Les Robots!

Singing la-da-da-da-da~

So, y'all know I'm a huge Simple Plan fan. Well, I have recently become a fan of Sebatien Lefebvre too! Now, if you could, you would ask me who is he? Well, he's one of the guitarists in SP (SP fan's are going, 'duh!'). By the way, I was already a fan of his collectively as a band with the others but now I'm also his fan, solo-wise. 

I know that he has an iTunes podcast with Pratick Langlois (former SP web guy) called Man of The Hour. It's like a radio thingy (I'm quite sure that there's supposed to be an 'idobi' in there somewhere). They're now on their 8th season! Sadly, I've never listened to any episodes. They talk about music, they sing and lots of other stuff too.

Anyway, that's not the point. Here's the point. Seb also has an EP (I'm googling that as we sp-... erm, as I write). He released the first EP (An EP, short for extended play, is a musical recording which contains more music than a single, but is too short to qualify as a full album) in 2008. I only heard one song from that called "I Fall For You". I heard in on Youtube. The video was directed by Chuck (SP drummer). It was amazing! 

I've always loved Seb's voice. It's very different from Pierre (lead singer) or David (bassist). It's kind of soothing and light. Another way I can describe it is that it has this smoky-ish quality to it when he sings low. He also has this unique pronunciation. Mostly it's normal but his tongue is either longer or shorter than normal. I love his voice.

So, I decided to go looking for his second EP, "Les Robots" which means "Spam" according to Google Translator. I wanted to listen to the previews at least (I think his first EP costs 7.90 USD or something). To my delight, I found that Seb put the EP on his website (I don't know about it till today) and is allowing everyone to download it for free! YES!

That's exactly what I did. I downloaded the entire EP, all 7 songs. Now to the important part; "Les Robots" rocks! It's so different from SP. Seb's songs are laid back and light. It really suits his voice. One song is just instrumental, one is in French and the other five are in English. The French song sounds wicked! It's called "Tu Me Manques" which means 'I Miss You'. I Google-translated the whole song so I could understand it. 

One of the songs he recorded was with Katie Rox (Googling it) called "Catch Me". They sing it together (Katie Rox, born Katie Biever is a Canadian singer-songwriter). Seb sings really low and when I hear it on my headphones, it's like he's right next to me. No joke! If I close my eyes, I could easily imagine Seb singing straight into my ears. I get goose bumps every time.

So, this is my message today: Listen to Sebastien Lefebvre's EP!

Les Robots - EP by Sébastien Lefebvre

Christmas Emo-isms

Christmas is over! So soon. Actually, it isn't over yet. Twelve Days of Christmas, remember? So, yay!

Anyway, it was a good Christmas this year (like every year). First up, people actually came (not like last year). They arrived and food did not get wasted. One thing though, I'm not good at entertaining people in my home. What am I supposed to do? I feed them, sure, but what then?

I'm a listener and an observer. Therefore, I make a terrible host. I just sit there and look at people. I can't start conversations. I don't know how. So, my guests end up getting quite bored and they leave early. Hmm.. that's so my fault. Oh well, never again! I really don't want to do an open house when I get my own place. The mess I have to clean up and being tired and the noise level - it's not my thing.

Another good thing this year was that I got 'Vanilla Cream' from Nad! Vanilla cream with REAL vanilla pods! OMG! That is awesome! It tastes great. So far, I've eaten it just like that and with bananas. I've only seen a vanilla pod once in my life. I saw it in a bottle at a market. RM23 for 2 pods. That's daylight robbery man! Nad managed to find some vanilla pods and she made me vanilla cream for Christmas. It's definitely the most delicious present ever! :)

Anyway, other than that, I got a bag and a tiny notebook (I love notebooks!). Nice things. I'm happy.

Actually, no. I'm not completely happy. I shouldn't be complaining or whining about this. I have so many nice things already. I just thought I'd get something else this year. Something I really, really wanted (and still want) but I didn't get it. I'm upset. I shouldn't be and it's shallow of me to be but I can't help it. :(

I definitely appreciate what I have, though. I guess I'll just get it myself later when I start working. Hmm.

Now for the emo part of my day. I haven't been all that jolly these past few days. I'm not actually sad or anything but I just seem to lack that happy spark. I can't put my finger on it. I can sense this gloomy aura or something. Weird.

People around me have been moody too. Maybe I'm rubbing off on them? They're all emo with me. What did I do la? It's kind of frustrating. I mean, I don't do anything to upset you, so then why are you upset with me? If you're upset with something or someone else, don't tunjuk muka to me la. I'm alone all day, you know. So, I really don't like facing emo people.

Imagine having to spend the entire day in you own head, then at the end of the day, you have to face emo-isms. C'mon la. Gimme a break. This is why I like to go out. I like spending time with my friends because they like talk a lot and they make me happy. After a few hours with them, I can face all the emo-isms you put in front of me. It wont be so bad.

I terasa la.

Oh! I just thought of this (thinking about it whilst typing so this is a fresh thought!). Maybe part of the reason I'm happy-less is because of Dillon. When he came yesterday, he was already tired and worn out. I terasa because he didn't want to play with me or even acknowledge me. I stayed out of the way because I could not have faced his rejection in front of my friends. I mean, I talk about him so much in school. I tell everyone about how cute he is and how he likes playing with me. What if he started crying (because he was cranky)? That would break my heart man. Being rejected by my own baby brother in front of my friends. No thank you.

Yea, that's probably part of the reason. Well, i hope tomorrow makes me feel better.

Right now, I'm going to study all the GYHO (get Your Heart On, for you who do not know) lyrics. I want to commit them all to memory, hopefully by this week. My own Simple Plan study week. What could be better!


Btw, Nad introduced me to this BLOG. It's great! Go check it out:) (Right now I'm pretending that there's someone reading my blog other than my mother. I honestly don't know if there are other people who read this. If there are, thanks! Leave a comment once in a while la)


:/

Swoon Worthy!

Hi again:) This is a 'musings' post.

First up, I want to talk about a guy. I met this guy while I was at work today (just a one-day work thing). He was about my height, had short hair but not like spiky short - more like Bieber-ish (I really couldn't find another word to describe it!). So anyway, it was as long as how Bieber used to have his hair, he also had this knitted hat, wore skinny jeans and a ring or two. 

This guy had a very vibrant aura about him. He smiled happily and in a breezy, care free way. He was so friendly! And his voice was... I really don't know how to describe it. To me, it was like hearing Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam singer). Not the same tone or sound but the feeling I get when I hear it. It's like I'm suddenly calm and I can just close my eyes and listen to it all day. It was soothing and at the same time, I felt like I was in a cocoon and his voice just wrapped around me. 

That sounded so cliché and/or weird but that's what it was like. This guys is probably... no definitely, the best looking guy I've seen with my own two eyes. I think it's not only his looks but also his sense of style, the way he walks and his aura. It all tied in to become this one, amazingly 'wow' guy. He definitely goes on the top of my list of hottest/most charming/best looking guys (if I actually had one)

I thought Orlando Bloom was great. Well, I'd pick this guy over Mr.Bloom at any time of any day. 

