A Blogspot Tumblr Moment

.this goes out to all guys.
We girls like to have guy friends who are sweet and caring and are friendly. But you have to know that there is an obvious line between brotherly love and love love. Trust me, we try our best to not send you mixed signals too. If we do, that means we're already confused.




Some people, some really special ones, have made a huge impact on my life.
I love you for who you are and who I've become because of you.
I am me because of the people I've met and
though I may change (for change is inevitable),
I shall never forget you (for memories are meant to last forever).

.magic.
it's everywhere, just like the stars



.one voice is better than silence.
.passion and truth trumps violence and ignorance.
.anytime, anywhere.



Peace, No War.
When will everyone get that? 



.I do feel like this sometimes.
Everyone is so happy and here I am, upset at something, wondering what is everyone smiling about. But you know, I mentioned before that I live for moments, so when everyone is trying to cheer me up, I tend to smile and feel better. At least for a while. After that I go back to frowning. However, what I remember the most are the moments, smiling moments. Bad moments are ever present too but like in the picture, no matter how outstanding the frown is, it's always outnumbered by the smiles. How can you compete with that, right?

need I say more?

 

Forgive because it helps you.
Forgive because it's right.
But most of all, forgive because you can.





"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

   



.Life's Code.
At least it is for me. I just need to be reminded constantly..
:):)

 



How can I not be?
There may be hate everywhere I go BUT there's much more love and beauty surrounding it.
This is the world I was born into, this is the world that I will leave behind.
And this is the world that I belong in. At least that's something I know for sure!
:)

BELIEVE and UNDERSTAND

Finally! I've confirmed it. I'm going to Sabah in about 2 weeks! June is taking me with her to Sabah (her aunt is getting married). It'll be my first official step in my adventure around the world. Lo! The world has been made available to me and I shall conquer it (figuratively, not literally).

There's something I remember from a course I went to in church: For I do not seek to understand in order to believe, but I believe in order to understand. For I believe this: unless I believe, I will not understand - St. Anslem of Canterbury

That makes a lot of sense to me in a way I can't explain (or maybe I can if I think it through enough?)

Anyway, school hasn't been good. There were some issues with the Editorial Board and Carom teachers. I got a firm talking to by my Carom teacher for missing sports 3 weeks in a row. In my defense, I only missed 2 weeks; the first week I was only 5 minutes late! Last week, our dear EdBoard teacher decided to have a general meeting with the entire B.O.D and the headmistress. The sports teachers let us go because the headmistress wanted everyone who was involved to attend. Settled (with much noise form the other teachers). This week, Mrs.EdBoard called for another meeting that ate into our sports period. On top of that, I had a CSS meeting to attend to as well. I told the teacher I didn't want to go for the EdBoard meeting because they could have done without me (They did; I was completely ignored when it came to choosing the T-Shirt and name tag designs) but she insisted so I went. Once that was settled, I went to the CSS meeting (for which I was late). That's when my carom teacher called me and gave me an ultimatum about missing sports. I'm sorry but I'm not 12 anymore and I won't sit idly by while I get a firm talking to by someone who knows only half the story and refuses to accept the other half. I just told my teacher that she could mark me as absent and I will bear any consequences that may ensue.  After all, I'm not a robot. I can't be at three places at once. I have a feeling that I've been marked as a minor discipline case. They probably have an eye on me now (which is cool in a way!)

Oh well, school is school and in school I shall remain if I ever want to make a difference!

Kath's Brain Chemistry 101

Today, BossBoss asked me what I was thinking about (I tend to zone out sometimes, hence the question). I tired to tell him but everything came out as a jumbled mess (to me it was perfectly clear but judging by the expression on his face, he understood nothing). I wanted to say it wasn't anything important but that's not completely true (though it felt like it at the time). I wanted to explain my thoughts but I just didn't know how. I was thinking about anything, everything and nothing at the same time (doesn't seem possible right?). My thoughts and feelings are closely linked so I tired explaining them simultaneously but that didn't work out either.

I kept thinking, organising and reorganising my thoughts on the drive home. I think I've got it. It's not perfect but it's comprehensible - which is what I'm aiming for right now. Fine tuning can be done later.

