Psychologically Artsy and Simply Chuck!

First thought, I understand now why artists come up with their best work when they're feeling their worst. Or very, very good. When you're upset, the emotion is so intense, and creativity flows easily when emotions are intense. Happiness, on the other hand, just general happiness, isn't intense enough to start the flow of creativity. Invoking creativity requires a totally unstoppable kinda happiness.

Anyways, I'm on happy mode. I like my life right now. I like the friends I've made, I like the course I'm doing, I like the people around me, I like my room, I like my laptop and I like my current schedule.

Oh, don't get me wrong. There are still things I need to work on. I feel like I've become a little selfish lately. It's partly the influence of these new friends who are either independent and have parents who like them to be teenagers/young adults, whereas I feel the need to be more involved in what's going on at home. Y'know?  And of course, it's partly me undergoing my development stage of adulthood. I'm finding myself and I've been focusing on 'me' a lot.

I think it makes sense, what I'm doing. But at the same time, I feel like I need to find a balance between focusing on 'me' and focusing on every other aspect of my life. It's important that I find that balance now because I think it'll affect the person I'll be in the future. Balanced now means balanced later on as well. Right?

I've been thinking and I realised that me wanting to step down from LEYP as the head is really the wrong thing to do when it comes to the committee but it might be the right thing to do for me. I am a capable person. I can do good things. I just don't want to. I mean, I prefer not to lead a bunch of people. I can barely lead myself right now so I don't feel like I can contribute anything valuable to them.

Moving on, I like shopping. Maybe a little too much, but I really like finding the right blouse or dress, or shoes or socks. It's always fun to find something that makes you smile and want to use it every day. My style is really evolving now and I guess I'm just trying to make sure I get the right stuff; stuff that suits me. For instance, I love clothes that are flowy, sheer, made of chiffon, and are either short or ankle length (if it's a dress). This is more of an old fashioned kinda style. So, naturally, I gravitate towards second hand stuff.

But nowadays, the general fashion trend for women has started imitating that of the 20's-40's. Collared dressed, flowy skirts, fitting but not tight bodices, flats, polka dots. It's the kinda stuff that I like. Which is a problem because a lot of 'new' clothes look really good to me and I want to buy 'em! But they're just so expensive!

I do love second hand stuff, though, which helps. The only problem is that Malaysia doesn't have many second hand clothes stores. I haven't even seen one. If you know of any, please, please leave a comment! :) I really like buying things from thrift stores. There's always so much history attached to things which just adds value to them.

AND, if there's a piece of clothing I like that doesn't fit well, I can always adjust it. That's like an added bonus: getting to use the sewing machine and of course, occupy my free time!

Which reminds me, I have to start using my sewing machine :P I said before that I need to be proactive and this is a good place to start. I should hone my abysmal sewing skills. Practice makes perfect after all, no?

Speaking of art, I really want to go for some art classes. I want to paint. I want to learn about brush strokes, canvases, sculpting and working with wood or clay. I want to do all these things. I just need to find a place to do it. I feel like I have a pit of creative energy just bubbling away in me that wants to be released. Sure, it'll start of a little wonky, but I'm sure I'll get better at it once I learn to control and channel the creativity.

***

OMG!
Something awesome just happened!
CHUCK JUST REPLIED TO MY TWEET! OMG! OMG! OMG!
This is amazing! No, no. It's stupendous! No! It's SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS!!!!
Not only did he reply me, he also had good news about the book; Simple Plan: The Official Story!

I can't even

And of course, this was my reaction:

Yes. That's me.

OH MY GOSH! So yea, this feeling I'm having right now, it's the same feeling I had when Rupert Grint replied to my fan mail and sent me an autographed photo. This, that; same thing. Oh, the intensity of this moment is just.. Ergh.

Wow! Ok. I've calmed down. Really. Wow.

So, where was I? Ah yes, art. I really like art and I want to hone my skills as much as possible. I also want to train my brain to think more creatively. The idea I have for my career is to incorporate art with psychology. So, a therapy centre perhaps. One that provides various types of therapy, including art, music, and drama. Which means I need to ace this psychology degree, get a Master's in counselling and start exploring and throwing myself into various art, music and drama stuff.

To be honest, I wrote this post without the intention of posting it. As I wrote, I realised that what I wrote in it is actually the kind of stuff I wanted to have on my blog but never seemed to be able to write on cue. I found the cure to that; write like no one will read it. (There's a quote that's related to this. I just spent the last hour trying to find it but failed dismally. Ergh).