:)

Now, the next musing spawns from this post that I found on Tumblr:

It's funny, how when someone says they love you, and you can't really feel it, but when they say they don't love you anymore, you can feel every ounce of what was drain out of your entire being.

I've never thought about it but now that I have, I find this quote to be very accurate. We say 'I Love You' so often and it's good that we do because it helps us realise that there is love in the world, and that we are loved.

The thing is, we sometimes don't appreciate it enough. Sure, we hear someone say that they love us and we feel loved. What we don't feel is inexplicable gratitude and relief and love. We feel all that but not in the amounts that we should.

We become quite used to love that we don't truly appreciate its presence. Am I making any sense?

The quote really explains it all. When we hear that someone who once loved us (whether deeply or simply) doesn't any more, we suddenly feel the pain. It's like we had this piece of flesh on our body, so perfectly blended into our entire self that we don't realise it there. Then, when it's ripped from us, we feel the pain, the void of what was once there. 

Some people say that "I Love You" has been used too much till it has lost its power. At one point, I believed it. But now, I think we haven't used it enough that we've forgotten its true meaning and the immense effect it can have.

Tell people you love them because love can never be over rated, and cherish the love you get because love is too painful to lose.


P.S: If you are a regular reader here (and even if you are not), you should know that I published this right after I published the previous post. So chances are, you haven't read the previous post yet. Just sayin'. Keep scrolling!

Broga Hills, Semenyih

I was on top of the world! :)

I finally made it to Broga. This was in the planning stages for so long that I honestly wasn't sure if it would happen or not. Thankfully, Tong isn't flaky. He was determined to keep busy and celebrate his freedom to the fullest.

We left at 4 am (They got lost on the way to my house, again!). Me and three guys, conquering the hill (Tong keeps reminding me that I shouldn't say mountain because it wasn't a mountain). Anyway, we arrived at Broga around 5.45 am. Everything was so dark! We parked at the base which was a small palm oil plantation. I mean, really small. There were like 40-50 trees only. All planted in straight and orderly rows. Anyway, the guys were all playing scared and refused to turn off the headlights till everyone had their torchlight on.

We started climbing. Barely ten minutes into it, my legs started screaming. But I kept on going. The climb didn't start too bad, actually. Only later, when we neared the first platform, it became steeper. We reached the top of the first hill in time to watch the sunrise. It wasn't one of those postcard moments kind of sunrise but it was beautiful nonetheless.

After it was bright, we continued up. Well, we had to go down a little and then up again. We went all the way near the top. We couldn't go further because there was a group of people there and the peak wasn't all that big. We settled between two huge rocks that looked like some giant sliced it in two. The view was spectacular. I could see building form so far away. I swear, I think I saw tall KL buildings.

After snapping some pictures, we made our way down. We didn't stop on the way this time because it wasn't as tiring. My toes hurt though but it wasn't too bad. On the way down, I realised just how steep most of the climb was. I loved it! :)

We headed to a small kampong for breakfast. The kampong was located right at the Selangor - Negeri Sembilan border. I could, literally, just put one foot in Selangor and the other in Negeri Sembilan. Tong had to go to Negeri Sembilan to take a U-turn. That just tickled me!

I had soft boiled eggs. I shouldn't have been but I was completely awed that the eggs had almost white shells. Well, duh! They were kampong eggs la. Free range and all. Obviously the shells were white, unlike the egss we get here which have brown shells.

Here are some pictures:)

Jolly Good Times!

Carolling was great! :) It was done in a much smaller scale this year with only one day of carolling and 11 houses, but it still rocked!

We sang quite well. The only problem was our volume. We didn't start off loud. Also, everyone was tired by the third house! We did good, though. I had so much of fun and I'm so proud of all of us. We all remembered our parts, no one got lost and there were no tantrums. The food was good too!

Santa Claus was awesome but the best part was Santarina! She was epic! Santa bumped into her a few times along the way while dancing but she never stopped. I loved watching her! :) She should do it again next year la!

Anyway, another thing I have to celebrate is the end, like really, the end of my high school life. It's over! My last paper was at 5pm and now, I am officially NOT a high school student! I'm all grown up now, aww!

So, to celebrate this auspicious occasion, I have changed my email address. I've decided that I need a more professional sounding email. 'cutecat1402' has served me well. It has been with me all through my schooling life and it even got me started on Facebook. But the time has come for me to say goodbye.

Now, I have a new email. I hit jackpot with it because no one else chose the address that I wanted which meant that I didn't have to use numbers! :) I feel so good. The time has come for me to step out into the world and my first order of business to prepare myself is to change my email. It's a milestone! :)

Ok, enough of this la. Truth is, I just can't sleep! I'm so stoked about being free from school that I cannot shut my eyes. I think it's all the endorphins in my blood stream. The 'happy' chemical that's keeping me awake!

I'm not going to keep writing till I fall asleep, I know you have better things to do than read my rant for 10 pages. (I actually wrote down quite a lot of my thoughts during the exams. Almost 2 pages each exam cramped with words and drawings in a mere 30 minutes!)

I just have one more thought to add, Mel has a really nice smile!!! It's like the truly heart-melting kind that makes his eyes twinkle. Nice too look at. *ehem*  ;)

Didaskaleinophobia

I never want to go back to school ever again! Seriously, never, ever again!

I had a terrible nightmare last night. I was back at school for another year. This time, it was a level higher than the years before and everything was so hard. The subjects were all just crazy difficult. My notes for the day were like a foot thick; just one day! We were in an auditorium for a slide show about the topic of the day and we were supposed to take notes. I couldn't get past the first slide. I was lost within seconds. It was, quite honestly, a nightmare!

After that, I had to face all the junior students. They were monsters! They were so rude and loud and unforgiving. I got teased about everything from my head to my toes. I don't remember being that rude, or rude at all to my seniors. I'd prefer to call those little punks something a lot more terrible than just monsters.

I was in tears by the end of the first hour. I felt so defeated and angry. The teachers were rigid, the students were uncaring, the subjects were tough, to say the least, and my body ached all over from the weight of all the books and notes I had to carry. (I think that was just my subconscious mind trying to incorporate my actually aching body into my dreams)

It's like everything bad I ever had to face in school all rolled up into one day. I didn't have a bad school life. In fact, I enjoyed it. But when you take out all the good, leave only the bad and multiply that by a thousand, it'll make any sane person go mad. Never again will I go back to school. No uniforms, no cheeky little juniors and no impossibly hard subjects that will have even Einstein running for the hills.

Anyway, when I woke up, I was in tears. I've never cried because of a dream before. I've been too scared to go back to sleep, angry or upset but never have I cried. I feel mentally shaken, emotionally exhausted and physically battered. This is definitely not a good start to the day.

The worst part is, I have a paper later at 2pm. I have to be in school. I don't know how I'm going to handle it. Even now, just thinking about it makes my heart weak. This is silly. It's just a dream but it really affected me. I am not in the right mood today. Luckily for me, today's paper is just an objective one. No need for too much thinking. I hope I can make it. No panic attacks, please.

I really need an ice cream or chocolate right about now.

