Scary, ain't it??

Unsettled. I guess that's the word I'd choose to describe what I'm feeling at the moment.

But why, though?

Today, I booked a ticket to Australia. I'm going in July with my Aunty. I'm only staying for 2 weeks but it's an awesome opportunity. I've never been to the land down under, so I'm excited. However, I feel unsettled. I don't think it's the trip, though.

There's a lot going on in these few coming months. The Youth Rally is in August which means organising it has already started. There's stuff to be done. I guess, maybe I'm worried that I'm pushing aside my responsibility. Am I doing that? I don't think so. I mean, I'm not the only one involved in this. I have a whole team of people who are working hard with me to get this thing going. So, I think 2 weeks away won't be such a bad thing. I just feel.. I don't know.. guilty, maybe?

This is all too confusing.

And then there's the whole University thing. I've been thinking about it the whole day. I've been going back and forth on this, listing and re-listing the pros and cons of each decision. Both sides present a very convincing argument. It's just that, the voices in my head can't seem to come to a conclusion and so, I'm feeling unsettled.

Is it supposed to be this hard? No, not hard. Just... confusing. No... complex. Yeah, that's it. Complex. Is it supposed to be this complex? Choosing a university, I mean. I guess it should, right? Because this is one of those big life decisions. A moment in your life when the decision you make will carve out the path you take. Right?

I think part of this 'unsettled-ness' is also nerves. I'm pretty nervous about this whole affair. I mean, all this 'moving forward' and 'growing up' thing can be quite scary. I've always felt safe at school. Probably because I knew what I had coming. I knew what school had to offer. I knew about extra curricular activities. I knew about sports and homework. I knew that it all led to public examinations.

But now, I don't know. I have no idea what University is going to be like. I have no idea what my extra curricular activities are going to be. On top of all that, I have no idea what-so-ever on how modular educational system works! My whole life, school has been about studying throughout the year and then scoring well for public exams. Now, my grades are up for scrutiny after each semester. I need to keep them up and stuff. I mean, I know I can do it, but it just scares me.

The unknown. That is man's biggest fear. Mine too.

I need a conversation.