Melting Pot!

These past few days, I've taken to scribbling down my thoughts (and sometimes even using the notepad on the Kindle). I want to put it all up here but there are quite a few different topics and separating them in different posts would mean a lot of loading and reloading of the website which will take forever on this computer. So, I have opted to type it all out here, in one post. :) Hope you (though I think no one reads this other than my mother) enjoy this melting pot of thoughts!

Criminal Justice System:
I read in the newspaper the other day that a man was sentenced to death for trafficking drugs (430 grams of it). Just below that was another article but this one was of a man who was sentenced to 16 years in jail for raping 2 girls. I am thoroughly appalled!

Is this really how the law works? Trafficking drugs can get you executed but raping 2 people can get you a measly 16 years in jail? I fail to see the logic in that. Drug trafficking is categorised as a more dangerous and therefore more heavily punishable crime than rape? Really?

Is this the message we are sending to the world? You can sell drugs, we'll just kill you. End of story. You can rape 2 people, we'll just put you in jail for 16 years. You can then get out, sometimes earlier if you're on good behaviour, and you can start raping again.

This is justice?
Oh vomit!

Society:
Sometimes I see people around me who seem to lack the simplest, most basic values like manners and gratitude. What really got me thinking about this was my teacher saying to the class, "you studied Pendidikan Moral (Moral Studies) for 5 years and yet, you still act like a bunch of monkeys, breaking as many school rules as you can."

In school, we had Pendidikan Moral. We had to learn all the values by heart as well as their corresponding definitions. If you got even one word out of line, you would be destined for failure (which is a big no-no!). We heard words like kerajinan (diligence), baik hati (good hearted), and tanggungjawab (responsibility). But that's all they were, merely words.

We were not taught the real way of behaving and treating others. We had example like "you have to give the elderly your seat on the bus" but that was just so we could answer the questions. The morality we learnt was merely conceptual and there was a heavy leaning towards making sure we memorised all the values and getting A's in our exams rather than actually understanding or applying any of it.

It's no wonder the current majority is made up of rude, unsympathetic, in-compassionate beings (but they just don't realise it). We do the best with what we were taught and trust me when I say, the best we can get from "You must score all A's" is not nearly as great as "this is how a decent person acts and we should all strive to be decent". Not nearly as great.


My Current State of Mind: 
(not very interesting but hey, it's my blog after all)

Feel... What do I feel? Hmm... I'm not entirely sure. It's in my head somewhere. Let me take a crack at it.

It's kind of an out of body experience, only, not really. I know I'm here - I feel present and aware of what's going on around me - but my brains and thoughts and some emotions are kind of separated. I'm not completely here. It's like I'm seeing myself through a glass wall. I see everything and I hear everything but I don't quite feel everything the same way. Not sensations like hot and cold or other nerve-receptor related feelings but real feelings like emotions in my heart and my brain. They're there, just not as strong. I feel somehow disconnected.

I think it's because I know (somehow) that my life is on course. I don't know exactly where I'm headed but I do know that I'm heading the right way and I just can't wait to get school over with so I can take the next step. It's like I'm suspended, waiting for my turn to walk out the door.

I'm coming... or going, depending on which way you choose to look at it.

Loss:
So young. He was too young. I can't imagine how his family is going to handle the loss. His mother, his sister. How can they go on?

I don't know what I'd do if I lost my brother like that. So young, so sudden. I'd probably breakdown. Be unable to function for the better part of my self prescribe and very long mourning period. Never able to be the me I used to be when he was alive.

I wouldn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. I'd just want to spend the last few hours I had with my brother before we bury his lifeless body in the earth forever. I would probably start yelling at people after a while. They'll be trying to console me but I won't want to hear any of it. Words wouldn't bring him back. He would have gone somewhere I won't be able to follow. I would prefer if they just left me alone to mourn.

I hope they can go on with life.

Finally,
STPM:
Haha:)
In 17 days, I will face the beginning of the end of my school days. I'm pretty stoked about it. I'm finally getting in the right frame of mind for some studying and I feel like I can definitely do this.

Right now, my countdown will not be till the start of the exams. Instead, I'll be counting down the days till the 15th. At 5pm on that day, I will be free! No more white and blue uniforms. No more waking up at 5.30am. I can even paint my school shoes! :)

I cannot wait!