UPDATE:
I managed to walk into school. But my heart was working over time all the way. I just had to get out of there. I just had to.

Where Is My Only Exception?

I love who I am. I have certain issues that need to be worked out but I really do like the person I am. I just wonder if other people do?

I have friends. They like me. But is there someone out there who really likes me? I mean really, really likes me. Sometimes I just feel like that's what I want. I want that one person who really, really likes me. 

There is a song by Paramore, The Only Exception, that says, "I swore to myself that I was content with loneliness." Is that me? I don't actually feel lonely at all. Not always. Most times I'm content because I have people around me whom I love. I have hobbies and other things going for me. However, there are times when I just feel like I want that one person I can talk to at 3 in the morning. Someone I can go out with, hold hands with, and just kiss him because I can. 

I've never been lucky in that department. I've never had a relationship. Anyone I have/had a crush on either treats me like a sister/kid or is either in or ended up in a relationship with someone else. It's like I have no chance at all. Why is that?

This post is floating around on Facebook 'from guys to girls'. I'm just quoting an extract. 

"find someone who will treat you with utter respect.

Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say 'i love you' ..and actually mean it.

Give the nice guys a chance."

That's really all I want.

I'm not so naive and I know that for a relationship to reach that level, it has to start somewhere. Problem is, I haven't even found that starting point. 

It seems to me that all almost all the nice guys are taken, some are gay and the rest aren't interested. How bout giving the weird girl a chance for a change?

I'm not beautiful, but I'm not ugly. I'm not completely sociable but I'm not socially inept either. I can be fun. I'm shy, I'm no genius, and I have a weird sense of style. I'm not your model type, trendy, fashionable and outgoing young lady. I'm different and I'm proud of who I am. 

Is that why it's hard? Because I'm not 'normal' and most guys don't go for 'not normal'? I don't know. All I know is that I have faith. He's out there somewhere. My starter, my future husband. Maybe they're the same people, maybe they aren't. But they're out there and I will never stop searching. 

I do feel kinda defeated right now, however.

Theme-less; Just The Way I Like It.

I've been wondering, maybe I should have a theme for my blog. Write about one specific field or something.

Hahahaha! No, my blog does not have a theme. I'm not going to pick a field of interest and stick to blogging only about said interest. A lot of people can do that, because they're good at it. Not me. I cannot stick to just 'art' or 'politic'. My blog cannot have a theme because I cannot stick to one.

This blog is about what goes on in my brain. That's why I started it. I need somewhere I can just let out whatever is in my brains and heart, much like a diary. This is my digital journal. I don't post uber personal stuff here mostly because I don't have much of an uber personal life. So, I mostly write about things that tickle my fancy or ignites a spark or whatever I'm keen on at the moment.

That's it, really. That's all this blog is about. I want this to be a record of stuff that I do in my life. I want to be able to look back at random on one of my posts and think, "that really did happen, didn't it?". If at the same time, I happen to amuse you with my slow, quick-wit or my highly sophisticated bordering on silly sarcasm, then I'm glad I could help.

I like writing and this is my writing tool. I have to remember to thank the creators of Google and Blogger. They're both pretty smart people. Probably pretty and smart... (guys can be pretty, right?)

Anyway, I also want to thank people who've read this blog, or is reading it now. Even though I can't see you and you probably don't exist, thanks for tuning in. I hope I haven't assaulted your intelligence. Seriously, my mad skills of sarcasm can be pretty deadly. And dry humour. (Wait, do people pour water on their computers to make wet humour?)

Oh well, whatever it is, I'm going to keep this up. Maybe more exciting things will happen in my life and I might get smarter which in turn will make this blog a lot more interesting.

For now, toodles folks. I've got some butterscotch sauce to eat!

Round House!

At first, I was going to write abut how cranky I was feeling. Not to worry though, I have just shifted gears. Instead of ultra-cranky me, I'm going to write about my future round house!

For those of you who do not know, I want to live in a round house when I grow up. Queer, yes. It is a little odd that, unlike normal people who want fancy apartments or gigantic square houses, I want a round house. I first decided on this when I read that Luna Lovegood in Harry Potter lived in a round house. That isn't the only reason I want a round house though.

I think round houses are underrated. They're beautiful. Round houses feel almost magical. I don't know how or why but they draw me. And so, I have decided that I want a round house. I wanted to live on a farm first but now, I want a ROUND farm house!

I found this layout on wordpress. I Googled 'round houses' and this is what I found.

Queer Houses for queer people

It's beautiful! I can just imagine how this house would look. Anyway, I used this layout as a guide and designed my own round house floor plan. I don't like the round library and oval parlour (what is a parlour, anyway?). Also, this layout seemed to be a multi-storey house. I'd prefer a single storey round house. So, I worked the floor plan of my future house (using 'Paint' of all programs). Here's how it turned out.

I hope you can forgive the lack of architectural skills in the designing of this floor plan

As you can see, I scraped the whole 'round in a round' idea. Instead, I decided that straight walls, all pointed to the center of the house was the way to go. At first, I designed it so as to have only one bathroom, a communal bathroom, because this is how it is at home. I changed it though because I think having a master bedroom with a personal bathroom might be fun.

Anyway, the living room is connected to the kitchen because I love food and I want easy excess to it. Also, it's fun to watch TV while cooking. Next, the kitchen has a separated wet kitchen area. This gives this house a kind of non circular look but I like the idea of a wet kitchen.

After that, there are three bedrooms. I don't know why I put in three or why I didn't just stop at two or maybe gone to four. As for now, I'll just pretend that bedroom 1 is for mama, bedroom 2 is for bro and bedroom 3 is mine. I'm sure that it will be readjusted as time goes by.

The library is the final room. I wanted a separate room for all my books. I only have one bookshelf full now, but mama has tons and I'm sure I'll be collecting more. Also, I think the library can be a den too. Oh, and as a place for me to display whatever stuff  that I've collected over the years.

There's a staircase in my layout, which is (as I'm sure you would have already pointed out to me if you could) a contradiction of my earlier statement. Yes, I prefer a single storey house. The staircase is there as a backup. And if not, I'll just leave it there to put stuff on! :)

Or maybe, I'll make a tower up there? Yeah, that sounds good! And instead of a staircase, I'll just use a rope ladder and a firemen pole!

Ok, so yeah. This is my plan. Right now, I'm not even 20 yet but I'm sure that in years to come, I will be saving up on cash and learning as many skills as possible so I can build this house with my own hands. Oh, and probably find a husband to humour all my queer dreams. :)

*Preferred materials: Granite and big, big stones like the ones the Egyptians used for the Pyramids! But I'll settle for clay bricks and cement or whatever it is they use these days. 

Improvising Fatherhood, a Nate Smith Blog

I stumbled upon this blog a few days ago. It's called "Improvising Fatherhood". It's about 'the comedy about being a dad'. Nate Smith, who is an improv comedian decided to start this blog to record his journey through fatherhood. The main star is, of course, his son Chandler.

Because Nate Smith is a comedian, he has this amazing ability to laugh at anything and make you laugh at anything. He finds laughter and projects it well. Just by reading his posts, I can tell how much he loves his son and his wife and being a father.

