Vlogbrothers

John and Hank Green are brothers and they have a Youtube channel called Vlogbrothers. They post videos of themselves talking about lots of stuff. They talk to each other via these videos and sometimes they make videos together. I think (but I really have no idea and I'm too lazy and tired to find out) it started out as a way for them to just keep in touch and have fun creating things but then it grew it a huge channel as more and more people started to watch their videos. They have fans called Nerdfighters who are collectively know as Nerdfighteria. 

I think it's a really cool thing to do. Sometimes the videos are about one or two topics and other times it's just John or Hank talking to the other about stuff that's happening in their life and things they've been thinking about. I especially like when they end with, "I'll see you Monday" (sometimes it's Friday). It's adorable.

I just spent at least 2 hours watching some of their videos and I'm happier at the end of those at-least-two-hours. I really enjoy watching these videos and they actually make me feel better. It's really nice to see them talk to each other and joke around and be all brotherly. I think it's cute. Also, I like that John refers to his wife as 'The Yeti'. 

Anyway, it's a great channel to subscribe to if you spend a lot of time on Youtube. They both speak really fast so the videos are fast paced but I guarantee you, you will not be disappointed.


On a completely unrelated topic, I've decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. I am blessed in more ways than one and I need not wallow in self pity or sorrow. I watched a lot of SoulPancake videos too and I realised that one of the best ways to live my life is to live it happily. So that's what I will do. 

*Insert A Witty Title About Brushstrokes*

Someone once told me to make a list of what I like to do and do it.

It took me a while, but I've started painting. Not regularly, though. I paint when I'm bored or just really feel like creating.

That's what I did today.

I used to think that painting (or creating) was therapeutic. Making things with my hands, watching things come together, art; I thought that it would make me feel better, and happier because I was making something out of stuff that are basically nothing on their own. That's the general idea, isn't it? When we say art therapy, we expect some sense of release and relief. We expect to be better off than when we started. I know now that I was wrong.

Today is my day off and I didn't want to read biopsych so I decided to paint instead.

I was relatively cheery these past 2 days. Everything seemed funnier and brighter. So when I picked up my paint brush and unscrewed the lids off my tiny paint bottles, I was expecting to feel even better at the end of the process; happier and a lot less bored.

The first page was nonsense. Just colours... not even nice colours. After that, I painted a cat silhouette. Then a ram. Then the TARDIS (which I ruined with a badly painted quote). I continued with a few other things.

Throughout the painting process, I suddenly felt lighter but darker. At first I didn't get it. I definitely didn't feel bored anymore, but I didn't know what else I felt.

Once I painted my last thing of the day, I laid back and started to think.

I wasn't bored anymore. I had worked that restless energy off. But I wasn't happier. In fact, I was less happy than when I started. I felt a little gloomier, sadder. And I didn't understand. Why did painting and creating make me feel so sad? It was supposed to do the opposite.

I kept thinking about it.

And then it hit me. Art didn't suddenly reverse it's effect. No. Art did exactly what it has always done. It stripped away my shell. With each brush stroke, I let my guard down. As I completed each painting, one more brick was removed.

Art revealed my core. It took everything away - the mask and the defense systems - and left me with the harsh reality of what I was really feeling. The sadness and the gloom. I was forced to face my waves. Apparently, I wasn't actually as happy as I thought I was. I mean, I know that I wasn't exactly chirpy and completely content. I guess I just didn't want to face the amount of 'sad' I have in me right now.

In hindsight, this is not all that surprising. I was putting on a mask and it worked well enough for me to ignore the tiny slivers of grey creeping through. I just laughed a littlelouder and smiled a little bigger to block it all out. Everything got ripped away when I started painting, though.

I won't say I feel better now but I know that I feel less fake. I suppose that's all that matters, really. Being real with myself.

The Caterpillar You Think You Understand

I wrote a story about a caterpillar today. Nothing special. It was about a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, and the existential crisis it encountered during the process. It got me thinking; if someone read that story, they could infer so much from it; about me, life, what they think I feel or am going through.

