A Dog's Night of Fun

'Why are you late?'
'I'm not late, I was downst...'
'And why aren't you wearing your uniform?'
'It's a long story. Let's just say it's in no condition to be worn'
'You can't come to school like this. We can send you back, you know'
'But, my dog got to my unifrom. I had no choice'
'That's not the point. You can't do this. Don't you at least have a school t-shirt?'
'No (duh!)'

***

That's what went on as soon as I sat down in class (unfortunately, my table is right next to the teachers desk). Honestly, it's near impossible to talk to her. She never listens. She never wants to listen because she's always right. It can't be any other way. (What? You mean her being wrong? Yeah right!)

No, I don't have a school tracksuit or t-shirt. I don't need or want to spend RM50 on something I'll probably only wear once or twice. In fact, once I'm done with it, I'll probably never see it again.

Furthermore, what's wrong with what I was wearing? A black tracksuit and plain black shirt is what you told us to wear if we didn't have the school t-shirt. So that's what I wore. Yeah, today was not a sports day or anything like that, but I had no choice. It's not like I asked my dog to wreck the uniforms. (I hear her voice in my head again, saying, 'But you can't wear this!') Well, then what do you expect me to wear? The school uniform that smells like dog and accessorised with fur or the one that smells like dog and accessorised with dirt? Frankly, I wouldn't mind wearing either one of those uniforms if it weren't for the fact that I didn't want to be ignored even more than I already am.

One girl actually came up to me and asked me if I wore the tracksuit and t-shirt on purpose. Come on lah! Who do you think I am? The school rebel? The little rascal? An out of control misfit? You don't know me at all, so please don't judge me. You don't know me because you don't take the time to find out. You do, however, see fit to make conclusions about the kind of person I am based on some vague details you've managed to glean about me from your observations in school? Basically, that I'm an emo teen, ready to lash out at everyone just because I don't talk or smile much, I come to school looking glum almost everyday and I exude an i-don't-care-about-exams attitude. Well, that's not really me. So please, don't get you knickers in a bunch and run the opposite direction when you see me just because you think you know me. If you want to ignore me go ahead. I have no problem with that. I'm not a loner, but I have no problems with solitary confinement.

I know I sound mean, but there's only so much nonsense I can take. Almost all of them look at me like you would a hard core criminal who got released early on good behaviour. Fear & anxiety (that you might be next), awe (that anyone could be capable of such acts) and indifference (because no one cares about ex-convicts). HELLO! Human being here! We come with feeling, just in case you forgot.

Alright, before I continue on with my whining and ramblings, let me tell you what happened this morning. My lovely ex-dog, RaRa, decided to have some fun on his last night here. 'Twas raining, so we tied him nearer the inside area for shade but being the intelligent dog that he is, he bit through his leash and broke free. All hell broke loose, as you can imagine. There were clothes lying everywhere and shoes ripped to pieces. By the time we realised what had happened (it was really early in the morning, when everyone was still as sleep), RaRa had had all his fun and was lying down peacefully at his spot. My mum and I counted the damage and we found that the clothes needed another round in the washer, her work shoes were gone and my slipper was half eaten. Even my school shoe laces are falling apart. My head was spinning. On one hand, I was furious at him for behaving so terribly and on the other, I was panicking about my school uniform which got pulled around by the dog along with some other clothes.

My exam only started at 12 so ma suggested that i go to school late. Yes? No, not an option. So I went to school in the P.E outfit. Not a bad idea, but not a very helpful one either (as you've already discovered).

I'm just so mad at my teacher now. Where's you're flexibility? So, this is the best school in the area? I beg to differ. The canteen sells food that's barely edible, the koperasi, which has sales persons who can't subtract RM1.50 form RM5.00 without a calculator, sells virtually nothing, most teachers are so caught up in trying to get promotions that they're not teaching so much as drilling knowledge into us and most students have no manners at all. I can't wait for this period of my life to be over with. I'll be glad to put it behind me (At least that's how I feel now, but don't be surprised if I end up liking it later on. I don't see how that can happen, but anything is possible).