When I'm at home, I think of nothing much but home. I just do stuff around the house without much thinking of anything else. When I'm home, I'm fine not doing or thinking anything at all. When I'm at school, I think about homework and classes. I think about CSS and my friends and the Editorial Board. When I'm in school, I also think about my escape, my safe place (Friday's). Sometimes, I get very restless at school or at home. I'm not sure why though. I just feel like I have so much energy in me. I need to jump up and down or scream!

When I'm at my safe place, I feel like everything shrinks. Everything that's bothering me that may have seemed like a big deal becomes just a minor issue. My mind isn't completely void of thought or worry but they just seem minuscule. When I'm talking to BossBoss or even just listening to him talk or watching him work, I feel like I'm away from everything and I'm in my own world. Whenever I see Sunny or BossBoss, I get a huge hug from them both. In that moment when I'm being hugged, everything melts away - all my insecurities and doubts, all my troubles and worries. They're just gone and I'm calm. My brain stops working on overdrive and I can just sit, listening to them talk without anything to overtax my brain. I love being there with them because they somehow manage to make me feel like this without even trying. When I'm sitting next to BossBoss and he's telling me about this and that, I'm completely focused. Even when he's on the computer doing whatever it is managers do, I just like to watch him work. The same goes for when I'm talking with Crazy. We swap stories and thoughts and I'm completely lost in another world. I like to ask him question after question when he's working and the great thing is, he never feels annoyed. He just goes with it:)

However, once I leave Friday's, my security blanket just comes crashing down. Everything get bigger and I start counting down the days till I see them again.

Right now, I have to find a way to keep this explanation in my brain until I see BossBoss again. I think once he understands how my brain chemistry works he'll get what I'm saying whenever he asks me what I'm thinking. That way, we wont have to spend half an hour of me rapidly spluttering out incomplete sentences and BossBoss trying his hardest to comprehend what I'm trying to say. Although, it's during those moments that I feel completely at peace with the world. Just BossBoss and I trying to figure out some great puzzle. Just calm in my brain at the same time I'm trying to explain the mess. Chaos Theory, I suppose.

Oh well, I'll have to remember to tell him this when I see him again.

Anyways, I'm going to go back to being the house zombie that I am.
Toodles:)

Fairy Tales~

Saturday evening, I went out on a date with none other than Adeline. It's been a while since we hung out together so we decided that we couldn't wait any longer. Initially, we wanted to watch Narnia but Adeline changed her mind so we watched Rapunzel instead. My favourite character was Pascal, the chameleon! He was adorable. He makes me wish I had an intelligent pet chameleon of my own to play hide and seek with.

We talked a lot during the whole 4 hours we were together. We caught up on whats going on with each other and talked about almost everything. Spending time with her made me realise just how much I miss having her around. School is still fun in La Salle but Adeline always made it interesting. I want to do this more often and maybe even get Kavi to tag along too. He couldn't come on Saturday because it was ponggal. We'll make sure he can make it next time. 

After the movie, Adeline mentioned that she think 'love' is really not all that. She's got a very cynical view on life especially when it comes to love. Living in today's world, I can see why she feels the way she does. Divorce rates are going through the roof, hearts are being broken left, right and center and romance is being thrown out the window. I get it. It's hard to live in such a cold cruel world, but is it really that bad? Has it really reached the stage where there is no choice but to give up?

Not to me. The world maybe filled with a bunch of unromantic, cynical pessimists but not everyone is like that. I still believe in love. I still believe in romance. I still believe that as long as there are moments, there is magic. I still believe that there is a perfect match for everyone and that everyone is destined to be be happy. Prince Charmings are real. Every girl is a princess in their own right. We all go through times of distress and we are all entitled to a happy ending. I still believe all that even though I've met quite a number of cynics. To me, it comes down to the choices we make. It is entirely up to you how you choose to end up. It's up to you whether you want to let things get you down or whether you want to push them aside and move on.

No, not all of us are going to be easily rescued from our towers by dashing young men the day we turn eighteen. But who says we can't end up happily married with our one true love, have a big family and grow old together in our dream house? It's entirely possible and it's entirely up to you. I'm not saying there wont be bumps along the way, because of course there will. We just have to keep our eyes on the prize.

