I Don't Have A Ferrari To Sell

I’ve been thinking about change.

I’m reading a fascinating book now, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. It’s all about this hotshot lawyer was drowning in work. He had a heart attack, then decided to sell everything and go on a search for the purpose of life. He ended up with a bunch of monks in India, deep in the Himalayas. He came back looking years younger, alive, free, and fulfilled. The book is about him sharing what he had learned from the monks.

The first chapter talks about your mind being a garden. If you cultivate it with pretty and fulfilling things, your life will be fulfilling. And if you let weeds and negativity take root, they will eventually stifle you. What he says makes a lot of sense. He talks about meditating every day to train your mind to focus. If you can focus your mind on one thing, basically enter flow (Flow Theory) at will, you can do and be anything you want because you will be able to hold your focus.

Next is changing the negative thoughts you have to positive thoughts. Basically, learn to control your minds and harness the power of your thought. Based on positive psych and all that, I know about the power of positive thinking. It makes a difference in how you feel is you smile when you are mad. The simple act of replacing bad thoughts with good ones can make so much difference to the quality of your life. This eventually becomes a habit and you can learn to not hold on to bad thoughts and ideas.

And then he goes on to say that if you visualise what you want, the thing you are working towards, a goal, then you will get there. Visualisation keeps you on your target and it helps you see yourself attaining those goals and then your life and your choices will lead to them.

All this makes sense to me. I get it. It tallies with the stuff I've learned in uni.

The next chapter is about a lighthouse, or the purpose in life. He says that once you find something that makes you feel free and full, that is your purpose. For example, if painting gets your blood pumping, if you are excited by it and have this internal drive to keep doing it, then that is your purpose. And it’s also important to make sure that this purpose involves serving others in some way. So perhaps showcasing your art to touch lives? Or teach people about art?

Once you find this purpose (it make take some exploration before you pin it down), cultivate it. Keep your mind focused on it. And then set small goals related to your purpose. Keep your mind on those goals and make sure you have the courage to act on them.

In fact, you can do this with any small goals as well. Say you want to be more peaceful, or more financially secure, just set small goals. He outlines a 5 step process to it that you can use.

The whole book so far seems quite psychological and methodological which makes sense. Because even spirituality and transcendence requires some form of discipline and understanding of what works with humans. Since psychology is all about how humans work, applying it to this is a logical step.

But then I started thinking about making all these changes. Sure, I can meditate each day to train my mind, I can regularly visualise myself obtaining my goals and then acting on those steps to achieve what I want.

However, it’s not as simple as it seems, is it? I have responsibilities. People who are counting on me. Besides, I’m still young. I don’t actually have a solid life to change yet. So sure, I can shape my life using these principles to avoid the need for change later on, but what happens to my family while I’m on this quest?

I can’t just decide to go after what I want without considering how it might affect the people around me. I just can’t.

So is this book really for me? I mean, I can read it and apply parts of it to my own life. I’m sure I can stand to benefit from some of these techniques. But maybe I’m just not ready for this entire book. Or maybe I just don’t need it in the same way that the monk did. Perhaps some of these techniques will be enough for me for now. Maybe that's the whole idea. To take what you need from this pool if wisdom and apply it to your life accordingly. 

I know I can do better with focusing my mind. I know I can do better with being more positive. So I shall.

I can start on one of these techniques, perhaps meditation. I want to learn how to focus my mind. I want to take charge of it. And I know I can do this. I think this exercise will help me hone my discipline as well, which I know is terrible right now. Each day will be an improvement.

(I’ll start the meditation next week though. I want to start it after I’m done with the assignments)

Conscious Appraisals

I've been thinking (never a good sign, hmm) and I realised that I know where I want to be in the future. As in, I know what I want to be doing, the kind of person I want to be. However, I have no idea how I'm going to get there. The in-between, the journey... it's unknown to me. I have no clue and that scares me a little.

The fear of the unknown.

Someone asked me today if I was scared of anything and I suppose this is my biggest fear. Not knowing. Going in blind.