But then again, that's not what I put into the story. I didn't project myself onto the caterpillar in the story nor do I think I did it subconsciously. Yet anyone could infer anything from any story by any author. This makes the study of literature nothing but a guessing game.

That's all.

Here's a quote I saw today that I really like:

"God said "Love your enemy," and I obeyed him and loved myself." - Khalil Gibran

p.s: Here's another thought: The internet used to be a place where people were honest but if you look closely, you'll see the mask that is thickening over everyone's emotions. You can't see the truth if they don't let you. (This could be another one of those non-relevant/related things where people infer stuff from, or it could be a mask. I guess you'll never know)

The Lecturer's Fangirl

It's that time of the year again. Time for the shortest month of the year! Which also happens to be my favourite month... for obvious reasons.

This semester has been going quite well. The subjects are interesting, the assignments are not as taxing (or maybe I've just gotten used to handing in 15 pages for each assignment every semester), and the lecturers are brilliant.

I get to see Dr. Eugene for 2 classes every week. That's 6 hours per week! This has to be the best semester I've had since I began on this psycho path. Needless to say, I'm a little bit of a fan of Dr. Eugene. His classes are always interesting and I love listening to him speak. It sounds to me that sometimes his brain wants to get the words out a lot faster than he his vocal cords can keep up with so he stumbles. Or he sounds like he's about to stumble. He's brilliant and no one can change my mind about him.

I also have Mr. Alex who is a joy to have, especially since he's the Biopsychology lecturer. He explains things really well, in my opinion and his notes are concise. Mr. Alex is to me in HELP what Pn. Nik was in secondary school. I love Bio and he makes me love it more each class. I'm actually caught up on all my biopsych readings! I was quite surprised when I realised it.

Now all I need to do I keep up with all the readings that Dr. Eugene gives us. Seriously, almost every scientific research journal is a bore to get through. The introductions are sometimes interesting but when they're not, 6 pages of a scientific prologue can be a little too much. After that, I get lost somewhere around the Methods and Results sections. The discussions are fine if you know what you're looking for. And of course, the conclusions are the best part but also the most useless section of the journal if you're looking for a line or two to explain the gist of the paper.

Anyways, this post is really just something I wrote because I feel like writing. And I really needed to get all my excitement over Dr. Eugene out to somewhere other than Davina's ears. The poor lass has been listening to me fangirl over him for the past 3 weeks now.

Happy New Year, y'all!

Smaug's Sexy Voice

I watched The Desolation of Smaug today!!

FINALLY!

I'm going to say right now that this post if not a review or anything, just me typing out my thoughts. It's going to take a few more times of watching the entire thing before I can even think of a proper review because there's just so much going on!

So here it is, my first impressions:

1. It's an exciting movie. So much happens in those almost-three hours. We see the dwarves and Biblo encounter Beorn. They escape spiders, get captured by Elves, run away into Lake Town, steal into Erebor and finally, chase out Smaug the Stupendous.
2. If you were expecting a spectacular movie that stays true to the book then you will most definitely be disappointed. However, as a stand alone film, I'd say it's pretty good. I ooh'd and ahh'd when I was supposed to, I laughed and even almost cried. It was a good experience.
3. There were so many beautiful people in this movie. SO MANY THAT I DID NOT KNOW WHO TO FOCUS ON! I'm going to watch it over an over again just so I can focus on one person each time.
4. Thorin had so many majestic close ups. Richard Armitage was glorious. 
5. Right, I might as well include a list of those beautiful people (in no particular order):
• Richard Armitage as Thorin. All those close ups and majestic speeches
• Martin Freeman as Bilbo Baggins. THIS MAN IS AMAZING. There's a scene where he loses the ring for a minute. Then he sees it on the ground and reaches for it but then a spider comes up and blocks his way and Bilbo just slaughters it, picks up the ring and says, "Mine". Then he sits back, gives it a beat and suddenly realised what just happened. It was incredible. The switch between being totally entranced by the ring and being a normal, gentle hobbit again was just ergh
• Aiden Turner as Kili. He's adorable as ever but a little bit pale on account of being poisoned. 
• Dean O'Gorman as Fili. He constantly looked like Middle Earth's heartthrob of the century. And when he decided to stay with Kili at Lake Town, it made me tear up. 
• Adam Brown as Ori. HE WAS SO ADORABLE OMG I JUST WANTED TO WRAP HIM IN  A BLANKEt AND PRoteCT HIM From the WORLD
• Benedict Cumberbatch as Smaug & Sauron. His voice has me wishing Smaug was real because holy terrors he was amazing. You could only hear a hint of Benedict beneath those growls and he did a lot of that on his own. 
• Luke Evans as Bard. He was broody, sly, brave and just everything. I cannot wait to see him kill Smaug in the next one.
• Orlando Bloom as Legolas. Bluest eyes to ever blue. He looked a little different in this one, in my opinion, but no less beautiful. His hair is shorter and he's definitely a little less refined than he was in LOTR. And I absolutely love the faces he makes when he's fighting!
• Lee Pace as Thranduil. The most beautiful he-Elf I have ever seen in my life. Sorry Legolas, your dad is King.
6. Now that's done, lets talk about what I did not quite like:
• The whole Tauriel romance thing doesn't sit well with me. I think Peter Jackson could have implied romance instead of shoving it in our faces. This line, "I wonder if she could have loved me?", that was completely unnecessary. I don't mind a Dwarf-Elf relationship but I do mind it being portrayed like some cheesy action romance.
• Beorn was all wrong! He's supposed to be a gracious host, laughing and eating and not giving much away in terms of information. It was all wrong and I did not like it.
• Kili being poisoned. What was that?? All the dwarves were supposed to go to Erebor. ALL OF THEM.
7. Here's what I absolutely adored (not everything la, just a few because listing everything would take too long):
• THRANDUIL!! He was incredible! All mighty and kingly and majestic. The way he walked and talked and just about everything, sensational.
• Tauriel. I was a little skeptical about her at first seeing as she isn't in the books but now I love her. He hair is impossibly long and well maintained (it's a wig, I know), she's sassy and beautiful and everything you'd want of a modern leading lady. She saved the day so many times I just stopped counting. 
• Lake Town. It didn't look as I had imagined it but it was pretty darn good. When the Master of Lake Town was talking to his right hand man, I almost forgot that we were watching a story about dwarves and a hobbit. I kind of wish there could be a spin off about Lake Town.
• Erebor. Treasure everywhere! And I love how Thorin covered Smaug in molten gold. It was a good attempt. And an incredible scene.
• The way Smaugs belly glowed red just before he breathes fire. That was a good touch. Smart animating.  
8. It looked to me like Legolas' eyes are much bluer than they are in LOTR. It looked a little fake but in the right angles, mesmerizing. Orlando Bloom ages pretty well.

Ok, I think that's about it. All things considered, it was a good movie. It doesn't quite measure up to LOTR, granted, but it's stands strong in it's own right. I would definitely watch it again and again just so I can file it away as a pretty good stand-alone movie. And of course, so I can enjoy the beautiful male presence. Seriously, even Dwalin had his moment of majestic posing.

Let's hope I'm better at being 22 than I was at being 26

I wonder why the new year is such a big deal? Fireworks, parties, resolutions. I see why it may be a big deal for school going people since a new year usually means new subjects, perhaps new teachers. But what about working adults? The first day of this year was a Wednesday. A normal Wednesday. They didn't go to work. But then they did on Thursday. So what's the fuss? I don't know, man, but I sure as hell was excited about it!

For me, new year means a new semester at university. The second semester of my second year. In about a year and a half, I'll be done with this. Incredible. I remember starting out and thinking to myself that three years is a hell of a long time to be studying again. I was wrong.

The new year also makes me think of my impending birthday anniversary. 22 years ago (minus about a months and a half), I was born. Imagine that. Or maybe don't. I get really nervous every time my birthday approaches. Honestly, I spent at least half my waking hours yesterday feeling all nauseous and anxious over turning 22.