I was really hungry after reaching school but I didn't dare open the packet of oatmeal cookies I had in my bag. My teahcer might have just sent me to jail. I'm not afraid of the gaol, though. It's the paperwork that terrifies me :)

*Ma told me to look at things from another angle when I told her about what teacher said in school regarding the uniform situation. She said that as a teacher (and not just any teacher, a discipline teacher no less), what I did was indeed wrong. I should not have worn what I did to school because it was just wrong. I should have been more careful and planned my laundry schedule better. I see her point. Although, I still think she could have afforded some flexibility.

One more thing, during the Micro Economy exams, I had nothing better to do but this:

More to come tomorrow, if I'm in the mood. Macro Economy is up :)

Oh well, till we meet again!

First Exam of Form 6

It wasn't too bad. Pengajian Am was exactly how I thought I would be: mind-numbing-questions and a time limit to really test you speed colouring skills. I only just managed to finish colouring in my graph. There's was one question that I didn't answer though. It was a question I just could not find the answer for. So, I left it.

Then, we had Pengajian Perniagaan. This paper gave my confidence a boost. Section A was easy breezy. Section B was slightly tougher but nothing I wouldn't be able to do if I had really studied. (No, I didn't really study and I know I should have and I will once I find me energy which won't take much longer. I hope). I have a feeling that besides MUET, PP is going to be my best subject. I can't wait to prove it to myself and eveyone else. (Yay! Blood is pumping. I can feel the energy building! Wohoo^^)

Anyway, during the intervals between the two papers and of course the two hours before the first paper, I slept. I think I've actually managed to catch up on all the sleep I've lost over the past two years in just one day (today). I was sleeping so much that my MUET teacher actually asked me if I was feeling okay. She feared I might have been ill. To save her the worry, I explained to her my usual before exam routine.It involves no studying at all for a minumun of 8 hours before the exams. Staying true to this routine, I had no choice but to sleep the time away since I was so bored! *Sigh* So, teacher gave me the 'wow-she's-unbelieveably-wierd' look that I was expecting. Then, I went back to sleep :)

Moving on, ma and I are going to try and make Butter Prawns for dinner tonight. We getting tired of cooking and ending up with food that tastes almost the same each time. Time to shake things up abit. Well, I'm off.

WARNING! Hunger Ahead!

Yesterday, I was hungry. I was thinking about food the whole day. I was so hungry and bored that I began 'decorating' a Friday's tissue.

*BEWARE*

I spent the whole day working on this

So anyway, Ty saved me. She bought me a Cornetto Sundae from McD. HEAVEN! I had it while doing my closing duties. It was delicious! Once I got home, I had dinner. Rice, prawn curry and sausages and eggs. Guess what, I was still hungry. So, today, I had breakfast. Then I had porridge for lunch. Still hungry :( Ty was getting fed-up with my constant whining of hunger. I don't blame her. I was quite annoying. Anyway, once I signed out, ma and I had dinner in Friday's. We had Cranberry Fizz, Chocolate Chip Shake, Queso Fundido, and Short Ribs. Now I can finally say it, I'M STUFFED! Ty would be so glad :) And Emy will be so proud! (my partner in crime when it comes to eating).

Alright. Moving on, my brain has somehow managed to shut down while I'm awake. I have nothing in my mind right now. It's completely blank, dead asleep, unusable. I might as well got to bed now. Chao everyone! Till we meet again! I feel like writing again:)

o.O Here It Comes!

I was just on FB just now. I was looking through some pictures of June and Daisy and other Friday's family members and I realised just how much fun I'm missing. I understand that I can't be there more because I have to work on my STPM and think about my future, but I never knew I'd miss so much. I'm quite jealous right now, of all the fun they're having without me. I guess I'll have to wait a little longer. I hear University is fun. I hope it's more than that, to make up for this.

