Unfocusedness

I've left for quite a while again. 

Honestly, I have not been motivated enough to write anything even though I usually have a million different thoughts running through my mind on any given day. It seems that whenever I try to write a new post about anything, anything at all, I draw up a blank.

I didn't know why. I was baffled. I thought perhaps my mind was tired or that I was focused on my assignments. But no. That's not it. The reason I have not been blogging much is because I am unable to keep my focus.

It keeps running away from me. My focus. I cannot seem to pay attention for one thing for too long. And by "too long" I mean anything more than 2 minutes (even that's a struggle sometimes). I find my thoughts drifting off every few minutes. I think about nothing at all. Sometimes I think about everything at once.

If I wrote out my thoughts during these moments, I wouldn't be able to find the right words because my brain works so much faster than my fingers can type. My brain thinks in abstract views and everything is somehow related. It's like watching 14 television screens at the same time, each screen showing a different thing. Yet, I understand everything (that's obvious though because it's my thoughts after all, no?)

Anyhow, here I am. I told myself to make sure I post something, anything. I feel like my writing skills are getting a little rusty. Also, my reading habits have been abysmal lately as well. It's taking me more than a week to read one relatively skinny novel. I'm ashamed of myself. Nothing has really captured my attention, you know? I've tried reading so-called interesting books but I've had no luck yet. 

Meh.

OH! I've been reading statistics stuff for the last hour. Or at least trying too. First up, stats is not easy. I understand when I read but the application part is stumping me. We have to run a Pearson's r test using SPSS for our assignment and to be honest, I'm completely lost. I know how to run the test but analysing it is a whole different ball game. I see numbers. I do not know what to do with the numbers but there sure are a lot of it. I'm going to keep trying. The tutorial this Monday is supposed to be on Pearson's r so I hope it helps. 

One other thing before I leave. DOCTOR WHO!:
1. A sonic screwdriver and a poster of "Van Gogh's" Exploding TARDIS is on it's way here as I type this. I AM BEYOND EXCITED!

2. The new episode will be out in 15 days!

3. I am building a TARDIS Bookshelf of my own. I shall keep you posted on the progress. So far, I've sketched the design. My dad and I are still debating on whether to make it form scratch or modify a bookcase. We'll see how it goes.

Allon-sy folks!

Focused on Focusing

Have you ever read something you wrote when you were so full of emotions in the past and just cringed? Either because it was a bad piece of writing or you were over reacting or maybe you just can't believe you could have ever felt that way.

It's weird isn't it?

I was reading something I wrote a few weeks back and I can't believe I wrote what I did. The things I said and the emotions I was feeling; it was all so intense and I never thought I'd say those things. I never want to again, either.

I guess sometimes you have to get it out of your system. All those feelings and emotions that aren't necessarily what you feel all the time. Not who you are always, just in the moment. Not a good moment, either. Which is why I love writing. Because I can write and write and make sure I mean what I say. I can make sure I keep these moments of un-me-ness away from people.

Some would say that's not a good idea and that we should be who we are, in good moments and bad, and I agree. But I think moments like these are better left in the closet. Because it's not you. And words can cause a lot of hurt. So sometimes, it's better not to let the world into your head.

Just a thought.

Anyways, I have lots to watch this next few weeks before the semester starts. I'm finally at series 7 of Doctor Who, which is super. I'm also going to start on season 1 of Supernatural. AND, I have a few movies to watch too. So, entertainment, check.

OH! I'm also in the middle of 3 novels right now. One of the dark hunter books by Sherrilyn Kenyon, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen and The Hobbit. Lots to focus on :)

It's going to be a fantastical Christmas.

An Update of Sorts... :P

Just thought I'd update this part of cyberspace with the few on-goings in my life.

First up, I'm heading to the land down under! Yessir:) I'm going to Perth for 2 weeks:) It'll be a blast and I can't wait! Ahhhh! I'm gonna feed some kangaroos and hug some koalas. Perth, here I come!!

Something else worth mentioning is that I wrote an article for the CDM Today! For those of you who do not know; CDM Today is my church's quarterly newsletter. For the next issue, the editor (I think it was the editor) asked the youths to contribute an article. After very little discussion, this task was given to me.

I have to admit, I had a little trouble coming up with something to write but I managed. I sent it to the editor, fully expecting it to be rejected with requests that it needed polishing up but to my utter surprise, it was well accepted! And so, my article will be published in the July issue:)

I'll post it here once the newsletter is out.

Also, I'm contemplating cutting off my locks. I've oscillated between loving the long hair, wanting it to grow longer and hating it and wanting to cut it short and save myself the hassle of dealing with it everyday. Right now, I'm back to keeping it. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how long I can keep this pendulum moving and where it might end up stopping.

And one last thing; I'm currently reading Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. At first, I wasn't to sure if I liked it. It takes a lot of brain power to process everything. It's a whole new world with no point of reference at all. Seriously, everything is alien.

But then, as I kept going, I realised that it's a pretty interesting book. Sure, I can't actually read it when my brain isn't fully awake ('cause I won't understand have of what's going on normally but when my brain is half asleep, everything gets foggier) but when I really focus, I find myself enjoying the story even though I can't understand half of what's going on. I guess it's not too bad, my blurness, because this is probably how one of the character's Arthur Dent must be feeling too. It's all just so weird!

But fun:)

Anyway, time for more tetris.

Theme-less; Just The Way I Like It.

I've been wondering, maybe I should have a theme for my blog. Write about one specific field or something.

Hahahaha! No, my blog does not have a theme. I'm not going to pick a field of interest and stick to blogging only about said interest. A lot of people can do that, because they're good at it. Not me. I cannot stick to just 'art' or 'politic'. My blog cannot have a theme because I cannot stick to one.

This blog is about what goes on in my brain. That's why I started it. I need somewhere I can just let out whatever is in my brains and heart, much like a diary. This is my digital journal. I don't post uber personal stuff here mostly because I don't have much of an uber personal life. So, I mostly write about things that tickle my fancy or ignites a spark or whatever I'm keen on at the moment.

That's it, really. That's all this blog is about. I want this to be a record of stuff that I do in my life. I want to be able to look back at random on one of my posts and think, "that really did happen, didn't it?". If at the same time, I happen to amuse you with my slow, quick-wit or my highly sophisticated bordering on silly sarcasm, then I'm glad I could help.

I like writing and this is my writing tool. I have to remember to thank the creators of Google and Blogger. They're both pretty smart people. Probably pretty and smart... (guys can be pretty, right?)

Anyway, I also want to thank people who've read this blog, or is reading it now. Even though I can't see you and you probably don't exist, thanks for tuning in. I hope I haven't assaulted your intelligence. Seriously, my mad skills of sarcasm can be pretty deadly. And dry humour. (Wait, do people pour water on their computers to make wet humour?)

Oh well, whatever it is, I'm going to keep this up. Maybe more exciting things will happen in my life and I might get smarter which in turn will make this blog a lot more interesting.

For now, toodles folks. I've got some butterscotch sauce to eat!