It's always struck me as odd that I feel nervous. I mean, why wouldn't I be excited? I'm getting older, people are more likely to take me seriously. Also, the older I get, the more control I have over my own life and my decisions. I should be happy, excited. Instead, I'm happy and anxious. All that responsibility.

Also, I can't seem to imagine myself being any age other than what I am right now. Questions like, "Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years?" don't work with my brain because I don't see it as me, aged 5 years older and in the future. What I see when I try to answer the question is me right now time travelling to five years in the future, pretending to know what I'm doing and behaving in the exact way me-right-now would.

I don't know what I'd be like in five years. I don't even know if I'll be alive or have the same number of limbs; how am I supposed to know what I'd be doing with my life in that time?

So yea, birthdays make me nervous. Mostly because I have no idea what the next year of my life will bring me or how I'll will have changed by the end of it. Actually, now that I think of it, I'm also nervous because of the whole responsibility thing. I mean, c'mon, who thought it'd be a good idea to let me grow up and have a set of my own car keys and control of my own bank account?

I want to be able to handle myself well. But I also want to never let go or forget the little kid inside of me. Birthdays are just another way of celebrating the addition of another horrendously boring and routine layer of adulthood over the fun and simplicity of childhood. I have to make sure I build in a giant doorway into those layers so I can access the fun whenever I want to.

Anyways, Happy New Year :)

Goodnight, Raggedy Man

I had the urge to write so here I am.

So many thoughts. But first, Doctor Who. 

This Christmas we said goodbye to the Eleventh Doctor, the amazing Matt Smith and his delicate eyebrows. When I was on a Doctor Who marathon to catch up with the latest episodes back in season 7, I was sad that we saw so little of Christopher Eccleston as Nine. Then I fell in love with David Tennant as the Tenth. Watching him leave was a sob fest in my room. He was beautiful and perfect and I didn't want someone new to take over his name. I was thoroughly against it!

But Davina told me to continue and I did. And before the end of the first episode of Matt Smith as the Doctor, I was hooked. Matt delivered a brilliant performance and till this day, my favourite line from him is, "I'm the Doctor. Basically, run." His first episode; The Eleventh Hour.

He was the boy, the playful one, the cheeky little imp. The quirky dancing, the bow tie, the desperate attempt for a simpler life by forgetting all the pain, the big sad eyes framed with almost no eyebrows and the flappy hands when he speaks. These are the things I'll miss most with Matt Smith gone. He was a fantastic doctor in his own right and no one can convince me otherwise.

Now, throughout the year, I've read tonnes of reviews of the show written by fans. Mostly praising Matt for his continuously brilliant acting and berating Moffat (the head writer) for all the plot holes and shoddy characters. I agree with some of the criticism of Moffat. His writing is obviously misogynistic at times and some of the plot holes are just way to big to ignore. However, I think the Christmas special addressed a few of those plot holes (while creating a few more which I'm sure the fans will pick up on once they're done mourning Matt's goodbye). 

One plot hole I've noticed was the whole regeneration thing. Eleven explained that Ten used one regeneration but kept the same face and the War Doctor used one regeneration as well even though he didn't call himself The Doctor. So that makes Eleven technically the thirteenth doctor. No more regenerations. So he resigned himself to growing old. 

However, there was a point in series 7 when he gave River some regeneration powers to heal her broken hand and he also tried to regenerate when River (as the impossible astronaut) shot him. Where did he get those regenerations from? Major. Plot. Hole!

I'm not too sure but I think those regenerative stuff came from River herself who gave it to him in Let's Kill Hitler (or the episode after that?) when he was dying or something and there was a robot Amy Pond? So perhaps that's the explanation for Eleven being left with no more regenerations in this Christmas episode?

Anyways, the Time Lords supplied him with a whole new regeneration cycle (so another 12 regenerations?) which left him able to change into the Twelfth Doctor (PETER CAPALDI). Cool. But what about the Time Lords? What about Gallifrey? Are they ever coming back to this Universe? Will the Doctor ever see them again? Why was Clara in the same flat as Rose was? Does that mean something?

ALL THE QUESTIONS!

