Never Knew

This has been the worst week this year. My shifts are all terrible. I've barely even seen June at all this whole week and I only got one closing. The new people are okay I guess. Some of them are doing well but some are kind of slow. I understand though how hard it is to learn something so new. Therefore, I'm trying my best to help them in any way I can. I'm being extra patient and I'm teaching them all I know because I want them to do well too.

Another reason for this being such a horrible week is that there's been alot of drama. I'm not going to elaborate on it here. Suffice to say that some people can be really immature (which shocked me because I expected otherwise from them) and some people who I thought knew me, actually don't know me at all. The latter hurt the most. Their words pierced me like a cold knife. "I never knew you were like that". F.Y.I: I am not like that! You should know me, the kind of person I am. I thought you knew me but I guess I was wrong. I'm going to get over this but it'll definitely take some time. People don't realise sometimes how one little thing (big to me but undoubtedly little to you) can truly upset a girl.

I am in no mood at all for anything much. Some of my favourite people are either coldly distant or just far away. I feel kind of left out. Some of them I don't get to see very often either so that drags as well. I know that I'm over expecting but I can't help it.

It's a sad, sad day, week and month. Hopefully next week and month is much better than this.

IT'S IN!!!

Today, I went to the ATM machine purely to SEE my salary. I know it sound crazy but all I wanted to do was to see the numbers on the screen and let me tell you, it was very satisfying! To celebrate, I spent more than usual or even necessary on my lunch break. I decided to eat food from Wendy's. It was delicious. By the way, here's a friendly warning to everyone: BEWARE! Wendys' medium combo is huge and I'm sure their large combo is enormous. Break was fun. Nad was there and so was Barney. He ordered the combo fajita and I pinched a few from his plate (THANKS!). We talked and laughed and had lots of fun. He was teasing me about something and I sprinkled some pepper on him :) Needless to say, he disappeared for a few minutes.

Anyway, the new SPG's have been okay so far. They're learning, one a little slower than the others, and they're getting better. It feels great to see them all improving in their job because I trained them first so I'm like their coach. Now I know what my teachers and parents feel whenever I succeed at something. It's very satisfying. I want them all to do well, regardless of whether I like them or not.

Today was a learning day for me too. I was taught about the many sauces and soups in Friday's. Most of which I don't like at all and the rest I love. It felt kind of nice to be taught something. I felt like I was back in school. The weird part was that I didn't mind at all. In fact, I think I'm actually looking forward to school again. (That's me, the studying freak!).

Anyway, I'm so tired today (I have no idea why), so I'm going to sign off here. BYE!

Never Judge A Book By It's Cover..

Of that, I'm guilty as charged. I never thought I'd be the one to judge but I've realised that's exactly what I've done. I hope they can forgive me (they don't know though). I was wrong and now I'm going to be very concious of what I think about someone. I feel very ashamed now but I know I'll get better and learn from my mistakes. I was raised better and I hope I become better.

Anyway, I read this on someone else's blog and I have the same questions. My blog is public and I don't have a clue who reads it. So, how do I decide on what to post? Do I just keep writing the surface stuff or do I throw caution to the wind and write anything and everything that's on my mind? Do I keep my deep questions and thoughts locked in my brain or do I share it for the world to know? Sometimes I wish I could just scream my thoughts to the world because everything just seems too big to keep hidden. On the other hand, how do I know what people's response will be to my thoughts? I'm not a normal person. My questions vary to every extreme. "Why is the sky blue?" to "Does daddy really love me?" to "Will I ever find the one?". Like I said, I'm nothing but ordinary. Questions is, do I reveal to the world the conversations I have with myslef in my head? or do I keep them in my head? Right now, every fibre in my body is screaming for me to just post it for the world to see. But a little voice is telling me otherwise. another question: is the little voice always the right one?

Season Of Change

I'm FINALLY off! After 11 days of working without an off, it's good to just sit at home and do nothing. I'm kind of burnt out with working. Now I know why people don't work everyday. It's very tiring to see the same place and do the same thing over and over again for 11 days straight. The day off, a full 24 hours away from work, is just the thing I need to get rejuvenated.

I feel much better about getting back to work tomorrow. It's going to be a challenge with all the new faces. At the same time it'll be fun because even though I've only been working for a month and a half, I have seniority. June and I will have a ball training them. June is a little worried though because she says that she herself isn't very familiar with taking orders. I think she'll be awesome though.