Also, I was thinking about character building. About how people choose to behave. The traits they choose to have or ones that occur naturally.

I suppose most of us do it unconsciously  We observe people and events in the world. Our experiences shape us. They shape our behaviour and how we react to anything. Either through Classical Conditioning, Operant Conditioning or Observational Learning, we develop traits.

But sometimes, we consciously learn. When we choose to break a habit, we do it consciously. We tell ourselves to do, or not do, something. We make an effort to shape who we are and what we may become.

My question is, how many of us actually do that?

I've learnt by now, that people do not behave in ways we think they might. People always surprise us. Often times, we think that we're the only ones who are weird. We may be the only person, save perhaps a handful of others, who eat apples with peanut butter. However, sooner or later, we find out that the apple-with-peanut-butter eating population is not a small one. There are other people out there in this world, in this huge world, who are just as weird as we are.

That doesn't make us any less special. No. But it also means that humans are not as different from each other as we like to believe. We share common traits. With more than 7 billion people on Earth, you'd be hard put to find one person who has a trait or habit that is unique to them.

Anyway, back to the point. Do we consciously shape our behaviour? I suppose more people do it than what I might originally think.

I know I do. When someone says something to me or if I read a line from a book, something that touches me or hits me profoundly, I tend to take it to heart. Suddenly, I find myself consciously changing. For example, I used to have a really short temper. I was always being teased and I never had any patience for it. I would sulk and get really upset. I'd say things and lose my temper quite a lot. Till one day, my mother told me that I shouldn't take everything to heart. That kids are just playing around and they mean nothing by it so I should not get so angry.

As soon as I heard her say those words, I felt my entire mind just shift. I decided that what my mother said was true and I should not lose my temper. From that day on, I consciously worked on it. Every time I was close to losing my temper, I'd tell myself, "Be calm. Patience. Brush it off."

And I think it worked. I have (or I'd like to believe that I have) my temper in check now (with the exception of my brother; he just hits the right nerve every single time). I don't get touchy when people tease me and I've learnt patience.

Currently, I'm working on "I'm sorry". A friend of mine pointed out that I don't actually sound sorry when I say it. For example, when I tell them that I can't join them for a movie and I apologise, she says that I don't really sound sorry. She feels like it's just something I say, like an automated response.

So, taking it to heart, I decided to change. I say sorry only when I really am sorry or if I can make sure I sound sorry. And when I am sorry, but cannot be sure that other's see my sincerity, then I do not apologise . For smaller things, like declining a movie invite, I don't say sorry because even though I am sorry, it's not grave enough for me to actually sound sorry.

Does that make any sense? No? Well, that's what I thought.

Why should I not apologise just because it doesn't sound like I'm sorry even though I actually am? My face is, when I'm completely focused, disconnected to the emotional center of my brain so my emotions don't show on my face. Which means that even though I truly am sorry for something, I may not actually look the part. But that should not discount or devalue the weight or truth of my apology.

I think it's unfair for anyone to tell me that I don't sound sorry enough.

So now, I have to tell my brain to readjust and stop trying to fix what is not broken. I shall apologise even though I run the risk of not sounding sincere enough. I took those words to heart and I've started to consciously alter my behaviour but now I feel really silly for even doing it in the first place. Now, I have to stop the process.

It's quite confusing.

Sorry for the chaos.

To end this, here's a quote from Doctor Who, The Rings of Akhaten (Series 7, Episode 8) about uniqueness [on a side note, I think this is a beautiful thing to say to someone who might not think they are worth anything]:

All the elements in your body were forged many many millions of years ago in the heart of a faraway star that exploded and died. That explosion scattered those elements across the desolations of deep space. After so, so many millions of years, these elements came together to form new stars and new planets. And on and on it went. The elements came together and burst apart, forming shoes and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and kings. Until, eventually, they came together to make you. You are unique in the universe. There is only one Merry Galel. And there will never be another. Getting rid of that existence isn't a sacrifice, it's a waste!