Learning

I learnt an important lesson this week. Emotional support. I'm a problem fixer. When someone is upset or whatever, my first thought will be, "How can I fix this? How can I make you not feel sad or upset?".

But I know now that it's not always about 'fixing' a problem. Most of the time when people share their problems and worries with you, it is not to because they want you to present them with a solution. What they usually want is to know that you care. It's knowing that you care about how they're feeling and that you are there for them and that you love them.

At the end of our last Social Psychology lecture, Dr.Chua showed us a video of a couple getting therapy. The husband said something very important. He revealed that he now understands that what his wife wanted from him all along, that is emotional support. When she was upset, he'd shut down because he didn't know how to respond to her. But now he understands that all she ever wanted was for him to be emotionally engaged. She wanted him to know what she's feeling and be her shoulder to cry on.

Funnily enough, I thought I understood this after watching the video and maybe I did, but I didn't realise I was doing exactly what the husband did until later. A friend pointed it out. And suddenly, I got it. It's about being there for someone and saying, "Yes, I understand what you are telling me and I am here for you to lean on."

I hope I always remember this.

Moving on, I read this (though perhaps not in so many words) somewhere: "We can get up right now and choose to walk away or change something in our life and there is nothing to stop us yet most us don't"

This got me thinking, maybe it's because we're scared of change. Maybe we feel powerless?

But really, we're not. Far from it. We can change anything we want about our life. All we have to do is start. All we have to do is take one step.

I think most of us are so comfortable with the familiar that we don't try to change anything even if it's bad. It's a sad cycle that I think we need to stop. We have to work very hard at learning that we are in control of our lives and we can be different. We can do what we want and achieve almost any goal. The sooner we learn this, the sooner our children will know that they too are empowered.

The only limits in life are the ones you  make