Anyways, :D

I Do Not Know How to Title This Post. :P

Studying Psychology is basically living through multiple "AHA!" moments a day. It's really great. I learn so much about myself and the people I know. I learn so much about the people around me. My outlook on life is practically changing everyday. New windows are opened and horizons are widened. The sky seems bluer and the grass greener. I like it.

On another note, I realised that I love to shop. Like really. I just want to buy so many things! Luckily I have the will power to not buy everything in sight. Hmmmm. Get a grip Kath! Need to plan out a budget and stick to it.

Growing up is pretty scary, to be honest. Independence and what not.

But, on the bright side, I'm halfway through my first semester as a psych student! Oh, how time flies:)

But then again, I think about growing up an I tremble at the thought. :P

I'm thinking of having a movie marathon during the upcoming one week holiday. Either LOTR, Harry Potter or Tim Burton!

Currently, I'm leaning towards LOTR. I haven't seen it in a while, so that might be good. A Tim Burton movie marathon sounds good too but I might have some trouble finding all the movies. Also, with Tim Burton, I have to decide on whether I want to watch the animated movies or the normal kind. Hmm. Decisions, decisions.

Pfft.

One last thing, I watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy Season 6 today and I realised that one of the patients was played by Demi Lovato. She was really good! So, respect to her, man. I never liked Camp Rock but I realise now that she's a great singer and a pretty good actress too. And I like what she stands for. So, yea.

Anyways, I shall go be unproductive elsewhere.

14 Things I Realised

So, I've been thinking (what else is new?) and I've come to realise a few things.

First: I have very bad short term memory. I'm grateful for my phone calender. I still need a new notebook though.

Second: I need to start taking more organised notes in class.

Third: It's ok to be straight forward just to not to the extent of being like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. Emotional regulation is the key.

Fourth: I should start watching Doctor Who (which I will once I get Benji back and get the series from Dav)

Fifth: I've been regulating my emotions for a while now, even before I learnt about it in class. It's both good and bad.

Sixth: I know some neurotic people (in the scientific and psychological sense of the word). They're not crazy. They just like to be stressed. Or as Dr. Eugene would say, "They're happy being unhappy."

Seventh: Dr. Eugene is, so far, my favourite lecturer.

Eighth: I'm still unsure about what I want to do with my life but I'm currently content with being a student; a psych student.

Ninth: I WANT a new phone but I may not necessarily NEED one. (blogging through my phone sucks).

Tenth: There's a song, only one, that evokes a huge wave of emotions in me. I never thought of it before but yea, it does.

Eleventh: I have a midterm paper next week (just one) and I'm so excited!

Twelfth: I need silence (or really light, flowy music) when I'm concentrating on something like writing or reading a book.

Thirteenth: I need to learn some tact.

Fourteenth: I have to make the moves if I want something. Being passive has never helped me and that's not going to change. It's time for me to be an active seeker, a go-getter.

That is all. Thanks for listening:)

Upstairs Cafe & Benji

So mama and I went to the Upstairs Cafe just now. It's a really cool place. It's like a combination of Starbucks and Baci Cafe (in Citta Mall); jazz music, delectable desserts and a calm atmosphere. It's not at all dim like Starbucks but not as bright as Baci either. It's a good balance. The prices are quite reasonable as well.

I've actually seen it before and always wanted to go in but never did on account of it being upstairs (duh!). But a couple of weeks ago, mama and I saw 2 of the guys from the cafe (they were wearing chef jackets with the cafe name on it) in PJ looking for plates. They were smoking hot (you can blame Peter for my sudden increase in expressing my thoughts about hot guys). Add to that the fact that HELP has trained me to climb a few flights of stairs each day & there I was!

I really like it there. The coffee doesn't come close to beating Baci but the food and atmosphere makes up for it. I felt really indie, free and calm while I was there. I also felt a sudden urge to express my creativity! :) Of course, it also helps that the guys who work there are super nice, friendly and oh so good looking.
I'm definitely going back there again.

On another note, I cut my hair! It's feels goooood!

On a sadder note though, my laptop (which I've christened Benji) needs to stay at the doctor's for another week. I really want him back :(

AND, if you're interested, I've updated my Bucket List:)

Mind Over Mood

I've been self reflecting a lot lately. Here's what I realised today: I've been letting the sadness win.

There's this quote I really like. "It's not about forcing happiness, it's about not letting sadness win."