I stayed up reading about three quarters of his entire blog. I saw the little man grow up from foetus to 2 years and 3 months old. He's such an adorable baby.

Anyway, the reason I wanted to mention this blog is because I think it's amazing. Nate Smith and his wife are two really funny people who seem to be taking parenthood in their strides. They're having fun and are learning just as much as Baby Chandler is.

I think it's a great idea to document their son's life like this. Who knows what the baby will think when he's all grown up, but for now, this is a great read.

It's really cool to read about the simple things Chandler does that totally mesmerises Nate. Things like calling his father 'Eeeeee!' or dancing when he thinks no one is looking. Add to that how awed Nate gets when his son learns something new. Babies can bring real joy to someone's life and it's wonderful to see just how much joy this one little kid can grant his parents.

Nate can be pretty funny about Chandler, taking pictures and making up stuff that he imagines Chandler would say. It's a lot of fun. Everytime I read it, I can just laugh out loud and completely feel the love they have for each other.

So, I hope people who read this (if there are any) would check out this blog.
Improvising Fatherhood - the comedy about being a dad.

Dude, I've Lost The Signal!

Hello!?

Are you listening? Can anybody hear me? Or am I talking to myself?

That's how I feel sometimes. Not invisible, just mute. I spend most of my day talking to myself. And since I'm talking to myself, I just use brainpower. No actually voice is needed. But when I do talk to other people, I feel like I'm not actually being heard.

I say things, tell stories I wanted to tell, describe my feelings and wonder aloud, but it doesn't seem to penetrate. I stay mute. Where's the button? Can I please be heard?

That's really all I want. Someone to listen. To listen to me and then contribute their thoughts. Instead, I always end up cutting my sentence short because my words don't seem interesting enough for people. They just end up saying whatever is on their mind. It's like they weren't even listening to me. Like they couldn't hear me speak or even see my lips move, let alone comprehend what I was saying.

It's quite frustrating. Imagine this; you're living in your head the whole day. No one else to contribute to the conversations you're having with yourself. Just you and the ever faithful crack pack in your head. Then when you finally get the opportunity to have a real conversation with someone non-imaginary, you can't. Not because you lost your voice from lack of use, but because they aren't interested enough to hear you.

They just want to talk. They're not even remotely interested in what you have to say f it has nothing to do with their chosen subject. So why waste your energy? You just nod along, saying a sentence or two in between pauses. Why bother trying to steer the conversation to something you want to say? They're never going to listen anyway. That's what I feel like.

However, it doesn't stop me from trying. maybe I should stop, though. Because losing over and over again just becomes harder and harder. Which only leaves me with one option. Create more imaginary friends!

Of Holy Orders....

My mind was wandering while driving (that's a little dangerous) and I started thinking about the priesthood. Well, priests. to be exact.

Priest take three vows right? At least, Catholic Priests take vows of chastity, poverty and obedience. I knew this even when I was younger but I never really fully understood what it meant. When I saw a priest as a child, I knew that he had taken these vows but to me it was like signing a job contract. The only difference was that this was permanent.

But of course, I know now that the permanence makes all the difference in the world. When I was young, a lifetime of chastity and poverty wasn't such a big deal. Obedience was harder to accept. All in all, though, being a priest really didn't seem that hard. Except maybe the singing and praying all the time.

I know better now.

While driving here, I was thinking about all the things I have and all that I still want. I told myself that I shouldn't be materialistic but also that it was ok to want something once in a while. There's nothing wrong with that, I said (and still believe). But don't forget about people who don't have anything. They are not as blessed as I am. That has to be hard. On the other hand, what about those who can have everything and anything but CHOOSE not to? That's definitely tougher.

Why would you choose to be poor forever? Why would you choose to be single your whole life? And why on Earth would you want to be told what to do all the time, even if it is God who's doing all the telling? I really didn't understand. But now it hits me, it's not about those things. It's about love. Love for God, love for the world. It's all about love.

You see, a priest dedicates his life to doing God's work. To be able to commit to that completely, he has to take these vows. And, hard as it may seem, it's actually not impossible. It just takes a whole lot of discipline, commitment and responsibility. You're doing God's work in the world. It's not an easy task. But look on the bright side, God is always there to help you as long as you ask.

I get it now. Being a priest, committing yourself to a lifetime of serving God, is not a choice that can be made overnight. It takes thought and a real strong love for God. (Not that your love for God isn't as strong if you aren't a priest). It's like committing to a marriage. Not the modern marriage where you can get a divorce in 72 days just because you and your spouse can't decide where to live. No, I'm talking about the traditional marriage where you marry your true love and you work through whatever hurdles. You stay together for life and you wait for each other in death, to be reunited again. That's what priesthood is.

I salute the men who made this decision. They've chosen a path that is difficult and they make it easier with God's help. They prove to everyone in the world that God is not impossible. Hey, they can pray all the time, deal with a myriad of people, do charity work and preach all at the same time for they entire lives. So it shouldn't be so hard for us to take some time of to pray once a day at least. :)

C'EST OFFICIEL!

It's official! Mum bought the ticket to the Simple Plan concert!!

I am going! I'm really going! I can't believe it! We bought it online so I'll have to wait for it to come to me via courier. AHHH! :)

The title is in French because the guys are French-Canadian. I just felt that I needed to use French:)

I'm stoked! Now I'm not anxious any more about Rockzone tickets being sold out. I have my own! :)

Much love to my brother and mother! They are the best mother and brother ever!!!

J'aime ma mère
J'aime mon frère
J'aime Simple Plan
Je suis de fille heureuse

I'm on the top of the world!!

Rambling On...

53 days till the SIMPLE PLAN concert!

Hey one and all. Today, I would like to ramble. :) Yes, I do that often but beware that this time, I am going to ramble on with no organisation or structure.

I realised that I have no idea where I'm going to be in 5 years. The most obvious reason being I'm not a psychic. Add to that the fact that I don't really have my future all planned out. I mean, yes, I know what I want to study when I get into a university, but I have no idea where that will take me or in fact, if I'll actually stick to this course at all. So, in essence, I'm going in blind. I don't really have a problem with that because I know (don't ask me how) that I will end up happy. I'll spend my life doing something I love that makes me happy and surrounded by people I love who make me happy. It's like, I know there's light at the end of the tunnel but I don't know what the tunnel holds for me or how long it is. I am sure that it's going to be one hell of a journey though.

Oh and also, I've been hit by this self conscious bug. I realise that I haven't been all that good. I lost my temper, I've been cranky for no apparent reason, and I haven't been paying much attention to anything. I should really switch gears. Keep self checking and all that. I should keep a mirror with me at all times!

I think sometimes we don't realise what we do. We think we're doing OK, that we really are on the straight road but then something snaps and suddenly, we don't know when we went wrong. I don't mean our actions. I mean attitude and behaviour. That's really not something we keep in check all the time because we're so busy chasing whatever it is we're chasing. We lose track and sometimes we need help finding our way back. Most of the time, it's just about realising that we went wrong. It's not easy to keep checking in with yourself, but everyone should make a conscious effort. I will do my best on this.

