Of Holy Orders....

My mind was wandering while driving (that's a little dangerous) and I started thinking about the priesthood. Well, priests. to be exact.

Priest take three vows right? At least, Catholic Priests take vows of chastity, poverty and obedience. I knew this even when I was younger but I never really fully understood what it meant. When I saw a priest as a child, I knew that he had taken these vows but to me it was like signing a job contract. The only difference was that this was permanent.

But of course, I know now that the permanence makes all the difference in the world. When I was young, a lifetime of chastity and poverty wasn't such a big deal. Obedience was harder to accept. All in all, though, being a priest really didn't seem that hard. Except maybe the singing and praying all the time.

I know better now.

While driving here, I was thinking about all the things I have and all that I still want. I told myself that I shouldn't be materialistic but also that it was ok to want something once in a while. There's nothing wrong with that, I said (and still believe). But don't forget about people who don't have anything. They are not as blessed as I am. That has to be hard. On the other hand, what about those who can have everything and anything but CHOOSE not to? That's definitely tougher.

Why would you choose to be poor forever? Why would you choose to be single your whole life? And why on Earth would you want to be told what to do all the time, even if it is God who's doing all the telling? I really didn't understand. But now it hits me, it's not about those things. It's about love. Love for God, love for the world. It's all about love.

You see, a priest dedicates his life to doing God's work. To be able to commit to that completely, he has to take these vows. And, hard as it may seem, it's actually not impossible. It just takes a whole lot of discipline, commitment and responsibility. You're doing God's work in the world. It's not an easy task. But look on the bright side, God is always there to help you as long as you ask.

I get it now. Being a priest, committing yourself to a lifetime of serving God, is not a choice that can be made overnight. It takes thought and a real strong love for God. (Not that your love for God isn't as strong if you aren't a priest). It's like committing to a marriage. Not the modern marriage where you can get a divorce in 72 days just because you and your spouse can't decide where to live. No, I'm talking about the traditional marriage where you marry your true love and you work through whatever hurdles. You stay together for life and you wait for each other in death, to be reunited again. That's what priesthood is.

I salute the men who made this decision. They've chosen a path that is difficult and they make it easier with God's help. They prove to everyone in the world that God is not impossible. Hey, they can pray all the time, deal with a myriad of people, do charity work and preach all at the same time for they entire lives. So it shouldn't be so hard for us to take some time of to pray once a day at least. :)

C'EST OFFICIEL!

It's official! Mum bought the ticket to the Simple Plan concert!!

I am going! I'm really going! I can't believe it! We bought it online so I'll have to wait for it to come to me via courier. AHHH! :)

The title is in French because the guys are French-Canadian. I just felt that I needed to use French:)

I'm stoked! Now I'm not anxious any more about Rockzone tickets being sold out. I have my own! :)

Much love to my brother and mother! They are the best mother and brother ever!!!

J'aime ma mère
J'aime mon frère
J'aime Simple Plan
Je suis de fille heureuse

I'm on the top of the world!!

Rambling On...

53 days till the SIMPLE PLAN concert!

Hey one and all. Today, I would like to ramble. :) Yes, I do that often but beware that this time, I am going to ramble on with no organisation or structure.

I realised that I have no idea where I'm going to be in 5 years. The most obvious reason being I'm not a psychic. Add to that the fact that I don't really have my future all planned out. I mean, yes, I know what I want to study when I get into a university, but I have no idea where that will take me or in fact, if I'll actually stick to this course at all. So, in essence, I'm going in blind. I don't really have a problem with that because I know (don't ask me how) that I will end up happy. I'll spend my life doing something I love that makes me happy and surrounded by people I love who make me happy. It's like, I know there's light at the end of the tunnel but I don't know what the tunnel holds for me or how long it is. I am sure that it's going to be one hell of a journey though.

Oh and also, I've been hit by this self conscious bug. I realise that I haven't been all that good. I lost my temper, I've been cranky for no apparent reason, and I haven't been paying much attention to anything. I should really switch gears. Keep self checking and all that. I should keep a mirror with me at all times!

I think sometimes we don't realise what we do. We think we're doing OK, that we really are on the straight road but then something snaps and suddenly, we don't know when we went wrong. I don't mean our actions. I mean attitude and behaviour. That's really not something we keep in check all the time because we're so busy chasing whatever it is we're chasing. We lose track and sometimes we need help finding our way back. Most of the time, it's just about realising that we went wrong. It's not easy to keep checking in with yourself, but everyone should make a conscious effort. I will do my best on this.