Anyway, I found something called Fabric Crayons. It's like normal crayons but once you draw on a piece of cloth, all you need to do is iron it and the colours will stick. You can wash it and it wont come off. Like fabric dye. I was over the moon. I actually went to the stationary store to look for fabric paint pens but I couldn't find any. However, I came across the crayons and I was so excited about it that I couldn't stop thinking of ways to design my old school shoes when I got home. Now that I have no real use for white shoes, I'm going to mutilate it with these crayons and see how it works out. At least it'll be wearable.

Oh ya! Exams are coming up next week. On Tuesday, to be exact. To be honest, I'm not too nervous since we're all still new to this system but i am worried that i haven't really given my all in school. Being the person I am, I can't be truly calm unless I know I've done my best. I better go study now. Haha!

BYE:)

Just Some Things....

If I had a diary, this is what I would write in it:

I HATE THIS SCHOOL! The atmosphere is torture and my classmates are the epitome of boredom.

I'd write the same thing over and over again because it'll never get old, only worse. The subjects aren't too bad. They're quite fun if I'm being honest. I just need to find a driving force to help me focus because right now, even with my interest in the subjects, I can't seem to concentrate at all. My heart isn't in it at all. I need something to help me keep my attention in class and so far, I'm drawing up a blank.

However, there are somethings in school worth waking up for. An aerobics competition for which I've just been recruited by Adeline is one of them. I only found out today about said competition and we only practiced the full routine about twice this evening. We're in it to win it but it wouldn't seem that way to outsiders and I don't blame them. We only practiced a few hours and we're not exactly professionals, are we? Anyway, it's OK though, I think we're good (but of course, I might be biased. Hehe:) The event is tomorrow, so wish me luck!

Moving on to my hair, it's short now! I think I needed that release. It's probably a psychological need for change or something like that but what do I know, I'm no psychologist. So, I'll post pictures tomorrow and y'all can see how it looks :)

Now, for some really big news. We (as in June and I) have tickets to the MTV WORLD STAGE ASIA concert! I couldn't believe my eyes when June showed me the tickets. My first ever concert. I'm stoked. I'm already planning my hair style and what to wear. I'm just so excited, I can't wait!

AAH!

Well, I'm off to do some other stuff now. C'ya tomorrow!

Fresh & New..

Skipping school yesterday was quite rejuvenating. I spent the whole morning (9.00am - 12.30pm) doing my accounts work. It spent almost 4 hours on it but still couldn't balance the accounts. I've never worked so hard on accounts before and I've never been this upset about being unable to answer (not even other subjects). I handed it in today knowing I'm going to get everything wrong and I was almost in tears when I told my teacher I couldn't find the answer. She's was sympathetic. She told me to let her look through it and she'll help me as much as I need. What a sweet person :)

Anyway as I said, one day off from school was definitely rejuvenating, but it's amazing how fast I can wilt in class. Only one preiod of Business is enough to make me all sleepy and bored again. Adeline saved me though. She bought something from Korea a while ago and I've only just realised that I can make it myself. So, I spent whatever time I had, when I couldn't concentrate in class, designing and drawing blueprints (or a sketch since I didn't draw in blue paper) of that same thing. I want to make one for JJT (you know who you are :))

So now, I'm off creating! CHAO!

Missed some things...

I just finished going through my blog and I realise that I've left out some really important updates. So here I am, attempting to fill you in on everything I've missed.



NAD IS IN PENANG!!! Not Perak, but Penang. She got the offer to study culinary arts in UiTM Penang. She was ecstatic and of course a little upset about going so far, but studying what she has always wanted was just too good an opportunity to give up. So that's, where she is now. I've miss her a lot, especially during those times in class when I have no one to talk to and nothing to say (which is almost every second of everyday, except for recess). I don't call her everyday because it'll be bad for my wallet and I have to learn to let go. I can't stick with her every step of the way. She's got a life to pursue and so do I. I wish her all the best, but I still hope I'll wake up one day and Nad will only be 1 kilometre away like she used to be.