You know, I really can't stop thinking about Simple Plan's concert. I'm telling anyone who will listen! I don't blame me la, because I've been a fan of them for about 7 years now but I've never seen them live! It's an insult to SP fans everywhere. They came once in 2004 (I think) but it was an invite only show at Zouk. The only way to get tickets was to win them or hope for an invite (I don't know by who). After all these years, they've probably went around the world about 5 times touring. Finally, they're coming back here! I think I kind of get why they waited so long before coming again. They don't really have a huge fan base here in Malaysia. They have more crazy fans in Singapore and Indonesia than here in Malaysia. I mean, it wouldn't be all that fun to come to a show where the audience isn't made up of 50% die hard fans, right?

But still, I'm glad that they're coming in January. I'm going to go all out crazy astronaut SP fan girl on that day! (SP fans call themselves 'Astronauts' after one of their latest songs) Maybe I'll make a sign? That's what crazy fan girls do right? Also, I'll be sure to get Rockzone tickets so I can rock out the entire time right in front of the stage. :) Hopefully they have a meet and greet session we can all go to as well. It's going to be spectacular! I really cannot wait.

I'm thinking about Simple Plan night and day. I'm listening to their songs non stop and keep checking into their website and twitter for updates. I'm getting all hyped up for this concert. Who knows when I'll see them again? They're going to be in Europe next year for a few concerts but unfortunately for me, they'll be there around March. I'm only going to be there with ma and bro in May. Maybe they'll have more shows? Ah well, seeing them perform live here at home will be enough to sustain me for a long time. I think I'll be OK even if I don't get to meet them and take a picture or whatever. At least I get to finally see them live:)

STPM is going fine. The first paper was good. Much better, in fact, than I've ever done. I'm happy about it. The next paper I have to tackle is BM 2 and Economics (Macro and Micro). I think once I'm done with those 3, I'll feel a lot better. I'll definitely feel more relaxed. Only 8 days of till I'm shot of these 3 papers. After that, I'll be home free for Literature (which isn't really so bad). This is another thing I can't wait for. No, not Literature. I'm talking about the end of STPM!

Gotta get my hands on Simple Plan's GET YOUR HEART ON! and soon too... lots of songs to enjoy before the concert.

Major Countdowns!

Right now, I'm counting down to 3 different events.

First up, STPM. That is only 2 days away! I'm not exactly panicking but I do worry a little. I hope I can remember everything I've studied. I hope I can answer the questions well. And, most of all, I hope that I don't lose touch with my friends; because STPM also means the end of my secondary school life. This is it, finally. I'm and done (almost)!

I really like my friends and I hope we still keep in touch with each other. It's not easy, after all, finding people that don't necessarily annoy me. So, we'll definitely meet up once in a while. Not the whole class, for sure. But I am sure about one or two of them. I love La Salle!

Up next is the END of STPM! Yes, that is a countdown too because it means I can finally forget about school and uniforms. I can start thinking abut Christmas! Actually, I'll be thinking about Christmas way before that date but this means I can focus entirely on one thing :) What to get for people, what people are going to get for me. It's a great guessing game.

Of course, and I don't mean to brag, but I'm an easy person to get gifts for. I have a few loves and if I receive anything that has to do with those loves, I'll be happy! But you know, I can be a little irksome sometimes. I don't want much but what I do want might cost a bit. But of course, not everything I want is about material stuff la. I don't mind if I don't get anything because I can earn my own money and get what I want for myself. So, all is well and jolly!

Now comes the greatest (next to the birth of Christ) countdown ever! SIMPLE PLAN's GET YOUR HEART ON TOUR! :) They are coming to Malaysia on the 14th of January and I WILL be there! I cannot express how much I want to see them live. I might even get a chance to meet them, talk to them, or get a hug, maybe? Who knows... anything can happen! Simple Plan is awesome! The only band I really go crazy for and after all these years, I still love them! 

I need to get myself their fourth (latest) album. I want to get it before their concert so I can sing along to all their songs. They sing amazing songs that I can relate to (most people can relate to it too). When they sing, it's as if they're singing for me. I'm sure all other SP fans feel the same and it's great because we're like one big family, all united in our love for Simple Plan :) 

Whenever I go through a moment, be it a happy one or a tough one, I can always find an SP song to fit. Always. They're always there for me and when they come, I want them to know that we all really love them! (and who knows, they might come more often). I know that they always find time to interact with their fans and I really, really hope and pray that they do the same here. It's not everyday you get to meet your guardian angels. 

They're human, just like me and you. The only difference is that they have billions of friends all over the world. They are there for me just as much as my best friend or my mother is. And so, that's why I call them my guardian angels:)

I LOVE SIMPLE PLAN! :)

Now that I got that out of my system (though I think most of it is still in my system), I'm off to eat! :) I love food too!!

14 January 2012

I'm concentrating. Really, I am. I'm focused on making full use of next week to study. I've organised my schedule and I'm doing this with my heart and soul.

Here's the problem. I just found out that Simple Plan is coming down to Malaysia for a concert next year! January 14th! I'm stoked! I hope I can save up some cash to buy the Rock Zone tickets. When it comes to Simple Plan (my favourite band in the world!) the nearer, the better.

ARGGH!!!!! :):):)

Ok, back to STPM now.

Study Week!

Ok. This is it. Only one week left till STPM kicks off. This will be my self-designated study week. I shall be studying and recapping all I've learnt this past year and a half - paying close attention to Economics, of course.

I found some good notes online for Micro and hopefully they prove to be helpful. I need to really pay attention to the first few chapters which I missed; stuff that was taught before I arrived at La Salle. So, FOCUS! Also, I'm going to have to watch Hamlet and start being more 'rajin' at answering as many past year Lit questions as I can.

I'm starting to feel it. Not the nervousness or the fear, but the excitement. I can't wait to do it. For the most part, I just want this to be over. As I've said before, I've been waiting 14.5 years for this. Waiting for the end of it all. On the other hand, I actually like exams. I like the adrenaline rush I get right before entering the hall, the panic of trying to locate my pen in the pencil case when it's actually in my pocket. It's all quite enjoyable. Also, there's the whole wash of relief when I walk out of the exam hall. Whether it's because I could answer the questions or because I'm just glad it's over, that feeling is not duplicable by anything but exams.

Yes, I know I'm weird like that.

Anyway, I don't have to put my heart under much strain because the toughest papers (for me) are all in the first few days of STPM. After PA & BM 2 and both Economics paper, I'll be much more relaxed. Once those papers are over, I'll be left with objective papers and Lit. Not very imposing :)

I'm feeling confident.

P.S: There are other things I wanted to write about but it's getting late and I don't really want to address them right now. Maybe I'll take a stab at it after the first week of STPM. Let my adrenal glands settle a bit. :)

Ohh! Tower Heist was a good movie. I had a good day out with Bryce today. However, I can't help but feel that it was akin to a death row meal. My one last day out in the sun before study week. I have an unusual imagination.
Hmm...

My Platform 9 and 3/4

Warning, this post is for Harry Potter Fans (or people who don't really care).

If you are a Twilight Fan, please proceed to the italicised paragraph located at the end of this post.