You know, I really can't stop thinking about Simple Plan's concert. I'm telling anyone who will listen! I don't blame me la, because I've been a fan of them for about 7 years now but I've never seen them live! It's an insult to SP fans everywhere. They came once in 2004 (I think) but it was an invite only show at Zouk. The only way to get tickets was to win them or hope for an invite (I don't know by who). After all these years, they've probably went around the world about 5 times touring. Finally, they're coming back here! I think I kind of get why they waited so long before coming again. They don't really have a huge fan base here in Malaysia. They have more crazy fans in Singapore and Indonesia than here in Malaysia. I mean, it wouldn't be all that fun to come to a show where the audience isn't made up of 50% die hard fans, right?

But still, I'm glad that they're coming in January. I'm going to go all out crazy astronaut SP fan girl on that day! (SP fans call themselves 'Astronauts' after one of their latest songs) Maybe I'll make a sign? That's what crazy fan girls do right? Also, I'll be sure to get Rockzone tickets so I can rock out the entire time right in front of the stage. :) Hopefully they have a meet and greet session we can all go to as well. It's going to be spectacular! I really cannot wait.

I'm thinking about Simple Plan night and day. I'm listening to their songs non stop and keep checking into their website and twitter for updates. I'm getting all hyped up for this concert. Who knows when I'll see them again? They're going to be in Europe next year for a few concerts but unfortunately for me, they'll be there around March. I'm only going to be there with ma and bro in May. Maybe they'll have more shows? Ah well, seeing them perform live here at home will be enough to sustain me for a long time. I think I'll be OK even if I don't get to meet them and take a picture or whatever. At least I get to finally see them live:)

STPM is going fine. The first paper was good. Much better, in fact, than I've ever done. I'm happy about it. The next paper I have to tackle is BM 2 and Economics (Macro and Micro). I think once I'm done with those 3, I'll feel a lot better. I'll definitely feel more relaxed. Only 8 days of till I'm shot of these 3 papers. After that, I'll be home free for Literature (which isn't really so bad). This is another thing I can't wait for. No, not Literature. I'm talking about the end of STPM!

Gotta get my hands on Simple Plan's GET YOUR HEART ON! and soon too... lots of songs to enjoy before the concert.

Major Countdowns!

Right now, I'm counting down to 3 different events.

First up, STPM. That is only 2 days away! I'm not exactly panicking but I do worry a little. I hope I can remember everything I've studied. I hope I can answer the questions well. And, most of all, I hope that I don't lose touch with my friends; because STPM also means the end of my secondary school life. This is it, finally. I'm and done (almost)!

I really like my friends and I hope we still keep in touch with each other. It's not easy, after all, finding people that don't necessarily annoy me. So, we'll definitely meet up once in a while. Not the whole class, for sure. But I am sure about one or two of them. I love La Salle!

Up next is the END of STPM! Yes, that is a countdown too because it means I can finally forget about school and uniforms. I can start thinking abut Christmas! Actually, I'll be thinking about Christmas way before that date but this means I can focus entirely on one thing :) What to get for people, what people are going to get for me. It's a great guessing game.

Of course, and I don't mean to brag, but I'm an easy person to get gifts for. I have a few loves and if I receive anything that has to do with those loves, I'll be happy! But you know, I can be a little irksome sometimes. I don't want much but what I do want might cost a bit. But of course, not everything I want is about material stuff la. I don't mind if I don't get anything because I can earn my own money and get what I want for myself. So, all is well and jolly!

Now comes the greatest (next to the birth of Christ) countdown ever! SIMPLE PLAN's GET YOUR HEART ON TOUR! :) They are coming to Malaysia on the 14th of January and I WILL be there! I cannot express how much I want to see them live. I might even get a chance to meet them, talk to them, or get a hug, maybe? Who knows... anything can happen! Simple Plan is awesome! The only band I really go crazy for and after all these years, I still love them! 

I need to get myself their fourth (latest) album. I want to get it before their concert so I can sing along to all their songs. They sing amazing songs that I can relate to (most people can relate to it too). When they sing, it's as if they're singing for me. I'm sure all other SP fans feel the same and it's great because we're like one big family, all united in our love for Simple Plan :) 

Whenever I go through a moment, be it a happy one or a tough one, I can always find an SP song to fit. Always. They're always there for me and when they come, I want them to know that we all really love them! (and who knows, they might come more often). I know that they always find time to interact with their fans and I really, really hope and pray that they do the same here. It's not everyday you get to meet your guardian angels. 