We (as in all Lower 6 students) have each been assigned to a teacher (4 students to a teacher) for our R&D project. It's an individual project so I'm happy. Things like this, I'd rather work alone with some indirect help. Group work won't be effective, especially not when we're all so new to each other. Anyway, I've chosen HIV/AIDS as my main subject and 'The Stigma Surrounding HIV/AIDS' as my title. I'm planning to do a paper regarding the level of awareness of high school students about this particular disease. I think it's an interesting topic and a very educational one at that. What's more, I'll have world famous Prof. Dr. Adeeba Kamarulzaman to refer to if I have any questions. All her journals and research papers will come in handy if my supervising teacher accepts my topic. Also, since ma works in a HIV/AIDS research centre, I'll have statistics and other such data at my fingertips. Don't think this is easy though. I may have all these bridges to help me cross the river, but I'll still have to walk it myself. I'm looking forward to starting my project.



Next is my lack of enthusiasm in school. If you walk by my class at anytime during school hours, you can find me either sleeping, day-dreaming, looking sour, not paying attention, reading novels or ignoring instructions and reading books. I have no 'semangat' for school at all. I think things would be different if I was still in the History class but I'm not. I chose to move to accounts and here I am, suffering the consequences. I feel so mentally exhausted. I just want a nice long vacation, far away form this place, to rejuvenate my mind. This day to day routine is boring me. I can't take it much more of it. I need more, more than just going to school, sitting quietly in class and coming home to homework, school work and work. I need more than a regular routine. I don't do regular, I can't. It's too much to handle, or too little to do (depends how you want to look at it). But what more can I do? How much different can I do things at this time of my life. I have school, I can't run away from that. The house need to be taken care off, it's a shared responsibility and work is work. I don't want to leave work. I would cry, but what difference would that make?

I'm going to skip school tomorrow so I hope I'll be able to get myself into the learning-drive by sitting at home and studying. I need a kick-start on my engines and tomorrow, I might just be lucky.

Top On My List Of Weird Days

Today can definitely be considered as one of the most weirdest day I've had so far. I started my day at 2.30a.m with the FIFA World Cup Finals 2010, Netherlands Vs Spain. I was wearing orange. The match started off quite rough on account of the Dutch and the commentator was serving up his usual amount of snide comments about everything possible, excluding the British referees of course. Even the Japanese referee, who in my opinion is among the best out there, was not spared. The commentator was having the time of his life poking fun at the expense of both teams with meaningless yet discouraging statistics using his terribly irritating voice.He even made a few personal comments like, "The ref is having a little chat with Sneijder there. I don't think Sneijder even understands English,". Well, I'll have you know, anyone can speak English but not everyone can speak Malay. Hah!

Anyway, by the time the game ended, in which Spain won by a goal during extra time that was accepted even though a Spanish player was offside because the BRITISH linesman didn't see it, it was already 5.30a.m. I decided to stay awake because I knew full well that if I let myself drift off, I wouldn't be able to wake up for school a half hour later. All through the ride to school, we were talking about the World Cup and homework (one of those 'weird but it works' combination). Once we arrived in school, we sat around the usual table in the lobby area. All of the sudden, Adeline shouted out loud, "Kath! It's RaRa!". I didn't believe her at first, thinking it was just another one of her jokes, but then again, Adeline has never been able to lie with a straight face. One look, and I saw that she was right. What d'you know!? RaRa was indeed in school. Adeline ran after him with me on her heels. I felt happy and thankful that he managed to find a way back (whether he intended to or not). My prayers were answered :)

All too soon, joy was replaced with annoyance and even a slight twinge of anger. There were two boys trying to claim that RaRa belonged to them. I fixed them with a deadly stare (as deadly a stare as I could muster at that time, at least) and told them he was my dog, daring them to contradict me. They didn't. Adeline and I, then, drove RaRa home and rushed back to school. We managed to make it back before the assembly ended. After that, we made our way back to our own block, slightly away from the main school building. Little did I know, those two boys actually followed me to my class. They insisted that RaRa was theirs and not mine to claim. They jotted down what class I was in and tried their best to spell my name. I think they were trying to show that they meant business. Trying to scare me maybe. They have no idea. Anyway, I helped them out and gave them my full name and telephone number. They can call on me anytime because I have all the proof I need that RaRa is mine. Like ma always said; if you know you're right, then never fear. You know for sure that the gun only shoots blanks even if others insist it's loaded. They wont listen to you so the only way to solve it is to give them the gun and ask them to shoot you. You know it's safe but they don't. So, that's exactly what I did.

