kind of people she likes and dislikes and will not turn back from a grudge without some major work (the other side), and the girl whose in love with all three of them but knows that she can't change them if they don't want to be changed and is stuck somewhere in the middle and is this close (holds thumb and forefinger 2mm apart) to knocking their heads together (that's me, making up the finally part of the equation).
I'm a much calmer person these days but sometimes I just wish I was my old self. The old me would have snapped along time ago (and lost all my friends in the process but at least I'd be at peace). However, I can't do that now. So I'm taking the 'Peace-No-War' road. I tried to explain to each person about the varieties of a human being and maybe steer them into making some changes. An obvious plan... that failed miserably. I found out why two days ago. One Father Paul taught me that change lies in the individual. You can't change anyone but yourself. You can do good and hope for change but it's a long shot. It's better to not even hope for change in anyone but yourself. Foolhardy (?).
Conclusion, I'm stuck. I'll be myself. Try my hardest to make changes in myself for the better and (since I'm an optimist) hope that people will make the right changes for themselves. I think I'll sign off now. It's really late and I have a reasonably long day ahead of me. Stay tuned for the next update! :)
So, as you know, I've left this part of the world wide web alone for a while now. My excuse; I've been buried under tons of work. But no fret! I'm finally getting the hang of it. Clue; Do NOT Procrastinate!
Anyways, Upper 6 has been a doozy so far. I've had different dramas in school, some drama at home and some internal drama as well. I think I'll start off with the school drama. First up, it seems that since Form 6 is only a year and a half, the drama decided to take the fast lane. Everything is snowballing faster than it used to. The four of us became 2 + 2, then 3 + 1 and now I've just made it 2 + 1 + 1; all in less than a year!
Friction was bound to spark into flames with two completely different personalities clashed. Sure, they seemed all 'BFF'-like at first, but any fool could see that it was only temporary. They didn't have any friends and so they stuck together. Now, sparks started flying and the camp has broken into 3. One over sensitive girl with anger management issues who thinks that knowing people will get her places and believes that the world revolves around her (one side), a guy who is an amazing character with self consciousness issues and has no idea when to keep his big mouth shut + a tough on the outside, soft on the inside girl who knows exactly the kind of people she likes and dislikes and will not turn back from a grudge without some major work (the other side), and the girl whose in love with all three of them but knows that she can't change them if they don't want to be changed and is stuck somewhere in the middle and is this close (holds thumb and forefinger 2mm apart) to knocking their heads together (that's me, making up the finally part of the equation).
I'm a much calmer person these days but sometimes I just wish I was my old self. The old me would have snapped along time ago (and lost all my friends in the process but at least I'd be at peace). However, I can't do that now. So I'm taking the 'Peace-No-War' road. I tried to explain to each person about the varieties of a human being and maybe steer them into making some changes. An obvious plan... that failed miserably. I found out why two days ago. One Father Paul taught me that change lies in the individual. You can't change anyone but yourself. You can do good and hope for change but it's a long shot. It's better to not even hope for change in anyone but yourself. Foolhardy (?).
Conclusion, I'm stuck. I'll be myself. Try my hardest to make changes in myself for the better and (since I'm an optimist) hope that people will make the right changes for themselves. I think I'll sign off now. It's really late and I have a reasonably long day ahead of me. Stay tuned for the next update! :)
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Surprises!
I can't remember the last time I did any school work at home. It must have been years ago. Today, I have 2 essays and one graph to finish. Unfortunately, I do not have enough time during History to complete the task tomorrow. Alas, I'm left with no choice but to put my brain through a workout at home. The first essay is done (though somewhat unenthusiastically). The second essay, a memorandum to object the privatization of government hospitals, is for my BM teacher which means the entire thing has to be written in BM.
Herein lies the problem. I think in English, I argue well in English and my best essays are written in English. I need to find a way to write this memorandum with passion in the Malay language. I have my points. What's left is just to write them out nicely but that's a lot easier said than done when it comes to the language. I'm definitely capable of writing an essay in BM, but the quality is what concerns me. My command of the language can probably be classified as 5/10. Only 50% fluent and I'm expected to come up with and essay to rock your world? Yea right! I'm not giving up though. I'll write the best I can and slowly hone my skills of writing in BM. Mr.Y would be proud:) He's always telling me not to worry and that he'll be guiding me one step at a time. Definitely my favourite teacher!
Next!~
Our MUET teacher set us an essay; Where do I see myself in 5 years? I expected myself to hand in an essay of about 2-3 pages long (as I am wont to do). Alas (again), I have disappointed myself. I completely forgot about it and I had to scratch out something last minute. My syntax was a washout, the whole essay was unorganized and I didn't portray 'me' to full blast. I should have set a reminder on my phone or something. I feel ashamed of myself for not doing it right. ARGH! I shall not do that again.
Next!~
I've always had Random-Thoughts-Moments where I get, well... random thoughts. So, I have decided to blog them! Just for fun. Since I have a very weak memory, I'm going to have to write them down but even I can't write everything single random thought down (since they're random and I probably won't have any writing things on me). Hopefully, I remember the best ones and you'll enjoy them too. This is me giving you an insight as to how my brain works! No, not all desirable to some but hey, we all need an outlet and this is mine. :)
Next!~
I have something exciting coming up but it's not confirmed so I wont post it here yet. Once I know for sure what's going to happen, so will you!
Next!~
Not much. I JUST MISS EVERYONE!!
And I'm still wondering, when....?
Herein lies the problem. I think in English, I argue well in English and my best essays are written in English. I need to find a way to write this memorandum with passion in the Malay language. I have my points. What's left is just to write them out nicely but that's a lot easier said than done when it comes to the language. I'm definitely capable of writing an essay in BM, but the quality is what concerns me. My command of the language can probably be classified as 5/10. Only 50% fluent and I'm expected to come up with and essay to rock your world? Yea right! I'm not giving up though. I'll write the best I can and slowly hone my skills of writing in BM. Mr.Y would be proud:) He's always telling me not to worry and that he'll be guiding me one step at a time. Definitely my favourite teacher!
Next!~
Our MUET teacher set us an essay; Where do I see myself in 5 years? I expected myself to hand in an essay of about 2-3 pages long (as I am wont to do). Alas (again), I have disappointed myself. I completely forgot about it and I had to scratch out something last minute. My syntax was a washout, the whole essay was unorganized and I didn't portray 'me' to full blast. I should have set a reminder on my phone or something. I feel ashamed of myself for not doing it right. ARGH! I shall not do that again.
Next!~
I've always had Random-Thoughts-Moments where I get, well... random thoughts. So, I have decided to blog them! Just for fun. Since I have a very weak memory, I'm going to have to write them down but even I can't write everything single random thought down (since they're random and I probably won't have any writing things on me). Hopefully, I remember the best ones and you'll enjoy them too. This is me giving you an insight as to how my brain works! No, not all desirable to some but hey, we all need an outlet and this is mine. :)
Next!~
I have something exciting coming up but it's not confirmed so I wont post it here yet. Once I know for sure what's going to happen, so will you!
Next!~
Not much. I JUST MISS EVERYONE!!
And I'm still wondering, when....?
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