If you are not a Twilight fan, nor a Harry Potter fan, I suggest you cease reading.

I've been reliving Harry Potter these past few days. No surprise there since I'm currently re-reading the entire collection. People have asked me, "Kath, how many times have you read those books? Don't they bore you already?" My answer to that, "No." Never. And I don't think they ever will.

J.K Rowling created a whole new world. A place of magic and wonder, somewhere we all wish we could go. The details are so in depth that I can find myself easily getting lost in it. I'd be very happy when someone asks me to explain what 'Hallows' were or why Harry didn't die in the forest when Voldemort used the Avada Kedavra curse on him. I'll be in my element! Explaining every little detail about the 'who', 'what', and 'why' to any one who is listening. Like a Boss!

It's really sad that the movies have finally ended. The actors have all become to intertwined with the books and their characters, it feels like we're saying good bye, not just to the on-screen characters, but to the original book versions too. I'm a visual reader. When I read the words in a book, I imagine the setting - the scene, the characters - in my head. It's how I immerse myself. Well, when I read Harry Potter, I see Emma Watson as Hermione, Rupert Grint as Ron, Daniel Radcliffe as Harry, James and Oliver Phelps as Fred and George. They are the characters in the books as much as they are the ones on screen.

The end, the last movie, the last book; it feels very lead-like. As if there's something weighing down my heart. I know it sounds quite weird, me talking like this about fictional characters from a world that doesn't exist, but they were a huge part of my teenage life. Hogwarts was my home.

In fact, I'd say it still is. Even though the movies are at an end and everyone has said goodbye, but I still have the books. I can still dive into the wider wizarding world any time I want. The Ministry of Magic and Hogsmeade, the Knight Bus and Buckbeak; they're all still there, just waiting for me to come. So, it's not a complete separation. Of course, I'll be left with my own imagination about what happens next, but that's OK though. J.K Rowling has set up a great foundation, explained wizarding laws and histories, theories and wonders and creatures of all kinds. I feel well armed with knowledge to continue on this journey by myself.

I'm going to miss them. The last movie was out a few months ago, but I still have not let go. I don't want to. I'm going to keep reading Harry Potter, over and over again. I'm going to keep my connection to magic still as strong as when I first laid eyes on it. I will not relinquish this one, most amazing world I've been presented with.

No other book or fictional world has quite latched on to me (more like I've latched on to it) like this has; much like a that leech in Terra Nova, sucking the blood from the hyperoxic thief, greatly relishing the high levels on oxygen in his blood. Whenever I get bored of my reality, or if I find I need just a little relief, I will delve into the magic once more. As Emma says, it's escapism. My Platform 9 and 3/4 away from my reality of most Dursley-ish proportions.

I love Harry Potter and anything to do with it. And I'm all for supporting all the actors who worked in the movies in whatever they venture into. Also, J.K Rowling is seriously one madly talented woman. Honestly, she never has to write another book again. She will be up there on the wall of fame with the likes of Muhammad Ali and Micheal Jackson. She shaped a generation, my generation, and I'm thoroughly grateful for it.

I would like to end this post with something really witty that I found on Tumblr, especially to all the people out there who insist that Twilight is better than Harry Potter (I think someone might have slipped you a Befuddling Draught in your morning pumpkin juice):

Deαr Twilight, Our Chαrlie works with drαgons - yours is α bαd pαrent. Our Bella was a psychotic fighter - yours couldnt fight her way out of a paper bag. Our James was a Marauder - Yours was a creepy guy. Our Alice still loves her son even though she lost her mind - yours is an irritating, overly preppy child. Our Blacks are a complicated family warring between themselves over the rights of good and evil - yours are two idiots who think they know everything. Our Robert Pαttinson is good, loyαl, mαn who got murdered by Voldemort - yours spαrkled in the sun. Our werewolf died trying to creαte α better world for his son to live in - yours fought over α girl who wαs αlreαdy tαken. Sincerely, The people who wαnt you to stop steαling our nαmes.


No real offence intended :)

Maybe I should get an owl?

38 Days

Oh hi! :)

Guess what? Only 38 days to go before I am free! Free from my alarm ringing at 5.30am every weekday, free from the blue and white baju kurung which is my identity around 5-7 hours for 5 days a week. Also, and most important of all, I will be free from SCHOOL!

School will be out for good! I have waited years for this momentous, most joyous day to come and now, I can finally see it! I thought I was nearing the end about 2 years ago. That, as I soon discovered, was a temporary relief. But now, now it is the end. The permanent end. I am sure of it.

First, it was 2 years in kindergarten, learning the alphabet and how to count, making tissue paper worms and plastic bottle cap flowers, and meeting my best friend. Then, 6 years in primary school of making friends, learning to make the right choices, being bullied and learning to stand up for myself. Also, it's where I learnt math, discovered my love for writing and went on my first camping trip (in school and the first time out of school too). After that, it was 5 years in secondary school; a much scarier place but also the most educational. I discovered myself, developed and addiction to books, really bonded with my best friend (through thick and thin, countless fights and celebrations) and had some of the best times of my teenage life.

It could have ended there, but of course, it didn't. After the blissful and highly exciting 6 months of everyday being Friday, I went back to school, which is my last sentence. I'm almost at the end and I have to say, however much I'm awaiting the last day, I really am going to miss it all. Here, these past 18 months, I've met a great many people, funny and dramatic, nice and most irksome. I've learnt many useful things, from textbooks and teachers, had to dodge an almost stalker-ish young man's advances (does the first to approach always have to be a weird one?), had my mind set altered by a great bunch of students and also, met some people with positively noxious behaviours.

All this, I am grateful for. And this brings me to what happens 38 days from now. Freedom. Complete and exonerating. I will, finally, be able to say sayonara to that chapter of my life. In 38 days, a whole host of doors will be open to me and I can choose to walk through any one of them. More then one, if I choose to.

The point is, I will be able to explore. That is what I am most looking forward to. New people, new places, new experiences and, as one of my friends pointed out to me, NEW FOOD! :) I am hyped up! A whole new chapter in my life of pages just waiting to be read, scribbled in. Fuuh!

38 Days.

Melting Pot!

These past few days, I've taken to scribbling down my thoughts (and sometimes even using the notepad on the Kindle). I want to put it all up here but there are quite a few different topics and separating them in different posts would mean a lot of loading and reloading of the website which will take forever on this computer. So, I have opted to type it all out here, in one post. :) Hope you (though I think no one reads this other than my mother) enjoy this melting pot of thoughts!

Criminal Justice System:
I read in the newspaper the other day that a man was sentenced to death for trafficking drugs (430 grams of it). Just below that was another article but this one was of a man who was sentenced to 16 years in jail for raping 2 girls. I am thoroughly appalled!

Is this really how the law works? Trafficking drugs can get you executed but raping 2 people can get you a measly 16 years in jail? I fail to see the logic in that. Drug trafficking is categorised as a more dangerous and therefore more heavily punishable crime than rape? Really?

Is this the message we are sending to the world? You can sell drugs, we'll just kill you. End of story. You can rape 2 people, we'll just put you in jail for 16 years. You can then get out, sometimes earlier if you're on good behaviour, and you can start raping again.

