There's this thing I do to myself. I get myself all worked up and happy and excited about something, something small. Something that's not even in the realm of possibility. And even though I know it's most probably never going to happen, I still get myself hyped about it because I feel alive and great.
But then, once I start getting myself hyped, I'll end up ruining it all and one day, it'll come crashing down. That particular hope and dream will just vanish into thin air in a puff of smoke due to me being overly self-conscious and thus, counter productive.
This always happens. Always.
And I have no idea how to stop it.
And it's happening now and I don't know.
And sometimes, it feels like I'm making a lot of hay over nothing at all. This is one of those times. Hmm.
I don't know what to do.
At this stage, it's like I have no control over my feelings. I just have to roll with it and hope I don't mess anything up.
Showing posts with label anxious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxious. Show all posts
Friday, November 2, 2012
Friday, August 31, 2012
Survival is Imminent.
The second day of orientation was a good one. I don't feel so dumb any more! The admin staff explained a lot of things to us. They told us about the online portals and elearning sites. They also explained the PTPTN application process and finally, how to read the schedule! :)
That was what I dreaded. The schedule they gave us was a terrible mess. It included the schedules for all three years. All in one! So naturally, it seemed like there were classes that were overlapping and stuff. And there were tiny little alphabets and numbers on the lower right corner of each little box. So, they pointed out to us which classes were ours and how to understand those little alphabets and letters.
Now, I understand! I know where and when my classes are and I know all the important details. At least, I know enough to move forward. Everything else, I'll figure out as I go along. It helps having those little booklets that the student commission made for us. It's a survival guide. Pretty neat idea, I think. It's got more than enough information to help us around. And the so-called Peer Support Group members are all very friendly. They said to keep in touch and feel free to ask them about anything at all, especially if we need help.
So, I'm heading to class on Monday, full of excitement and a little apprehension of what's in store. It's going to be good. I'm sure it is. :) First class is Leadership and Life Skills (sounds interesting enough) followed by Social and Business Communication (don't know what to think of that). So, 2 lectures on Monday; back-to-back. That's quite a stretch for the first day. I hope I can write fast enough to catch all the important bits of my lectures. I don't want to miss anything. I also for-see myself doing plenty of reading. This should be an interesting week :)
I also can wait for the days when all the clubs and societies are gathered in one place for us to explore. So far, I've set my sights of the Go-Cart Club and Dance Club. I know, I know. Neither clubs have anything to do with psychology, but hey, I want to have fun while I'm here. So, don't worry, I shall make sure I get involved in some psych activities as well.
As for now, I'm going to enjoy my weekend. I hope you do too.
HAPPY MERDEKA!
That was what I dreaded. The schedule they gave us was a terrible mess. It included the schedules for all three years. All in one! So naturally, it seemed like there were classes that were overlapping and stuff. And there were tiny little alphabets and numbers on the lower right corner of each little box. So, they pointed out to us which classes were ours and how to understand those little alphabets and letters.
Now, I understand! I know where and when my classes are and I know all the important details. At least, I know enough to move forward. Everything else, I'll figure out as I go along. It helps having those little booklets that the student commission made for us. It's a survival guide. Pretty neat idea, I think. It's got more than enough information to help us around. And the so-called Peer Support Group members are all very friendly. They said to keep in touch and feel free to ask them about anything at all, especially if we need help.
So, I'm heading to class on Monday, full of excitement and a little apprehension of what's in store. It's going to be good. I'm sure it is. :) First class is Leadership and Life Skills (sounds interesting enough) followed by Social and Business Communication (don't know what to think of that). So, 2 lectures on Monday; back-to-back. That's quite a stretch for the first day. I hope I can write fast enough to catch all the important bits of my lectures. I don't want to miss anything. I also for-see myself doing plenty of reading. This should be an interesting week :)
I also can wait for the days when all the clubs and societies are gathered in one place for us to explore. So far, I've set my sights of the Go-Cart Club and Dance Club. I know, I know. Neither clubs have anything to do with psychology, but hey, I want to have fun while I'm here. So, don't worry, I shall make sure I get involved in some psych activities as well.