Ever heard of the song 'Just The Way You Are' by Bruno Mars? If you haven't, go ahead and do it. Pay attention to the lyrics. Every girl out there wants someone to say exactly that to them. Since the song started playing on the radio, you wouldn't believe how many times I've heard another girl say to me how she'd wish guys like that really existed. I just keep saying the same thing: They do exist. We just haven't met them or given anyone the chance yet. I get shot down every time. But I won't stop saying what I've been saying because I believe in fairy tales! Do you?

If there's a rainbow after the storm and light at the end of the tunnel, why can't we have a happy ending at the end of the road?

Moments..

Today was a day filled with moments. First up, we (as in the Visha, Roms and I) went to see the headmistress about the Editorial Board because we were having some issues. We told her everything that happened with the teacher and the B.O.D members. Honestly, Pn.Vasu is the best. She explained to us exactly why she didn't want certain people in the B.O.D and she agreed with us about recruiting younger members to help us, both of which our Teacher Advisor failed to do. All in all, a productive meeting. We've decided that if things remain the same after the major meeting Pn. Vasu is calling with the whole B.O.D, then we will hand in our resignation. Don't fret though, because I have a feeling that things will get better.

Next moment was during recess. Roms ordered me a Roti Milo (weird right?). I had that with fried chicken. The roti milo is made the same way a roti telur is made only the egg is substituted with milo. They sprinkle milo and sugar inside the roti and then fold it and cook it. It tasted quite good. I didn't have it with curry but somehow I think it would be a good combination. Everyone was looking at me eat and one person even called me adventurous for pairing roti milo with fried chicken. I think I'll try it with curry tomorrow :)

After recess, Roms and I were walking back to class when a small boy (probably Form 1) said, "Hello, Senior," to us. We said hi and Roms couldn't resist telling him that he looked cute. He said thanks and as we walked away, we heard him say to his friend, "They said I look cute!". They were adorable! When we reached our class on the first floor, we saw them walking out of school and so we said goodbye to them. They were giggling all the way out. OMG! Haha, I can just imagine how they felt when a senior not only talked to them but also called them cute. They made our day and I'm pretty sure we made theirs :)

One more moment was in Friday's. Crazy is closing so I only saw BossBoss today. We just sat and talked about this and that. No pressure of him being the boss or my constantly worrying about what time my break ends. Just us, talking. It was nice. My escape from the real world for a while.

Now, I have to cook dinner. Adios!

Surprises!

I can't remember the last time I did any school work at home. It must have been years ago. Today, I have 2 essays and one graph to finish. Unfortunately, I do not have enough time during History to complete the task tomorrow. Alas, I'm left with no choice but to put my brain through a workout at home. The first essay is done (though somewhat unenthusiastically). The second essay, a memorandum to object the privatization of government hospitals, is for my BM teacher which means the entire thing has to be written in BM.

Herein lies the problem. I think in English, I argue well in English and my best essays are written in English. I need to find a way to write this memorandum with passion in the Malay language. I have my points. What's left is just to write them out nicely but that's a lot easier said than done when it comes to the language. I'm definitely capable of writing an essay in BM, but the quality is what concerns me. My command of the language can probably be classified as 5/10. Only 50% fluent and I'm expected to come up with and essay to rock your world? Yea right! I'm not giving up though. I'll write the best I can and slowly hone my skills of writing in BM. Mr.Y would be proud:) He's always telling me not to worry and that he'll be guiding me one step at a time. Definitely my favourite teacher!

Next!~

Our MUET teacher set us an essay; Where do I see myself in 5 years? I expected myself to hand in an essay of about 2-3 pages long (as I am wont to do). Alas (again), I have disappointed myself. I completely forgot about it and I had to scratch out something last minute. My syntax was a washout, the whole essay was unorganized and I didn't portray 'me' to full blast. I should have set a reminder on my phone or something. I feel ashamed of myself for not doing it right. ARGH! I shall not do that again.