Speaking of new faces, I'm really going to miss alot of the old faces there. Alot of them were nice to me and most of them taught me everything I now about Friday's. I'm going to miss talking to them and joking around. I'm a little attached to all of them in a way. I sincerely hope that they come and visit often. I'd like to see them again some time. Going back to work knowing that they'll be gone is a little upsetting. I do hope the best for them anyway. I'LL MISS YOU ALL!!

***

I've realised that alot of things are happening this time around. It's the season of change. A new batch of staff is coming to Friday's. I'm 18 now and I feel like I have to be more mature, to live up to my age. Also, things at home are changing. As for now, I can't be sure if it's for the better or worse. Everything is a little rocky now. Sometimes I just wish I could tell someone everything that's on my mind without them telling me what's on theirs. I know it sounds selfish but I just want some one to listen to me, to nod once in a while as I'm rambling. Once I'm done, then you can start. Once I get that of my chest then I don't mind being your sounding board. I just need a sounding borad of my own first.

Anyway, I'm in the mood for cooking. I'll make some cupcakes, and then dinner. GOTTA GO!!

Delayed Posts..

I planned to update my blog on the night of my birthday but I was working the closing shift. So then I postponed till the next day. Unfortunately, the internet was giving some problems. Therefore, I'm going to update the happenenings of the past few days here and now :)

14 February 2010:
That was an awesome day. Church was fun because I was wishing everyone Happy New Year and Happy Valentine's while they we all wishing me Happy Birthday. Mass was quite calming for me as well. Then we went for lunch. The family was complete though kind of complicated. My mother, brother, father, step-mother, and half-brother were all there. Also, Cassy (brother's girl) was there too. We had lunch at a restaurant called Sure Pizza. The food was great! I had a great time. However, my father and brother (who are so alike but they don't know it) complained about anything and everything they could. The food wasn't great, the prices were off and blah blah blah. I was a little mad. I wanted a nice lunch with my family but they have to damper it with their constant whining. All this was because they have huge egos and they think that their cooking is the best even though it actually isn't. Anyway, I told them off and they kept quiet. They even complimented a thing or two. The presents were awesome too. I got a jacket and make up set from my dear brother and his girl. Mom made me an awesome powerpoint presentation. Dad gave some money and a cake. All in all, lunch was enjoyable.

Then I went to work. as soon as I entered, June gave me a huge hug. The Anba wished me Happy Valentine's (he forgot my birthday). My heart was breaking. But then he came to me and apologised for forgetting. He hugged me and wished me too. Then Dante gave me a present even though he only found out about my birthday on that day itself. I had fun. After I was done with my closing duties, Nadiah gave me a charm for my bracelet and a cute letter. I can definitely say that turning 18 was great!

***

Skipping ahead till today:
Nadiah started as a dub at Friday's today. She looked like she was enjoying it. I love having her around too. Everyone seems to like her as well. Some people think she's kind of shy but that's just because it's her first day. I was shy too on my first day. Now look at me. I'm loud and laughing all day with the dubs. She'll be ok, I'm sure of it.

Anyway, June and I had a language class from the Philipinos at Friday's. Matabak (chubby) is what I call Barney(Firdaus) and Dante. Payat(slim) is Anba. Guapo(handsome) is Dominic and Adrian Boss. Tito(uncle) is Bernard @ Bernie. Aso(dog) is anyone who gets on our nerve. We'll continue the lesson tomorrow!

On another note (which is still related to Friday's), I got my salary yesterday. But since it's the weekend, it'll only clear on Tuesday. I can't wait to pay my own phone bill and electricity bill. I also want to go shopping. I want to get a nice blouse or maybe I wont get anything. I just want to see the figures on the ATM machine screen. :)

That's all for now!

Lepak-ing!

Today was fun. I enjoyed the day out. I went to KLCC with Leon and I kind of enjoyed myself. We didn't watch a movie as planned because there wasn't anything to watch at all. At least nothing nice. So we ended up just sitting and talking. We met up with one of Leon's friends and we talked some more. Actually, they talked while I listened. I really enjoyed listening to them talk. Like I said before, I'm an observer and it was a fun day of observing. I found a side to Leon I never knew. He's very different when it comes to his school friends compared to church. I think he was more comfortable the way he was today with the exception that I was around. He kept saying that it was awkward for him because I was there and he wasn't used to acting crazy in front of me. I think I've developed a kind of reputation for being Miss Goody-Two Shoes. I don't know how that came around but I don't like that tittle much. It's not like I'm a wild child but I'm not exactly an angel either. I'm mostly crazy to the core, especially with people I know. I was more quiet today because I only just met his friend. By the way, she was a ball. She's a complete shopping machine. To top it off, she's got a good fashion sense. Oh, I also found out that Leon might be a good person to take with me if and when I go shopping. He's got taste in clothes too. Anyway, I'm going to work tomorrow!!

