I used to be really good at coming up with titles

Sometimes I get this sudden and overwhelming feeling of anxiety about the future.

I begin to worry about getting a job, getting a house, work shoes. I worry about what I'd be like and whether I'd be able to get more tattoos and what if my current tattoos prevent me from getting a job. I worry about even finding a job. I worry about the future need to get a new laptop, about new clothes and a new bras. I worry about what life will be like and what the world will be like. I worry about who my friends will be and if the current friends I have will still be around. I feel anxious.

All this worrying happens for like 3 minutes and then I go back to being unperturbed.

I think there's a word for this feeling but I can't seem to find it.

Anyway, moving on. I have a meeting with my thesis supervisor this week. I'm really excited about it but I'm also a little nervous. I have a rough idea of what I want my topic to be but I've not done much research on it yet and I'm wondering if I should. I mean, I know that the first few conversations that I will have with my supervisor is going to revolve around refining my topic, but wouldn't it be amazing and totally productive if I went in for this meeting well prepared?

The answer is yes, of course it would.

I have a paper due on Thursday. I should finish writing it tomorrow so I can start some thesis research. I don't want to let my supervisor down and I want this thesis to be well thought out and well written. It's not impossible and I will do it.

So, decision made. I will do some research before the meeting so I can have a productive conversation with my supervisor.

Also, if I get some research done now, I can put aside thesis work in October and focus on assignments instead. I have like, 6 assignments due that month. It'll be the month when I feel like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. Once every semester.

Ok.

That's all. I just really wanted to write down how I sometimes feel about the future. But then the words started flowing and here we are. This worrying thing has happened 2-3 times this past couple of weeks. That's more than usual and it's kind of freaking me out.

38 Days

Oh hi! :)

Guess what? Only 38 days to go before I am free! Free from my alarm ringing at 5.30am every weekday, free from the blue and white baju kurung which is my identity around 5-7 hours for 5 days a week. Also, and most important of all, I will be free from SCHOOL!

School will be out for good! I have waited years for this momentous, most joyous day to come and now, I can finally see it! I thought I was nearing the end about 2 years ago. That, as I soon discovered, was a temporary relief. But now, now it is the end. The permanent end. I am sure of it.

First, it was 2 years in kindergarten, learning the alphabet and how to count, making tissue paper worms and plastic bottle cap flowers, and meeting my best friend. Then, 6 years in primary school of making friends, learning to make the right choices, being bullied and learning to stand up for myself. Also, it's where I learnt math, discovered my love for writing and went on my first camping trip (in school and the first time out of school too). After that, it was 5 years in secondary school; a much scarier place but also the most educational. I discovered myself, developed and addiction to books, really bonded with my best friend (through thick and thin, countless fights and celebrations) and had some of the best times of my teenage life.

It could have ended there, but of course, it didn't. After the blissful and highly exciting 6 months of everyday being Friday, I went back to school, which is my last sentence. I'm almost at the end and I have to say, however much I'm awaiting the last day, I really am going to miss it all. Here, these past 18 months, I've met a great many people, funny and dramatic, nice and most irksome. I've learnt many useful things, from textbooks and teachers, had to dodge an almost stalker-ish young man's advances (does the first to approach always have to be a weird one?), had my mind set altered by a great bunch of students and also, met some people with positively noxious behaviours.

All this, I am grateful for. And this brings me to what happens 38 days from now. Freedom. Complete and exonerating. I will, finally, be able to say sayonara to that chapter of my life. In 38 days, a whole host of doors will be open to me and I can choose to walk through any one of them. More then one, if I choose to.

The point is, I will be able to explore. That is what I am most looking forward to. New people, new places, new experiences and, as one of my friends pointed out to me, NEW FOOD! :) I am hyped up! A whole new chapter in my life of pages just waiting to be read, scribbled in. Fuuh!

38 Days.

Babbling Is A Symptom Of Boredom

I was on the morning shift today. Everything was okay but just a little boring. Barney went to the kitchen today so I don't get to see him at all, which is too bad because he makes me laugh even when I'm not in the mood. I think I'll visit him there tomorrow.

I ran out of paper from my notebook so I scribbled the day's event on some rough paper. Here goes:

Time is passing by so slowly today. 4 hours seems so much longer than it ought to. Please, TIME, I'm begging you, speed up a notch. I've been waiting and waiting and now I've reached the pinnacle of extreme boredom.

June is in heels again today. She looked good but so in pain. That's because she's not used to wearing heels. I hope she gets used to it soon. I also hope she starts wearing skirts soon. She'll look good. Speaking of skirts, I want to get myself one. I also want to get the knitted top from Jusco. Hopefully by this week. It's a bit pricey but I really like it. It'll be a once in a while lavish shopping spree.

30 minutes more. Tick Tock, Tick Tock... "Speed up now and slow down later please!" I say to TIME. "Huh! I don't take orders from mere humans," it replies. (BTW; that's how it is in my brain everyday) ---------------------------------------------------- The wait is over! "Can you slow down now, TIME?". *Time raises it's eyebrow*. I'll take that as a 'No'.

Anyway, we were planning to go to Summit after work, but it didn't work out due to immensely slow traffic. :( But I did get a new pair of pants for work!

On the way back from work, I was in a very unstable mood. I had completely mixed emotions about everything. But then, my deareast brother played the CD I made for him with Simple Plan songs. I loved it. My brother :)

Mystery of Time

When I'm working in less than fun circumstances (like when June or Owais isn't there) time goes by painfully slow. Every five minutes seems like an hour. I just can't wait to go home and start watching Voyager. But on Saturday, things were kind of different. June wasn't there and Owais was busy but time just flew by. I was doing the swing shift but before I knew it I was heading home. That was a good day. I wonder why it went by so fast. I'm not complaining though:)