Hello!?
Are you listening? Can anybody hear me? Or am I talking to myself?
That's how I feel sometimes. Not invisible, just mute. I spend most of my day talking to myself. And since I'm talking to myself, I just use brainpower. No actually voice is needed. But when I do talk to other people, I feel like I'm not actually being heard.
I say things, tell stories I wanted to tell, describe my feelings and wonder aloud, but it doesn't seem to penetrate. I stay mute. Where's the button? Can I please be heard?
That's really all I want. Someone to listen. To listen to me and then contribute their thoughts. Instead, I always end up cutting my sentence short because my words don't seem interesting enough for people. They just end up saying whatever is on their mind. It's like they weren't even listening to me. Like they couldn't hear me speak or even see my lips move, let alone comprehend what I was saying.
It's quite frustrating. Imagine this; you're living in your head the whole day. No one else to contribute to the conversations you're having with yourself. Just you and the ever faithful crack pack in your head. Then when you finally get the opportunity to have a real conversation with someone non-imaginary, you can't. Not because you lost your voice from lack of use, but because they aren't interested enough to hear you.
They just want to talk. They're not even remotely interested in what you have to say f it has nothing to do with their chosen subject. So why waste your energy? You just nod along, saying a sentence or two in between pauses. Why bother trying to steer the conversation to something you want to say? They're never going to listen anyway. That's what I feel like.
However, it doesn't stop me from trying. maybe I should stop, though. Because losing over and over again just becomes harder and harder. Which only leaves me with one option. Create more imaginary friends!
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