This is justice?
Oh vomit!

Society:
Sometimes I see people around me who seem to lack the simplest, most basic values like manners and gratitude. What really got me thinking about this was my teacher saying to the class, "you studied Pendidikan Moral (Moral Studies) for 5 years and yet, you still act like a bunch of monkeys, breaking as many school rules as you can."

In school, we had Pendidikan Moral. We had to learn all the values by heart as well as their corresponding definitions. If you got even one word out of line, you would be destined for failure (which is a big no-no!). We heard words like kerajinan (diligence), baik hati (good hearted), and tanggungjawab (responsibility). But that's all they were, merely words.

We were not taught the real way of behaving and treating others. We had example like "you have to give the elderly your seat on the bus" but that was just so we could answer the questions. The morality we learnt was merely conceptual and there was a heavy leaning towards making sure we memorised all the values and getting A's in our exams rather than actually understanding or applying any of it.

It's no wonder the current majority is made up of rude, unsympathetic, in-compassionate beings (but they just don't realise it). We do the best with what we were taught and trust me when I say, the best we can get from "You must score all A's" is not nearly as great as "this is how a decent person acts and we should all strive to be decent". Not nearly as great.


My Current State of Mind: 
(not very interesting but hey, it's my blog after all)

Feel... What do I feel? Hmm... I'm not entirely sure. It's in my head somewhere. Let me take a crack at it.

It's kind of an out of body experience, only, not really. I know I'm here - I feel present and aware of what's going on around me - but my brains and thoughts and some emotions are kind of separated. I'm not completely here. It's like I'm seeing myself through a glass wall. I see everything and I hear everything but I don't quite feel everything the same way. Not sensations like hot and cold or other nerve-receptor related feelings but real feelings like emotions in my heart and my brain. They're there, just not as strong. I feel somehow disconnected.

I think it's because I know (somehow) that my life is on course. I don't know exactly where I'm headed but I do know that I'm heading the right way and I just can't wait to get school over with so I can take the next step. It's like I'm suspended, waiting for my turn to walk out the door.

I'm coming... or going, depending on which way you choose to look at it.

Loss:
So young. He was too young. I can't imagine how his family is going to handle the loss. His mother, his sister. How can they go on?

I don't know what I'd do if I lost my brother like that. So young, so sudden. I'd probably breakdown. Be unable to function for the better part of my self prescribe and very long mourning period. Never able to be the me I used to be when he was alive.

I wouldn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. I'd just want to spend the last few hours I had with my brother before we bury his lifeless body in the earth forever. I would probably start yelling at people after a while. They'll be trying to console me but I won't want to hear any of it. Words wouldn't bring him back. He would have gone somewhere I won't be able to follow. I would prefer if they just left me alone to mourn.

I hope they can go on with life.

Finally,
STPM:
Haha:)
In 17 days, I will face the beginning of the end of my school days. I'm pretty stoked about it. I'm finally getting in the right frame of mind for some studying and I feel like I can definitely do this.

Right now, my countdown will not be till the start of the exams. Instead, I'll be counting down the days till the 15th. At 5pm on that day, I will be free! No more white and blue uniforms. No more waking up at 5.30am. I can even paint my school shoes! :)

I cannot wait!

Tuesdays With Morrie

Ok, I've been writing this for a while now, but only just decided to finish it and post it. Laziness got the better of me :P

Tuesdays With Morrie is an amazing book!

I was crying and laughing and understanding and learning. This is a book for reading. Seriously, everyone should read it. Morrie Schwartz was and incredible man (it's a true story, by the way). His views on life and love and especially death, are so close to us. It's personal but also unifying. He makes you think without you knowing that he's doing it.

I would love to have had the chance and privilege to meet him. To talk to him and ask him things just to hear how he perceives it. Mitch Albom was one lucky man, to have been able to see him at his best, and worst too. To want to see him live longer and yet to want to see his suffering end. The tension of opposites.

This book covers everything from life, love, family, marriage, culture, death and more. It's not a book that tells you what to do or how to do it. It's not a book for you to scan through, hoping to find an immediate cure for your problems. It's a book to make you think and rethink. To help you evaluate yourself and open up to new ideas. It's a book to help you conquer fear - not show you how to do it but to prove to you that it is entirely possible, that's it's scary but not all that impossible.

Mitch Albom wrote it out all so beautifully and when he describes Morrie's character, how his smile lights up a room, how he listens to you like nothing else matters, how you can see him dancing even though he can no longer move his body. Morrie was a great teacher, too. He can even teach through the pages of a book after leaving this world 16 years ago. Imagine that.

I think the best way to show you what I've learnt from this book is to quote some of the passages in it.

• “The problem, Mitch, is that we don’t believe we are as much alike as we are. Whites and Blacks, Catholics and Protestants, men and women. If we saw each other as more alike, we might be very eager to join in one big human family in this world, and to care about that family the way we care about our own.”
• “If you let the fear inside, if you pull it on like a familiar shirt, then you can say to yourself, “All right, it’s just fear, I don’t have to let it control me. I see it for what it is.”
• "Take my condition [He has ALS]. The things I am supposed to be embarrassed about now - not being able to walk, not being able to clean myself, waking up some mornings and wanting to cry - there is nothing innately embarrassing about them. It's the same for women not being thin enough, or men not being rich enough. It's just what our culture would have you believe. Don't believe it."
• "The truth is, part of me is every age. I'm a three-year-old, I'm a five-year-old, I'm a thirty-seven-year-old, I'm a fifty-year-old. I've been through all of them, and I know what it's like. I delight in being a child when it's appropriate to be a child. I delight in being a wise old man when it's appropriate being a wise old man. Think of all I can be! I am every age, up to my own. Do you understand?"
• "Love each other or perish."

Morrie is a smart man, and he gets to me. He lives life not caring about opinions and neither does he rush through it. He savours his life, not attaching himself to the outer world the way we do. We are dependant, Morrie isn't. He always chooses positivity. He might take some time when he wakes up in the morning but he gets there eventually. Morrie chooses to have good days. He knows that he is the only one who can control what he feels and he does that by embracing life, with all its glory and darkness.

It's not about imitating Morrie and his beliefs. It's about finding your own beliefs that are uncontaminated with that of the general world. Finding who you are and sticking to that no matter what because you are in control of your own mind. Why give in to the norms when you can be just the way you are?

Morrie Schwartz, a man, a teacher, a true human being.

Short o' cake

Ok, so I've recoloured my blog. It looks ok now I guess.

I'm supposed to bake a cake for someones (or two) birthday which is tomorrow. It's a chocolate cake with some special butter cream orange icing. And chocolate fans!

Well, according to the recipes, the batter is supposed to fill two 8 inch round cake tins. Meaning, I'd end up with two round cakes. Then I'll cut the two cakes horizontally to get 4 layers. Problem is, I don't know what the book means when it says 8 inch round pan. Does it mean 8 inch in diameter or 8 inch in circumference? That's two different sizes, you know.