I've been forcing happiness and inadvertently, I let sadness take over. Take today, for example. There were so many good moments. So many. It started off with 111 and Ross's admiration of the positivity post-it project. Then speaking in front of everyone during 111, learnt a few tips on goal setting which I think will really help me, had a good lunch, met someone else who's crazy about Simple Plan too, had a ball making art at the CPCS open day, traded sarcasm with Peter, talked about TWW with a fellow TWW fan (difficult to find), played the bible quiz online with mama and I was positively reinforced today (apparently, if I were a guy, my friends would date me! I feel good (^^,). Too bad they like guys).

So, why am I sad? Why am I upset and demotivated?

Because I've been focusing on the few bad moments. I've been dwelling in the dark with my eyes closed and wondering why I can't see. I let those moments consume me. I let it regulate my mood. I have to remember not to let sadness win. It's about being filled with those beautiful moments. Moments that happen without effort. Those moments are what matters. Mind Over Mood.

So, I know now what's been bugging me. I just need to remember: It's not about forcing happiness, it's about not letting sadness win.

EDM: Reaction Formation

We were talking about stress levels in class today. Mr. Justin mentioned creative tension. That's when a leader utilises the stress he/she is feeling and channels it into achieving the goals that were set out. He said that we all need to have is the right amount of stress to get us going. We need to be just stressed enough to want to achieve our goal and strive towards it. Not too little (may be anxious but don't work towards the goal) and not too much (too stressed out to function properly).

Mr.J used the LLS assignment as an example. The assignment is due next Monday and he asked us to imagine how we would feel if the assignment was due on Friday instead; and what it if was due tomorrow. Many people said that they'd be on stress overdrive, which sounds about right. I, on the other hand, said that I wouldn't be stressed, which isn't far from the truth. I actually wouldn't be as stressed as the rest of the class.  I mean, sure it's important to my overall CGPA but I think I'd be able to finish it in time and even if I didn't, it wouldn't be the end of the world for me.

So then I asked him, what if someone wasn't the type to feel stressed? He said it most probably meant that whatever needed to be done wasn't important to that person. He went on to explain but my brain went into overdrive right then and I didn't catch what he said after that.

Is that why I feel demotivated? Is this not important enough to me? Is that why I'm so laid back? I mean, yeah, I'm relaxed because I know I still have time and that I'll be able to complete the assignment but does disinterest also contribute to this lack of stress?

I feel substantially upset right now. Am I doing the right thing here?

I don't know. I really don't know.

The next part of the lecture was about positive reinforcement. Mr. J showed us a video about a man who validated parking tickets and his customers. He became well known and he spread positivity around the world (his community) by saying nice things to people to make them smile. One day, he saw a woman and fell in love at first sight, but try as he may, she just wouldn't smile. He gave up for a while.

But then he rediscovered the joy of making people smile. He went back to spreading positivity. Later on, he saw this woman again and she was smiling. She said that when she was young, her mother became sick and she hasn't smiled since then. But one day, a man made her mother smile. And she knew it was him. Her mother was smiling again and so was she.

The rest, they say, is history.

The point he (Mr. J) was trying to make is that everyone wants to be heard; we want people to really see us. Sincerity is important. Nowadays, if someone says something nice to us, we don't take it so well. It may not be true for all of us, but it is for most. The fact is, we aren't used to people being genuinely nice to each other and so we are natural suspicious. It's sad.

And I guess what I'm trying to say is that we don't reinforce people enough. Today, all I really needed was some positive reinforcement. I just wanted to feel all warm and fuzzy inside, you know.

That's all.

Yodalicious!

I am having fun at uni, no doubt. I met some really cool people. They're nice and friendly and we trade sarcasm regularly. So, all is good.

But, the assignments are worrying. I can do them, no problem (so far) but I lack the motivation. I do not know where it went! And so I'm slogging through even the simplest of assignments because I'm not excited about it. There has to be a solution to this.

I just haven't found it yet.

Right now, I have to start working on the Leader Report and the Argumentative essay. Both shouldn't be that hard to do and it really isn't; I'm just having some trouble finding the energy to do it. And then there are the group assignments. I'm meeting both my groups next week. Hope it goes well.

Oh! Guess what we did yesterday?

A few of us decided to spread some positivity around KPD yesterday. So we walked around with post-it notes of positivity and stuck in on to peoples cares, bikes and office doors! We wrote stuff on the post-its that we nice, funny, cute and encouraging. The general idea was to spread some love:)

I think we did ok:) We made a lot of people smile (some probably thought, 'Oh, those meddlesome kids!) and we're happy. We should do these things more often!

Anyway, I should really get started. Peace:)