As for now, I'm going to enjoy my weekend. I hope you do too.
HAPPY MERDEKA!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Bambi-esque
Oh Em Gee!!!
Today's the first day of orientation. We got a tour of the campus, heard a speech from the Dean of Psychology, had the entire staff introduced to us via power point by the Head of the Department and then took an English Proficiency Exercise.
I started out as I expected to. Meaning, I was quiet and reserved. I stayed out of big groups and I just listened to everything. I spoke to a few people and I kept trying to calm the butterflies in my tummy. Pretty standard stuff. But then I realised that the file they gave me was not supposed to be empty. Or actually, that it was supposed to be filled with papers and stuff.
That's when I started to panic. I managed to get what I need from the office but I was already too far gone by then. During the Dean's speech, he ended with a few example cases. Like, there's a 6 year old male who is being disruptive in class and does not pay attention. You have to come up with a diagnosis. Does he have a learning disability, if so, which one. And you have to come up with learning programme that suits his needs.
BAM!
That's the first taste I got. Definitely interesting. And totally new. I had no idea what my answer would possibly be. The Dean said that the point is, Uni is preparation so that by the end of 3 years, we should be able to answer these questions.
And then we went on to the English Proficiency Exercise. I thought, yea, I can do this. I mean, I'm not being cocky or anything, but I can read, write and converse in English pretty well. So, there's a high possibility that I'll do well in this and not have to take English for Psychology 101. We had to answer one of three questions. It was a short essay question. Our answers were to be between 200-250 words. Piece of cake; or so I thought. I saw the questions and my heart dropped. (Cue second BAM!)
Q1 was the easiest question on the screen. Why did you choose psychology and what do you see yourself doing after you graduate. Questions 2 and 3 had me stumped. They were more psychologically based. I can't remember the exact questions but they were something along the lines of this: What psychological problems do you think this country faces and what do you think is the best way to overcome it. Something like that.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I chose to answer question 1. Why? Because I didn't feel intellectually capable of answering either one of the other 2 questions. I have no idea what I think are the psychological problems this generation faces nor do I have any clues or ideas as to how the problem could be tackled.
I felt dumb, to be honest. I felt totally, and completely incapable of answering those questions. I don't know enough. Heck, I don't know anything! I don't read non-fiction books. I don't read psych books. I read fiction. Ask me about how to stop a genius, evil pixie from taking over the world or what a thestral is; those questions I can answer. So, ever since I saw those questions up on the screen, the butterflies in my stomach refuse to calm down. I managed to submit an answer to question one which I hope is good enough to exempt me from the EP101 class.
However, I still feel too dumb. I don't know why on earth I thought I could do psychology. I mean, sure, I did pretty well in STPM but I did Pengajian Am, BM, Econs and English Lit. Non of those subjects have anything to do with Psychology. So, what on earth was I thinking? What did I get myself into?
Here's what popped into my head: That West Wing episode when Josh got shot and had a flashback to when Bartlet just won the elections. Donna was interviewed by someone from a magazine and the writer commented that Donna had a Bambi-esque quality about her. She was told my a White House staffer that there's a nuclear warhead in the Rose Garden, which Donna then told the interviewer who promptly included that piece of information in the magazine. When Donna realised that it was a prank, she said; "I'm too stupid to live!"
Oh man. I hope I can get over this. I really, really hope I can get over this. I want so badly to learn more. My brain is just waiting to be supplied with information. I'm just itching to learn and discover things. HELP encourages their students to not just accept whatever is given to them in the classrooms but to be inquisitive and explore things for themselves as well. I can't wait for that. I just hope I work hard enough to process all this awesomeness. Basically, I hope I don't crash and burn.
Anyway, it's all so exciting. I need to get a laptop soon though, I think. It seems I'm going to be using the computer a lot. So much money. Hmm..
