Didaskaleinophobia

I never want to go back to school ever again! Seriously, never, ever again!

I had a terrible nightmare last night. I was back at school for another year. This time, it was a level higher than the years before and everything was so hard. The subjects were all just crazy difficult. My notes for the day were like a foot thick; just one day! We were in an auditorium for a slide show about the topic of the day and we were supposed to take notes. I couldn't get past the first slide. I was lost within seconds. It was, quite honestly, a nightmare!

After that, I had to face all the junior students. They were monsters! They were so rude and loud and unforgiving. I got teased about everything from my head to my toes. I don't remember being that rude, or rude at all to my seniors. I'd prefer to call those little punks something a lot more terrible than just monsters.

I was in tears by the end of the first hour. I felt so defeated and angry. The teachers were rigid, the students were uncaring, the subjects were tough, to say the least, and my body ached all over from the weight of all the books and notes I had to carry. (I think that was just my subconscious mind trying to incorporate my actually aching body into my dreams)

It's like everything bad I ever had to face in school all rolled up into one day. I didn't have a bad school life. In fact, I enjoyed it. But when you take out all the good, leave only the bad and multiply that by a thousand, it'll make any sane person go mad. Never again will I go back to school. No uniforms, no cheeky little juniors and no impossibly hard subjects that will have even Einstein running for the hills.

Anyway, when I woke up, I was in tears. I've never cried because of a dream before. I've been too scared to go back to sleep, angry or upset but never have I cried. I feel mentally shaken, emotionally exhausted and physically battered. This is definitely not a good start to the day.

The worst part is, I have a paper later at 2pm. I have to be in school. I don't know how I'm going to handle it. Even now, just thinking about it makes my heart weak. This is silly. It's just a dream but it really affected me. I am not in the right mood today. Luckily for me, today's paper is just an objective one. No need for too much thinking. I hope I can make it. No panic attacks, please.

I really need an ice cream or chocolate right about now.

UPDATE:
I managed to walk into school. But my heart was working over time all the way. I just had to get out of there. I just had to.

Sensory Meltdown!

I love to bake (which I'm sure if you follow this blog, you'd know but I still want to mention:)). I make cupcakes and cookies and cakes and even non-dessert stuff like Shepherd's pie, roast chicken and roast lamb.

The savoury stuff, I love to eat. Making it is fun too but I'm not very good at it. I have no sense of what spices go together or if something needs more salt. Which is why I love to test my abilities on my own. I make stuff for myself. I'll give it to others if and only if it passes my quality control standards. Most of the time it doesn't but I get lucky once in a while.

As for the sweet stuff, I love to make more than eat. I may sound conceded but I'm pretty good at making the sweet stuff. I can adjust and bake by feel and I know how it's supposed to taste like before and after baking. My pastries and desserts turn out quite awesome powsome! Or, at least they used to. The last few times I made cookies (which was on Christmas day) and cupcakes (which is today), they turned out terrible! They're edible of course and not actually disgusting. I just can't seem to pass them through quality control. They're not as great as they used to be and I can't do anything to adjust. I feel like a failure. My sense of smell and taste have deserted me. I don't know if my cupcakes are good and I can't tell if my cookies are done right. I'm stuck!

Disappointment assumes me.
My sensory organs have failed me and I am lost!~