They're human, just like me and you. The only difference is that they have billions of friends all over the world. They are there for me just as much as my best friend or my mother is. And so, that's why I call them my guardian angels:)

I LOVE SIMPLE PLAN! :)

Now that I got that out of my system (though I think most of it is still in my system), I'm off to eat! :) I love food too!!

14 January 2012

I'm concentrating. Really, I am. I'm focused on making full use of next week to study. I've organised my schedule and I'm doing this with my heart and soul.

Here's the problem. I just found out that Simple Plan is coming down to Malaysia for a concert next year! January 14th! I'm stoked! I hope I can save up some cash to buy the Rock Zone tickets. When it comes to Simple Plan (my favourite band in the world!) the nearer, the better.

ARGGH!!!!! :):):)

Ok, back to STPM now.

Study Week!

Ok. This is it. Only one week left till STPM kicks off. This will be my self-designated study week. I shall be studying and recapping all I've learnt this past year and a half - paying close attention to Economics, of course.

I found some good notes online for Micro and hopefully they prove to be helpful. I need to really pay attention to the first few chapters which I missed; stuff that was taught before I arrived at La Salle. So, FOCUS! Also, I'm going to have to watch Hamlet and start being more 'rajin' at answering as many past year Lit questions as I can.

I'm starting to feel it. Not the nervousness or the fear, but the excitement. I can't wait to do it. For the most part, I just want this to be over. As I've said before, I've been waiting 14.5 years for this. Waiting for the end of it all. On the other hand, I actually like exams. I like the adrenaline rush I get right before entering the hall, the panic of trying to locate my pen in the pencil case when it's actually in my pocket. It's all quite enjoyable. Also, there's the whole wash of relief when I walk out of the exam hall. Whether it's because I could answer the questions or because I'm just glad it's over, that feeling is not duplicable by anything but exams.

Yes, I know I'm weird like that.

Anyway, I don't have to put my heart under much strain because the toughest papers (for me) are all in the first few days of STPM. After PA & BM 2 and both Economics paper, I'll be much more relaxed. Once those papers are over, I'll be left with objective papers and Lit. Not very imposing :)

I'm feeling confident.

P.S: There are other things I wanted to write about but it's getting late and I don't really want to address them right now. Maybe I'll take a stab at it after the first week of STPM. Let my adrenal glands settle a bit. :)

Ohh! Tower Heist was a good movie. I had a good day out with Bryce today. However, I can't help but feel that it was akin to a death row meal. My one last day out in the sun before study week. I have an unusual imagination.
Hmm...

My Platform 9 and 3/4

Warning, this post is for Harry Potter Fans (or people who don't really care).

If you are a Twilight Fan, please proceed to the italicised paragraph located at the end of this post.

If you are not a Twilight fan, nor a Harry Potter fan, I suggest you cease reading.

I've been reliving Harry Potter these past few days. No surprise there since I'm currently re-reading the entire collection. People have asked me, "Kath, how many times have you read those books? Don't they bore you already?" My answer to that, "No." Never. And I don't think they ever will.

J.K Rowling created a whole new world. A place of magic and wonder, somewhere we all wish we could go. The details are so in depth that I can find myself easily getting lost in it. I'd be very happy when someone asks me to explain what 'Hallows' were or why Harry didn't die in the forest when Voldemort used the Avada Kedavra curse on him. I'll be in my element! Explaining every little detail about the 'who', 'what', and 'why' to any one who is listening. Like a Boss!

It's really sad that the movies have finally ended. The actors have all become to intertwined with the books and their characters, it feels like we're saying good bye, not just to the on-screen characters, but to the original book versions too. I'm a visual reader. When I read the words in a book, I imagine the setting - the scene, the characters - in my head. It's how I immerse myself. Well, when I read Harry Potter, I see Emma Watson as Hermione, Rupert Grint as Ron, Daniel Radcliffe as Harry, James and Oliver Phelps as Fred and George. They are the characters in the books as much as they are the ones on screen.

The end, the last movie, the last book; it feels very lead-like. As if there's something weighing down my heart. I know it sounds quite weird, me talking like this about fictional characters from a world that doesn't exist, but they were a huge part of my teenage life. Hogwarts was my home.