What I'm going to say next is going to sound terrible and even illogical, what with all the effort I'm putting in to claim RaRa as mine, but it has to be. I'm going to return RaRa to the person I adopted him from. I realised that I'm not even close to being ready to care for a dog. I don't know if I ever will be. I'm too afraid and witless when it comes to those four-legged fur balls. I love animals, really, but it seems I'm not made to take care of this particular species. I'm going to call his rescuer and fix a time to return him. I just don't know enough.

Moving on to less depressing matters.. well, actually, there's nothing else for now. I'm stuck in a hole. Hm, maybe I'll make some Chili Con Carne. I've always wanted to try and I have all the ingredients. Why not? Hope it turns out good, or edible at least.

Two Is Better Than One.. I Beg To Differ:)

I saw an Arabian man carrying his daughter around the mall in an electric cart today. There was joy etched on every inch of his young lined face and his daughter was just glad to be in her father's arm. I felt a twinge of jealousy when I saw them. Oh, how I wish I had that with my father. I was kind of sad for a while, but then I thought about my mother. She has always been there for me and I know that having her alone is better than having both.

Thanks ma.. I LOVE YOU!

Too Ambitious? NOT!

There are a few things I want to get of my chest.

First, I'm so glad I dropped Economy. The Macroeconomy teacher is really something. I honestly couldn't concentrate on my book while she was teaching. She punished almost everyone (with the exception of the new students) for not completing their notes. I don't understand this. She was the one who said that notes we're all up to us and she didn't care. Now she's punishing those who didn't write notes. What insanity is this? Also, she's so boring that no one understands her at all. Coming back to her voice, I gave up trying to read Harry Potter 10 minutes into her class. It was too much work. So I opted instead to finish up my Business Studies exercise. That worked well since I needed my full attention and the teacher's voice couldn't penetrate the concentration field I set up around my head :).Microeconomy on the other hand, isn't too bad. The teacher is really friendly and interesting. I managed to read Harry Potter in her class quite peacefully. But still, 4 periods back to back of Economy can drive anyone mad, even someone who's not taking the subject (me!)

Moving on, when I came home from school, I was finally in the mood for some baking. So I geared up for some major cookie-making moments. I took everything down, set up my apparatus and just as I wanted to start mixing stuff together, I found that the self-raising flour had expired, the brown sugar was disintegrated by ants and my favourite spatula went AWOL! What a discovery. Anyway, that didn't dampen my spirits. I ran to the store behind my house to get the self-raising flour. They didn't have brown sugar so I had to drive to the supermarket to get some. As for the spatula, I made do with the other one I had (not as great to use as the first but workable). So after treasure hunting, I was already an hour behind schedule. I started baking and just as I was about to put in the last batch of cookies into the oven, I remembered something important: I FORGOT THE SALT!! *sigh* After going through all that trouble to get the ingredients I needed to make some really great, chewy, chocolate chip cookies, I forgot the key ingredient. Now I'm left with salt-less cookies. They taste quite good even without the salt but my favourite part of it was the salt. I loved biting into that one grain of salt in the sea of sweetness. It was heaven, it was what made this cookie the best. Oh well, better luck next time.

Now, let's talk about dreams. On the off chance that you're a regular reader of this blog, you'll remember me mentioning something about a list of things I'd love to do before I kick the bucket. A bucket list, if you will. I know, I know, a bucket list is a for when people know they're dying and they want to experience things before they die and a list is the best way to organise their thoughts. But if you think about it, we're all dying anyway. In fact, I'm dying right now while I write this and you're dying as you read this. It's a fact of life, we're mere mortals and death is a part of life. So, about my bucket list, I want to start crossing things out as soon as possible (crossing them out after I've done them, not because I changed my mind or gave up on it, that's not an option). One thing I know I can cross out this year is to drive from North to South (or South to North) on the North-South Expressway. I'll do it on a holiday and I won't stop for sightseeing. It'll be a pure journey. I'll stop for petrol and food and stuff like that, but nothing else. It has to be during a school holiday, and non-peak periods. I'll work out the timing soon. One kink is, I'm located kind of in the middle of the NSE. So I'll have to travel to the south ('cause it's nearer) and then drive up north to complete the journey and cross out one thing on my list. Then, I'll have to drive back south till I reach home. So technically, I will have driven twice on the expressway :P

So, that's all for now. Enjoy!

