It amazes me... well, actually, it befuddles me on what course a conversation can take. It's incredible how a simple conversation on how to deal with someones loyalty, of lack thereof, can lead to the questioning of my fitness to lead.
Isn't that amazing? Doesn't it amaze you? Well, it definitely amazes me.
So this is where I'm at. I was talking to my right hand man about a problem that needs solving. We came up with a good solution that we decided to carry out tomorrow. All is well and good.
And somehow, while discussing this problem, I had to open my big mouth (I was actually typing but for literature's sake, I'll stick to this phrase) and tell her what I felt. I told her what I was really thinking. Showed her how my brain works.
I told her that I'm not focused on the spiritual side of things for myself and hence the youths. Of course, there's the usual prayers before and after meetings but that's as far as I'll go with praying. I can't sit through charismatic sessions or weekly prayers. Hell, I don't even get affected by healing sessions. In fact, I feel silly standing there with someones hand over my head while they pray for me. The whole thing feels ridiculous to me.
Now, that doesn't mean I don't want that for other people. Other's are into it, they understand it and they feel it. I'm just not like that. And so, of course, my focus for the youths isn't that either. I'm more of the let's-have-fun-while-we-learn kinda person. That's what I enjoy and that's what I work well with. Which is why there's such a thing as a committee. To make sure that all the angles are covered. Praying isn't my angle to cover.
This, however, brought on the question of whether or not I'm fit to be the head of LEYP (which, I was specifically reminded, is a Catholic youth group). Because it is not right that the head of a Catholic Youth group is not spiritually inclined.
Now, in all fairness, I do see her point. There are obviously concerns as to having a leader that is not an all rounder. However, I can't say I wasn't taken aback at the reply I got. I guess I expected some offer of balance (meaning "I'll balance you out, don't worry. That's what VP's are for"). But no. What I got was the suggestion that I seek out help and then I was shown the door and asked to consider if it might be right for me to step out.
I'm shell shocked. Maybe I should just learn to keep my mouth shut. At first, I was worried that I was being inaccessible. That I should open up more, especially to my team because they need to know what I'm thinking if we are to ever work together. But now, I'm wishing my mouth was as shut as a rotten clam. No opening it, no matter what.
I don't even know if I should take it seriously. That suggestion, I mean. Of me stepping down 'cause I'm not spiritual enough. Is it really that big a deal??
No comments:
Post a Comment