In fact, I'd say it still is. Even though the movies are at an end and everyone has said goodbye, but I still have the books. I can still dive into the wider wizarding world any time I want. The Ministry of Magic and Hogsmeade, the Knight Bus and Buckbeak; they're all still there, just waiting for me to come. So, it's not a complete separation. Of course, I'll be left with my own imagination about what happens next, but that's OK though. J.K Rowling has set up a great foundation, explained wizarding laws and histories, theories and wonders and creatures of all kinds. I feel well armed with knowledge to continue on this journey by myself.

I'm going to miss them. The last movie was out a few months ago, but I still have not let go. I don't want to. I'm going to keep reading Harry Potter, over and over again. I'm going to keep my connection to magic still as strong as when I first laid eyes on it. I will not relinquish this one, most amazing world I've been presented with.

No other book or fictional world has quite latched on to me (more like I've latched on to it) like this has; much like a that leech in Terra Nova, sucking the blood from the hyperoxic thief, greatly relishing the high levels on oxygen in his blood. Whenever I get bored of my reality, or if I find I need just a little relief, I will delve into the magic once more. As Emma says, it's escapism. My Platform 9 and 3/4 away from my reality of most Dursley-ish proportions.

I love Harry Potter and anything to do with it. And I'm all for supporting all the actors who worked in the movies in whatever they venture into. Also, J.K Rowling is seriously one madly talented woman. Honestly, she never has to write another book again. She will be up there on the wall of fame with the likes of Muhammad Ali and Micheal Jackson. She shaped a generation, my generation, and I'm thoroughly grateful for it.

I would like to end this post with something really witty that I found on Tumblr, especially to all the people out there who insist that Twilight is better than Harry Potter (I think someone might have slipped you a Befuddling Draught in your morning pumpkin juice):

Deαr Twilight, Our Chαrlie works with drαgons - yours is α bαd pαrent. Our Bella was a psychotic fighter - yours couldnt fight her way out of a paper bag. Our James was a Marauder - Yours was a creepy guy. Our Alice still loves her son even though she lost her mind - yours is an irritating, overly preppy child. Our Blacks are a complicated family warring between themselves over the rights of good and evil - yours are two idiots who think they know everything. Our Robert Pαttinson is good, loyαl, mαn who got murdered by Voldemort - yours spαrkled in the sun. Our werewolf died trying to creαte α better world for his son to live in - yours fought over α girl who wαs αlreαdy tαken. Sincerely, The people who wαnt you to stop steαling our nαmes.


No real offence intended :)

Maybe I should get an owl?

38 Days

Oh hi! :)

Guess what? Only 38 days to go before I am free! Free from my alarm ringing at 5.30am every weekday, free from the blue and white baju kurung which is my identity around 5-7 hours for 5 days a week. Also, and most important of all, I will be free from SCHOOL!

School will be out for good! I have waited years for this momentous, most joyous day to come and now, I can finally see it! I thought I was nearing the end about 2 years ago. That, as I soon discovered, was a temporary relief. But now, now it is the end. The permanent end. I am sure of it.

First, it was 2 years in kindergarten, learning the alphabet and how to count, making tissue paper worms and plastic bottle cap flowers, and meeting my best friend. Then, 6 years in primary school of making friends, learning to make the right choices, being bullied and learning to stand up for myself. Also, it's where I learnt math, discovered my love for writing and went on my first camping trip (in school and the first time out of school too). After that, it was 5 years in secondary school; a much scarier place but also the most educational. I discovered myself, developed and addiction to books, really bonded with my best friend (through thick and thin, countless fights and celebrations) and had some of the best times of my teenage life.

It could have ended there, but of course, it didn't. After the blissful and highly exciting 6 months of everyday being Friday, I went back to school, which is my last sentence. I'm almost at the end and I have to say, however much I'm awaiting the last day, I really am going to miss it all. Here, these past 18 months, I've met a great many people, funny and dramatic, nice and most irksome. I've learnt many useful things, from textbooks and teachers, had to dodge an almost stalker-ish young man's advances (does the first to approach always have to be a weird one?), had my mind set altered by a great bunch of students and also, met some people with positively noxious behaviours.

All this, I am grateful for. And this brings me to what happens 38 days from now. Freedom. Complete and exonerating. I will, finally, be able to say sayonara to that chapter of my life. In 38 days, a whole host of doors will be open to me and I can choose to walk through any one of them. More then one, if I choose to.