Either way, Matt is gone and I'll miss him a lot. And I think for Whovians, especially those who got into it with the reboot, these Whovians will always equate bow ties with Doctor Who. Matt made bow ties cool. And stetsons. And though no one ever said it, skinny jeans and suspenders. He was our hipster doctor.

On the other hand, I can't wait to see what Peter Capaldi will turn into a trend.

We've only seen him for a few seconds at the end of the Christmas episode. Some people swear that he kept his Sottish accent. I hope so! That's both sad and exciting. Sad because character-wise, he probably developed a Scottish accent in memory of Amelia Pond. Exciting because SCOTTISH ACCENT!

I'm not sure though. He didn't say much so we'll have to wait till August to find out. I'm really excited about Peter Capaldi being the Doctor. I have no idea who he is and I've only watched one movie with him in it (I only watched it because I found out that he's going to be Twelve and I wanted to know him on screen). I'm pretty sure I'm going to like him as the Doctor. He seems promising, really. And I can't wait to see Clara and him interact! Plus, he's got huge eyebrows (which is something I hope Clara points out in the upcoming series).

8 months. 8 months till the next series. In that time, Supernatural season 9 would have ended, so would Sherlock season 3, Game of Thrones season 4 and Hannibal season 2. Also, I'd be done with my second year of university. So many things will end before the beginning of a new era on Doctor Who. 

PETER CAPALDI!

Band Girl

Well look at that. It's been more than a month.

This semester is finally over, thank God. It's been quite a long semester, relatively speaking. I was quite ready to flop on the floor by the end of week 8. But of course, I couldn't. I had 14 weeks altogether to get through. 201 was fun. I learnt a lot and Ms. Winnee was a great lecturer. 209 was ok. I didn't participate in class as much as I should have but I did enjoy the class. I can't say the same for Malaysian Studies, though. That was horrible, as expected. I'm just glad to be done with it (I won't know for sure til I get the results but I think I passed. SO, NO MORE!). 205 was interesting. Engaging, to say the least. Dr. Chua tried very hard to help us change the way we think; going from always finding the correct answer to opening our mind to the possibility of multiple answers that are neither right nor wrong. She had me wishing that all teachers would adopt her method of educating.

School aside, things have been ok. I've not been thinking very much but I think I'm heading there. I've started reading again too. Yes, it's been a little bit of a struggle. Dan Brown's Inferno was no issue but the sixth installment to the Hitchhikers Guide is a little harder. I'm reminding myself to read it whenever I have nothing else to do (which is a lot of the time now that I'm on break). Mama bought me quite a few books from the sale recently so I have a bunch more books to read. I still have the ones from last year too. That's one of the the goals I've set for myself this semester break. Read more.

The others are; make perfect caramel sauce, snail mail christmas cards, make macaroons and paint more (specifically: make typography posters but I think I'll widen that to just any kind of painting).

I've made caramel sauce. It came out a little thicker than I wanted so I'm going to have to do that one again. The thick caramel is pretty good so I'm going to save it for the center of my macaroons if I ever manage to make them. Or I might just eat it plain.

I'm not going through the rest of the list because that would be immensely boring. Instead, I'm going to state something I've learnt about myself. I like bands. Yes, this may seem a little obvious to others but I've only just realised this. the kind of music I like is usually band stuff (not boy band). I like Simple Plan, Yellowcard, Coldplay, Linkin Park. I like the collaboration of many instruments and styles and just music by bands. The only solo artist I can confidently say I like is Ed Sheeran. His music is beautiful and I'd listen to his entire album on repeat, no issue. His voice is just amazing and the songs he write are incredibly poetic. But then there are bands who rock out and sing about everything under the sun, both silly and emotionally draining. So yeah, I'm definitely a band girl. :)

OH also! We're going to Singapore this weekend! I'm really excited! I've never been there so I'm looking forward to it! On the down side, there'll be a disruption to the water supply tomorrow and possibly the following few days as well. I am prepared for stinky.

Quote I found in the book I'm currently reading (though I think the author took it from somewhere else):
For every action, there will be an equal and opposite reaction.