You see, the world is a crazy place. Or maybe I'm the one who is crazy. Well, either way, there's a whole lot of craziness going around here. I've heard songs about the world and it's insanity as well and many different variations of stories and poems. No one can deny it. If they do, they're blind and if they don't, then hey, they must be nuts!
I don't seem to connect (with people, I mean) and I don't want to either. I'm quite content with being the girl sitting in the corner, alone and away from the crowd; preferring to observe rather than participate. This, then, brings my thoughts around to that Paramore song which says,'and up until now I had sworn to myself that I was content with loneliness'. I think the song is called 'The Only Exception'. Well, my version would be the same, minus 'up until now', because I still feel that way. I really am happy. Well, sometimes being alone can be a little lonely but, hey, I'm content after all. So, what's there to complain about. I like being in my own little world. Sure, I have friends and family, all of whom are always there for me no matter what. Sometimes, I just feel like, even though they're around, they're not really around.
Maybe, maybe I just haven't found the right people to hang out with. Don't get me wrong, I think I've come pretty close to perfect with a few of the people around me. I love hanging out with my mum, cooking and shopping and just plain annoying her sometimes. And I also love time spent with Nad and Mina and a few other friends and family, but I hear myself call our for some alone time a lot. Especially when I'm surrounded by people I know but am not close to. You know, acquaintances, people you see in church or at a gathering.
I just don't jive with them (I do not think that was a proper use of the word 'jive'). For example, I cannot, try as hard as I might, to bring myself to understand young, materialistic and girly (maybe I could understand young it if wasn't coupled with the other two). I'm sure that's not all they are but this surface thing really puts me off. I cannot just say 'Hi', then spend the next 20 minutes pretending to care where you got your lip gloss from or who you're dating right now, because truth is, I really don't. I like people who can just stand silently and comfortably beside me, with no need of saying anything at all. There's just so few of them in the world. Most people are so uncomfortable with the silence they dub as awkward that I get all jittery just standing next to them. HELLO! Silence is not awkward if you just embrace it!
So, here I am, being content with loneliness. I do not have a problem with that at all because I know exactly (in a way) where I'll be a year from now and the thought of that - being in a new place, surrounded by new people - gets me thinking that I'm not losing anything at all. I'd probably lose contact with all these acquaintances anyway, so why bother even taking the effort to turn acquaintances into friends?
But then again, and this is my brain doing its usually loop-d-loop, maybe its the friendships we benefit from; the company and experiences that shape us. That and the goodbyes. I know, I may not know how I know but I know, that without those experiences, I'd be a completely different person. I wouldn't know myself at all. This journey, this convergence of roads between friends (acquaintances' roads do not converge, they merely run parallel to each other quite closely for a while) is what changes our course, much more effectively than an acquaintance's.
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