The point is, I will be able to explore. That is what I am most looking forward to. New people, new places, new experiences and, as one of my friends pointed out to me, NEW FOOD! :) I am hyped up! A whole new chapter in my life of pages just waiting to be read, scribbled in. Fuuh!

38 Days.

Melting Pot!

These past few days, I've taken to scribbling down my thoughts (and sometimes even using the notepad on the Kindle). I want to put it all up here but there are quite a few different topics and separating them in different posts would mean a lot of loading and reloading of the website which will take forever on this computer. So, I have opted to type it all out here, in one post. :) Hope you (though I think no one reads this other than my mother) enjoy this melting pot of thoughts!

Criminal Justice System:
I read in the newspaper the other day that a man was sentenced to death for trafficking drugs (430 grams of it). Just below that was another article but this one was of a man who was sentenced to 16 years in jail for raping 2 girls. I am thoroughly appalled!

Is this really how the law works? Trafficking drugs can get you executed but raping 2 people can get you a measly 16 years in jail? I fail to see the logic in that. Drug trafficking is categorised as a more dangerous and therefore more heavily punishable crime than rape? Really?

Is this the message we are sending to the world? You can sell drugs, we'll just kill you. End of story. You can rape 2 people, we'll just put you in jail for 16 years. You can then get out, sometimes earlier if you're on good behaviour, and you can start raping again.

This is justice?
Oh vomit!

Society:
Sometimes I see people around me who seem to lack the simplest, most basic values like manners and gratitude. What really got me thinking about this was my teacher saying to the class, "you studied Pendidikan Moral (Moral Studies) for 5 years and yet, you still act like a bunch of monkeys, breaking as many school rules as you can."

In school, we had Pendidikan Moral. We had to learn all the values by heart as well as their corresponding definitions. If you got even one word out of line, you would be destined for failure (which is a big no-no!). We heard words like kerajinan (diligence), baik hati (good hearted), and tanggungjawab (responsibility). But that's all they were, merely words.

We were not taught the real way of behaving and treating others. We had example like "you have to give the elderly your seat on the bus" but that was just so we could answer the questions. The morality we learnt was merely conceptual and there was a heavy leaning towards making sure we memorised all the values and getting A's in our exams rather than actually understanding or applying any of it.

It's no wonder the current majority is made up of rude, unsympathetic, in-compassionate beings (but they just don't realise it). We do the best with what we were taught and trust me when I say, the best we can get from "You must score all A's" is not nearly as great as "this is how a decent person acts and we should all strive to be decent". Not nearly as great.


My Current State of Mind: 
(not very interesting but hey, it's my blog after all)

Feel... What do I feel? Hmm... I'm not entirely sure. It's in my head somewhere. Let me take a crack at it.

It's kind of an out of body experience, only, not really. I know I'm here - I feel present and aware of what's going on around me - but my brains and thoughts and some emotions are kind of separated. I'm not completely here. It's like I'm seeing myself through a glass wall. I see everything and I hear everything but I don't quite feel everything the same way. Not sensations like hot and cold or other nerve-receptor related feelings but real feelings like emotions in my heart and my brain. They're there, just not as strong. I feel somehow disconnected.

I think it's because I know (somehow) that my life is on course. I don't know exactly where I'm headed but I do know that I'm heading the right way and I just can't wait to get school over with so I can take the next step. It's like I'm suspended, waiting for my turn to walk out the door.

I'm coming... or going, depending on which way you choose to look at it.

Loss:
So young. He was too young. I can't imagine how his family is going to handle the loss. His mother, his sister. How can they go on?

I don't know what I'd do if I lost my brother like that. So young, so sudden. I'd probably breakdown. Be unable to function for the better part of my self prescribe and very long mourning period. Never able to be the me I used to be when he was alive.

I wouldn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. I'd just want to spend the last few hours I had with my brother before we bury his lifeless body in the earth forever. I would probably start yelling at people after a while. They'll be trying to console me but I won't want to hear any of it. Words wouldn't bring him back. He would have gone somewhere I won't be able to follow. I would prefer if they just left me alone to mourn.

I hope they can go on with life.

Finally,
STPM:
Haha:)
In 17 days, I will face the beginning of the end of my school days. I'm pretty stoked about it. I'm finally getting in the right frame of mind for some studying and I feel like I can definitely do this.

Right now, my countdown will not be till the start of the exams. Instead, I'll be counting down the days till the 15th. At 5pm on that day, I will be free! No more white and blue uniforms. No more waking up at 5.30am. I can even paint my school shoes! :)

I cannot wait!