Next!~

I've always had Random-Thoughts-Moments where I get, well... random thoughts. So, I have decided to blog them! Just for fun. Since I have a very weak memory, I'm going to have to write them down but even I can't write everything single random thought down (since they're random and I probably won't have any writing things on me). Hopefully, I remember the best ones and you'll enjoy them too. This is me giving you an insight as to how my brain works! No, not all desirable to some but hey, we all need an outlet and this is mine. :)

Next!~

I have something exciting coming up but it's not confirmed so I wont post it here yet. Once I know for sure what's going to happen, so will you!

Next!~

Not much. I JUST MISS EVERYONE!!
And I'm still wondering, when....?

The Chap's Folly

[This is something I wrote down a few months ago. I thought I'd share it with the general population- or whoever it is that reads this blog of mine]

Let's talk about how idiotic some men can be sometimes. (Let's all remember that I'm not referring to every single man on the planet but to the inevitable few handfuls of idiotic men that exist)

Why is it that men never really know us? They can spend their whole life with us (be it our brother, father, son, uncle, husband or friend) and act as if they just met us yesterday. Men are just tragically slow when it comes to understanding. They think that one good thing they do can cover up for a whole bunch of dumb mistakes. And to cover up or just avoid getting nagged, they play the victim and give us the cold shoulder when it's actually their fault. We get stuck with the mess they made and, being the more sensitive version of the human race, we clean it up, hiding our tears and hurts because we still care. Of course, they care too but somehow they manage never to show it (except for Valentine's Day or some other 'days' which aren't what really matter).

What happened to the kind of man that accepts his mistakes and thinks before saying or doing something? Or the kind of man that knows how complicated a woman is and tries their best to do right by her? We, women, may be nagging and many layered and noisy and nosy and just plain irritating sometimes, but we do try to understand the simplicity of men. (By the way, for all you guys thinking simple is great, it ain't always the best). We do all we can to understand you and it may take time but at least we manage it. I wish I can say the same for men. They try, yes they do, but they never seem to grow and even if some men manage it, they're most probably too late.

In my short but eventful eighteen years of life, I've seen girls, young ladies and women change when they know they're doing something wrong. A man explains it to us and we change. As for men, well, I've not seen that yet. All I've seen and experienced are men who are too wrapped up in their ego to change or even want to change. They don't see how much we try, they never do. All they can see is what's right in front of them, that is, what they want to see. Never what's actually around them. Their peripheral vision needs a check.

They think.. oh wait, that's it! They DON'T think. Case closed!

[Yes, I do know that my experience level does not give me enough licence to complain about men but I honestly do not care. And don't think I'm oblivious to the faults of women. I just haven't gotten around to writing about it yet :) ]

Sensory Meltdown!

I love to bake (which I'm sure if you follow this blog, you'd know but I still want to mention:)). I make cupcakes and cookies and cakes and even non-dessert stuff like Shepherd's pie, roast chicken and roast lamb.

The savoury stuff, I love to eat. Making it is fun too but I'm not very good at it. I have no sense of what spices go together or if something needs more salt. Which is why I love to test my abilities on my own. I make stuff for myself. I'll give it to others if and only if it passes my quality control standards. Most of the time it doesn't but I get lucky once in a while.

As for the sweet stuff, I love to make more than eat. I may sound conceded but I'm pretty good at making the sweet stuff. I can adjust and bake by feel and I know how it's supposed to taste like before and after baking. My pastries and desserts turn out quite awesome powsome! Or, at least they used to. The last few times I made cookies (which was on Christmas day) and cupcakes (which is today), they turned out terrible! They're edible of course and not actually disgusting. I just can't seem to pass them through quality control. They're not as great as they used to be and I can't do anything to adjust. I feel like a failure. My sense of smell and taste have deserted me. I don't know if my cupcakes are good and I can't tell if my cookies are done right. I'm stuck!

Disappointment assumes me.
My sensory organs have failed me and I am lost!~

Butterflies!

Hmm, having butterflies in my stomach isn't always a good feeling. Especially not when I have food in my stomach too. I don't know why (I've been using that phrase a lot lately!), but I've been getting that 'butterflies-in-my-stomach' feeling a lot more regularly. It makes me feel nauseous sometimes as well. It happens at random moments when there is no reason for me to be even slightly nervous. I've lost my appetite too. I wonder whats up with me?