Baby Boys & All Kinds of Days

A few things happened since I last blogged. First, we got a dog. An adorable beagle mix. 5 months old and hyper, his name is RaRa.

It felt nice, coming home to him everyday after school. The emptiness at home just disappeared. We were all so excited. We bought him a dog bowl, and tennis balls to play with. He was also very attached to us. Whenever one person got up to go to the kitchen or the bathroom, he'd follow us. There was once, he slept at the foot of my brothers bed and even checked a few times to make sure we were all still there. Unfortunately, the gate was accidentally left open on Friday and he ran out. Since he's still so young and unfamiliar with the neighbourhood, he couldn't find his way back. Now, the house is empty again, even more so than before (if that's possible).

As for school, there are good days and bad days and then there are normal days. Bad days are when I wake up feeling like nothing can bring me down until I start thinking about things I'd rather be doing instead of going to school. An example of a bad day; 3 periods of Business Studies back to back is just too much. I checked out at the end of the second period. The last 40 minutes I spent scribbling nonsense in my book. I just couldn't get my self to concentrate. In a way, I'm glad that I dropped Economics because the next day, there's going to be 4 periods of it back to back. What evil is this?? (If you know me, you'll know that I'm usually optimistic. So, you see how I tend to brood on a bad day? So not me, not completely anyway). Bad days are regular.

Good days, they're great but also very rare. I wake up feeling like nothing can bring me down, not even extremely boring subject taught by extremely boring teachers. This is when I usually see everything as either comical or hopeful. Nothing can bring me down. You give me a situation where things seem impossible, I'll show you how it can be done. On days like these, my mind becomes clearer than ever, my heart is light and feel only peace and gratitude for all I have.

Normal days are unbearable because I feel like "this is who I am, who I will be for the rest of my life", and being me, that's hard to accept. I don't want to be where I am now (literally and metaphorically) for the rest of my life. I want to do things, explore, experience, experiment, enjoy the world, every part of the world. Normal days are dreadful because I feel so normal to the point that I don't know if I can ever be better. Even the thought of being ordinary forever gives me respiratory stress. I feel my heart clench and my throat dry up. My stomach churns at the possibility. I can't stay in one place and do the same things over and over. I'll die (metaphorically) of boredom. I'm not built like that.

That's why I've come up with a list. I'm writing down things I'd like to do over the course of my life. I'll keep adding and editing when ever something comes to mind. I want to do the things I've listed down and I will make sure I manage it before I die. Some of it may sound impossible but it's not. I can do some of it this year. There are some things I'm going to need time to figure out and some I just need to save money for. Again, being me, some of the things on my list are quite bizarre (too strong a word, weird is better I think) if you're not me but I just want to do it because I want to experience the emotions. I know it sounds odd, but that's a big part of the reason I want to explore the world. To feel emotions I wouldn't be able to if I were doing something else, something normal. (I don't know if anyone understood my rambling, but good luck to you :)

Moving on to my brother from another mother, Dillon Li. He's such an adorable baby! To easy for my dad, in my opinion (he needs a tough baby, it's what he deserves). Dillon is not as round as before and he's much more comfortable with strangers (sad to say, I consider myself a stranger to him because I rarely see him =( ). His eyes are big and almond-shaped and he has Fernandez-eyelashes like his father, brother and myself. He's also fond of making monkey sounds. When ever someone talks to him or reads to him, he replies with, "oo, oo, oo". Gosh, I love him!

So those big eyes and Fernandez-eyelashes?

Such a cute baby!

I love his hair too :)