Unsettled

My mood for the day has fluctuated a lot. I woke up in a good mood but somehow it turned sour within the hour. After that, when boss, a.k.a Raja, came, I was a little better. He kept making me laugh. We we're talking about the "difficulties he faced as the boss in Friday's". Yeah right! His faked accent was hilarious. Anytime I didn't feel like smiling, all I have to do is look at him and I instantly crack up. Honestly, he's one of the staff there that I just can't wait to see when I go to work. He makes my day just that much better.

After that, I went for my break. I spent an hour alone with my thoughts (like I don't already spend enough time inside my own head!). Anyway, I was thinking about a lot of things. I think it was my once in a while 'who-am-I?' moment. I was thinking about what subject I should study? What career I should aim for? And of course who am I, really? Then there were questions like who are my friends? and who are my 'friends'? Who will I miss the most from Friday's when I leave? And the age-old WHAT'S UP WITH MY MOOD??!!

Of course, I didn't get exact answers to those questions (I never really expect too, but somehow I'm get very upset when I don't have answers). It was all more of a jumbled mess of thoughts. One thought leading to another, then to another and ending up on a completely unrelated topic. Overall, my head was very messed up today.

Now, my mood is down again. All I wanted was to spend some time talking to my mother and brother. Unfortunately, they're both working tomorrow and it's getting late. They need to sleep. I'm just a little sad. I like talking to them, mumbling and rambling nonsense. They listen to me and I can tell them anything. However, they're tired. So I don't get to spend that time with them. I am disappointed. I'm getting a little nostalgic now because I just remembered those times we used to sing "The Three Of Us" before going to sleep every night. It felt good. I felt safe and happy. I still feel safe now, just not so happy. Life has been great, but some aspects have me a little down.

***
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***

That was me letting out my frustrations on my keyboard. I would have continued except for the fact that I keep pressing the F5 button which asks me if I want to "navigate away from this page" and I have to keep clicking 'NO'. That was a little more frustrating. I'm now in a bitter mood. I just feel like screaming out my frustrations. AAARRRGGHHHH!!

Nope, still not better. Hopefully tomorrow's day out will do me some good. I hope it doesn't feel awkward when we go out. I'm used to chatting with Leon on Facebook but not so in real life. We'll see how it goes. Prognosis looks good though.

Oh well, my eyes are getting heavy. I'll be back here soon! Have a great day!

BAKING MANIA!!!

I've been going for baking classes this past month and I've made some great cakes. I've decided to blog it all at once and here it is
::ENJOY::

So here's where it began.

A key-shaped 21st birthday cake...

Barney! I decorated the right leg:)

Heart-shaped Chocolate box. The green icing was mixed by me^^

Cupcakes that we made and decorated!

Cupcakes that I DECORATED!

Train! I iced the purple coach :)

A better view of my handiwork >.

Finally, The mermaid :)

...Dreaming Up Reality...

We all have dreams. Well, my dreams are usually weird, fictional and kind of like watching a television show. However, last night, I had a dream that felt completely different. It didn't seem fictional and the feelings were very vivid. It wasn't anything like watching a television show. I've never had a dream like that before. My dreams usually start off funny but end up with the characters turning into monsters or something like that. This time though, it was boring at first, intriguing in the middle and ended with a happy and hopeful note.

However, I'm not going to write down what the dream was about here in this blog. It's not that it was personal, but it's something I want to keep to myself.

Moving on, my throat is really getting to me. It's making my voice sound husky and deep. I wouldn't mind except that it's difficult to laugh or even sing. I hope it gets better soon. Yesterday was really terrible. I took some orders but it was so hard to sound normal. There was one guy who wanted to drink something but didn't know what to get. So, he asked me for a recommendation. "Well, my favourite is the chocolate chip shake," I said with my husky voice. He didn't hear me :( So I repeated myself and through out his dinner he had 2 chocolate chip shakes and he ordered another to go! On his way out, he whispered thanks into my ears. Conclusion, I've converted another guest into a chocolate chip shake lover!!