Oh well!

Tomorrow, CHS is having a New Year Mass and the LaSalle CSS is in charge of the music. I'm stoked because it'll be my first ever CSS activity. It's nothing huge but I feel very involved (even though I didn't do much!). It's being held tomorrow after school at the CHS Hall and mass is being celebrated by Father Simon yong (I don't know who that is).

Right now, I'm waiting to watch BONES! Season Finale baby! Tempe's look in S5 is the best so far:)

Orait, I'd better go now. It's starting!

Resolutions?

So, I almost found my school spirit back. I say almost because there are still times when I space out and day dream and give in to laziness and think of how much I just want to go back to work! Today, I was focused during Econs class and half there during PA. During BM, I was completely there and Carom was half and half. I want to keep myself busy so I won't dream too much and keep longing for Friday's. I'm hoping that this year, I'll shoulder my responsibilities more firmly (namely Head of Special Features in the Editorial Board, Secretary of CSS and Class Interior Designer). Those titles sound awesome, especially the last one, but they're not too easy. I have to keep reminding myself not to let Marcus (my CSS President) down with my forgetfulness and complete lack of spirit. On top of that, I need to do some serious brain storming and leg work for the School Magazine lest Visha (Chief Editor) hunts me down! As for the class, I've done some work and it's been going well so far.

Doing other stuff gets my mind of things. Impossible as it may seem to most people (who don't know that I'm the thinking type), my brain has been on overdrive lately. There's been a lot of things on my mind and I just can't seem to concentrate as easily as I used too. I keep thinking and thinking and as much as I tell myself not to think, that's when I think some more. *phew* It's kind of exhausting sometimes.

Anyways, I'm planning a whole new routine this year and it all depends on what I have to do for school (i.e homework, CSS work and editorial work), and if I have the wheels. I want to spend as much time with the people that matter (BossBoss and Crazy and Sunny and etc.). As long as they're there, I'll be there too. If or when they move, I'll see if I can still pay them regular visits. I feel safe and comfortable and calm and happy when I'm with them and I don't want to lose that. I love ma and my bro too and I see them everyday so I'm sure to have those feelings when I'm at home. For the rest of them, I don't want them to be one of those group of people I get close to and then never see again. As for Nadiah and June, I know that they'll always be there so I'll see them when i can (since they're both busy with university). I will make it happen!

Miss you guys! :)

I'll Miss You, 2010

I hate this part right here!

It's great to be moving to a whole new year, another cycle, another adventure. I just hate leaving the good stuff behind. I have to leave Friday's and the family that comes with it (I'll miss Boss the most!). I'll have to leave behind the environment of working with adults. It's back to school with people my age (not my kind of crowd) and homework and stuff. I know I have to move on, to study and build a life for myself but I just hate leaving everything behind except a few memories. My last two days at work were the best and worst this whole year! I met some friends I know I'll keep for life and I've met some truly annoying people. I had heart stopping moments and butterflies in my stomach moments and moments where I just wish I could pause for a bit longer. There were a lot of 'what if's' and 'oh my..' moments too. The last two days were filled with said moments. It was as if they were trying to fit the quota before the year ended. I have a feeling that 2011 might be different. There will be a lot more moments and people. I can only hope that things work out the way I want and expect it too.

It's safe to say that I finally feel like an adult (mostly). No need to mention who, but some people I've met this year have helped me figure it out and I thank them for it. I know a lot more about myself. I realise that I have more self control than I thought. Also, I can be very emotional and clingy:)

I don't want to loose touch with some of the people I've met this year (most of them are Friday's staff). If you know me, you know that I'm not the kind of person to remember birthday's or try and keep in touch. However, I've met some truly amazing people whom I don't ever want to forget. So I'll try and hopefully, we'll be in touch always.

I have to prepare myself for a whole year of being in school. Honestly, I don't want to be there but I need to and I'll do my best there because I want a great future. I'll make sure I have people that matter around me all the time (Crazy says: the best things is to have a few people that matter as opposed to many people who don't). That will be the best thing that could possibly happen.

Anyway, enough philosophy.... for now.
Happy 2011