I'd like to end this post with a music recommendation. The band is called "Of Monsters and Men". I know the band name sounds like they sing heavy metal or something but they don't. They make very good music. So, go! Listen to them on Youtube. Try listening to the song "From Finner" first. Bonus: They're Irish! :)
Today's the first day of orientation. We got a tour of the campus, heard a speech from the Dean of Psychology, had the entire staff introduced to us via power point by the Head of the Department and then took an English Proficiency Exercise.
I started out as I expected to. Meaning, I was quiet and reserved. I stayed out of big groups and I just listened to everything. I spoke to a few people and I kept trying to calm the butterflies in my tummy. Pretty standard stuff. But then I realised that the file they gave me was not supposed to be empty. Or actually, that it was supposed to be filled with papers and stuff.
That's when I started to panic. I managed to get what I need from the office but I was already too far gone by then. During the Dean's speech, he ended with a few example cases. Like, there's a 6 year old male who is being disruptive in class and does not pay attention. You have to come up with a diagnosis. Does he have a learning disability, if so, which one. And you have to come up with learning programme that suits his needs.
BAM!
That's the first taste I got. Definitely interesting. And totally new. I had no idea what my answer would possibly be. The Dean said that the point is, Uni is preparation so that by the end of 3 years, we should be able to answer these questions.
And then we went on to the English Proficiency Exercise. I thought, yea, I can do this. I mean, I'm not being cocky or anything, but I can read, write and converse in English pretty well. So, there's a high possibility that I'll do well in this and not have to take English for Psychology 101. We had to answer one of three questions. It was a short essay question. Our answers were to be between 200-250 words. Piece of cake; or so I thought. I saw the questions and my heart dropped. (Cue second BAM!)
Q1 was the easiest question on the screen. Why did you choose psychology and what do you see yourself doing after you graduate. Questions 2 and 3 had me stumped. They were more psychologically based. I can't remember the exact questions but they were something along the lines of this: What psychological problems do you think this country faces and what do you think is the best way to overcome it. Something like that.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I chose to answer question 1. Why? Because I didn't feel intellectually capable of answering either one of the other 2 questions. I have no idea what I think are the psychological problems this generation faces nor do I have any clues or ideas as to how the problem could be tackled.
I felt dumb, to be honest. I felt totally, and completely incapable of answering those questions. I don't know enough. Heck, I don't know anything! I don't read non-fiction books. I don't read psych books. I read fiction. Ask me about how to stop a genius, evil pixie from taking over the world or what a thestral is; those questions I can answer. So, ever since I saw those questions up on the screen, the butterflies in my stomach refuse to calm down. I managed to submit an answer to question one which I hope is good enough to exempt me from the EP101 class.
However, I still feel too dumb. I don't know why on earth I thought I could do psychology. I mean, sure, I did pretty well in STPM but I did Pengajian Am, BM, Econs and English Lit. Non of those subjects have anything to do with Psychology. So, what on earth was I thinking? What did I get myself into?
Here's what popped into my head: That West Wing episode when Josh got shot and had a flashback to when Bartlet just won the elections. Donna was interviewed by someone from a magazine and the writer commented that Donna had a Bambi-esque quality about her. She was told my a White House staffer that there's a nuclear warhead in the Rose Garden, which Donna then told the interviewer who promptly included that piece of information in the magazine. When Donna realised that it was a prank, she said; "I'm too stupid to live!"
Oh man. I hope I can get over this. I really, really hope I can get over this. I want so badly to learn more. My brain is just waiting to be supplied with information. I'm just itching to learn and discover things. HELP encourages their students to not just accept whatever is given to them in the classrooms but to be inquisitive and explore things for themselves as well. I can't wait for that. I just hope I work hard enough to process all this awesomeness. Basically, I hope I don't crash and burn.
Anyway, it's all so exciting. I need to get a laptop soon though, I think. It seems I'm going to be using the computer a lot. So much money. Hmm..
I'd like to end this post with a music recommendation. The band is called "Of Monsters and Men". I know the band name sounds like they sing heavy metal or something but they don't. They make very good music. So, go! Listen to them on Youtube. Try listening to the song "From Finner" first. Bonus: They're Irish! :)
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