You Won't Get Me!

I felt horrible yesterday. The flu attacked out of nowhere. I was dizzy and my limbs were fatigued. Luckily for me, working stabilised me a little. It was fun. But today, I'm on medical leave. I was just so exhausted. I feel so guilty about missing work. I'm definitely going tomorrow. Amy's back today and I'll only get to see her tomorrow :( Anyway, I can't wait to go back to work. There's not much to do here. There's housework, which I'm doing, but other than that, there's nothing.

I woke up at around 1pm. Then I had lunch. After that I just walked around the house in a daze. I didn't feel sick but I didn't feel healthy either. I was kind of lethargic I think. After that, I decided to sleep again (just to past the time). When I woke up, mom took me to the doctor to get my MC letter. I have to hand it in tomorrow.

I totally love closing shifts, but I just can't wait to go back to work and 5pm tomorrow, or rather today (I'm updating this blog and it's now 12.59am) seems like a long way to go. 16 hours to be exact. Anyway, I also found out that I'm actually a full timer. I thought that I was only working part time. Essentially, it doesn't really matter to me one way or the other, but it certainly feels different for some reason. When I got my first cheque, I felt so proud of myself. It was my first official salary. Before this, I worked with my mom so it didn't feel as good as this does. It was a good feeling back then but this is much better, much bigger. Depositing that cheque, my first official salary, was exhilarating.

Something the doctor said struck me. When my mom told him that I loved my job and that I couldn't wait to get back to work, he said "Yeah, that's how it is at the beginning". That got me thinking. What if this new found love for my job really is temporary? Would I be struggling to get up for work in a few weeks time? What would I do then? Quit? The money isn't the main reason I'm working anyway, so I could quit if I wanted to. But then (as always) my brain had an argument it itself. "Look at your brother," it said, "he's been working there for 2 years straight and he still loves it. So why wouldn't you be the same?". Good question.

After some analysing, I've determined that it all comes down to how I want to feel. If I want to keep feeling the way I do now about my job, that all I have to do is make that choice and it'll be done. Power of positive thinking. It's all in the mind. If my brain tells me to love my job then I undoubtedly will. I'll want to go to work, to see June almost everyday, to meet new guests and to wander around the mall during breaks. It won't get jaded. I won't let it.

Anyway, I can't seem to fall asleep now. I think it's because I slept too much in the day time. Now, my body isn't tired enough to sleep. I'm an insomniac for the day! Well, at least I have time to figure out what to wear tomorrow. I'm thinking of wearing a skirt. But then again, I'm on the closing shift so maybe a skirt may not be such a good idea. Slacks then, with a nice blouse. Yup, that sounds good :)

Oops! Mom's asking me to go to bed. I guess I should. So, see you next time on 'Life With Kathy!'

Sad, sad day..

Today, I walked into work knowing that I won't see June or Amy and I'll only see Owais at 1. So, to start off, my day was already sad. After that, a new SPG came in. She seems like a nice person but she wants closing shifts all week. That made me feel kind of resentful because I personally love closing shifts but now that she's here boss will surely give them to her. Also, some of my favourite dubs were off today and they'll be off tomorrow as well. On top of all that, there was a bit of a stir with an article from the Sun newspaper. It said that foreign workers aren't allowed to work in the frontlines (or something like that) so alot of my new friends may have to quit. I certainly hope that there's a way or a solution to allow them to keep their jobs. They're all student so they have tuition fees to pay and not to mention rental, bills and daily expenses. I'll defintely miss them if they have to go. I just met them and almost all of my favourite dubs are foreign. We've become friends and it'll be hard to see them leave (if they do, which I hope they don't).

On the bright side, June is working the closing shift so I'll get to see her tomorrow! :) I can't wait. I got to spend some time with Nadiah today too. We talked and talked and talked. Since we only had 30 minutes together, we we're both trying to get as much into the conversation as possible. It was kind of funny if you think about it. We just went from topic to topic with no pauses. It was fortunate that we've known each other for so long so we understood each other perfectly. I can't wait for a time when we both get closing shifts. At least then we can have a proper conversation.

Anyway, I have to go for my weekly violin class in a while. Chao!!