So, since I was confused, I used a 5.5 inch square pan instead. According to the logic in my brain, i should be able to get 2 cakes from that batter if I use the 5 inch pan. Logically la. But then again, how logical can that conclusion be when I don't even know what the book means by '8 inch round pan' ?

Anyway, I used the square pan and it turns out that the batter is only enough for 1 cake. Does this mean that the batter really was meant for one cake and I was supposed to make 2 batches? Why didn't they just say so!
Now, I have a 5.5 inch square cake that's not really very tall. It won't look birthday cakey at all. So, I have to whip up another batch of batter and bake another cake.

Which is when I realise that I only have 1 egg left. Not a good sign. So, I've sent bro to the shop to get some eggs. He's been gone for a while now. I think he sent his car for servicing too. Mangkuk.

Oh well, I'll just have to wait then. :P

Me lost. You help?

I'm having a little bit of a cosmetic issue with my blog right now. I want it to be colourful and the header to reflect who I am, but it's not going too well. I've changed my layout and template so often; even I don't know what my concept is anymore. I need some serious help!

It used to have a black background with colourful text and what not. I've changed that to white for a lighter look but I'm suddenly lost on the colour. What should I do? Which way should I go? Colourful? Or pick a theme? Should I keep the white background or maybe add some colour? Maybe add a lot of colour??

And what of my header? I can't think of a suitable header or blog title. Right now, it's "A Big Bowl of Something". I chose that in an attempt to capture the variety in my blog but it sounds so... alphabet soupy. I cannot remember what I called it when I first started but I know that for the most part, my blog title was "One Day at a Time", which is really a reflection on how I live my life.

I've toyed around with the idea of just using my name as the title but that seems so generic when I do it. I've tried other stuff too, like "Words" ('cause I my blog is basically a writing blog. No picture, just thousands of words) and "Bloop Bloop Bloop" ('cause Mina says I sometimes look like a fish). These titles I am not satisfied with. They're flat. There's no real life in them at all.

I need something that really pops. Something with some life and some pizazz! Something enticing that will make you go, "Hey now, this sounds like it could be an interesting blog to explore" or "I don't mind spending sometime reading something with a title like that!"

I need a header that captures the essence of who I am and therefore, what my blog is like. I am an idealistic, old fashioned, food loving over thinker with an unusual love of words who is sort of anti social. How to I get that all in a few short words? This is going to require the help of many brains at work.

Anyone, anyone at all who has any suggestions whatsoever as to what might work in this part of cyberspace, please drop a comment! :) Anything at all will be helpful. Maybe you have some ideas on a title or even a theme I could consider. All is welcomed. I just need some fresh ideas to get my own juices flowing.

Cheers!

Kaleidoscope.
Yes? No? Maybe?

I Want My 0.3!!

Dinesh taught us something in school today. It's one of the exercises he had to do for T4YP. Some theater thing to help with pronunciation.

We have to say 'everybody' then 'verybody' followed by 'erybody' and so on. Do you get it? We start with the word 'everybody'. Then, that is followed by the word 'verybody' which is 'everybody' minus the 1st alphabet. This, then, continues on till you are only left with the last alphabet.

It's a real work out for you jaw-muscles!. Try saying it over and over again, increasing your speed as you go!

Fuuh! My cheeks are aching right now. But it was a lot of fun! :)

Anyway, school was ok. Mina was absent (after telling me to make sure I turn up for school!). But things were still ok. We had some major dramas, though. Our CGPA's were affected because the computer system churned out the wrong marks for all of us. Seriously! Many of our CGPA's really dropped! When they fix this, and I hope they do, my CGPA will go up by 0.3. I know that sounds small but trust me, it's plenty.

Another thing was that our Literature marks weren't included. Which means, our CGPA is based on only 3 subjects as opposed to every one's 4 subjects. The SU Peperiksaan insisted that we find a way to include Literature in our trials. And we did! We made sure our teacher had a question paper for us and that she marked in in time for our class teacher to key it all in. But they didn't! Susah, susah only la.. :(

Apparently there's a reason for this but we couldn't find the SU Peperiksaan to ask her. I'm going to make sure I ask her tomorrow. I'm really upset. This is so unfair! How are we supposed to apply for any early scholarships or early acceptance without Lit? Lit was the whole reason for me going to La Salle in the first place. For the course I want to do, Lit is a major upside. Without that on my trial results, it's useless!

Gimme my Sijil Berhenti Sekolah! Hmph.... :(

p.s: Nesh loved his present and so did Visha. Mina, well, we'll find out tomorrow.

Only 39 DAYS to the beginning of the end!!

I Am Sam

I am Sam is a movie about a developmentally challenged father raising his 7 year old daughter. Sam Dawson (Sean Penn) had the mental capacity of a 7 year old and he has been raising his daughter, Lucy (Dakota Fanning) all on his own. Sam is a nice guy who tries very hard and learns. He has a huge capacity for love. You cry, he hugs you. Lucy is small and bright and full of love. No matter how terrible it seemed, she always loves her father and she didn’t want anyone else.

One day, Sam was approached by a prostitute and because he didn’t know better, Sam almost went with her. A policeman saw them and took Sam to the police station. They knew it wasn’t his fault, so they let him go. However, there was a Social Services officer at the station. After seeing Sam, she thought something should be done because he seemed incapable of raising a child.

On the day of Lucy’s 7^th birthday, Sam decided to throw a surprise party for her. Sadly, the officer came to took her away. There was some drama. The judge then ruled that Sam gets visiting rights, twice a week.

Sam, then, found himself a lawyer who drove herself into a corner and had no choice but to work for him pro bono. They try to come up with a witness list that can help Sam out. These witnesses included Sam’s best friends who are similarly challenged and some other people that can help.

All the while, Lucy was placed under foster care. She didn’t like it at all, obviously. Sam and his lawyer, they tried so hard. All he wanted was to give her love. He just wanted his child and she wanted her father. This whole movie is very raw and basic. It’s about love and friendship. That’s it, nothing else. It’s not clouded with anything else.

There is one part when the opposition attorney, Mr. Turner (Richard Schiff who played Toby in The West Wing [mama will appreciate that]) asked Sam if he thinks he can raise Lucy. Sam quoted a Beatles song; Paul McCartney wrote the first verse and handed it over to John Lennon to write the rest. Lennon wrote, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” That’s what you need, Sam said. That’s what you need.

Also, Mr. Turner asked Sam if he could provide Lucy with everything she needs as she grows up. Sam said no, he couldn’t give Lucy everything. He wants to but can’t. It’s important that I mention now just how stressed Sam was feeling by this time. He was being bombarded with questions from this almost hostile lawyer and Sam felt overwhelmed. He was afraid and overwhelmed.

I think Mr. Turner was trying to prove that Sam, who had the capacity of a 7 year old, was incapable of raising a child. He was trying to prove that she could get everything she needed, somewhere else.

Here’s what I think: Sam was right. He cannot give Lucy everything she needs. But then again, no one can. No one can give their child the best school, the best toys, the best food the best care and the best everything else, all at the same time. It’s impossible. Every parent wants that for their child but they just can’t do it. They can try but it’s unlikely that they can give everything. And Sam is just like every other parent, in that aspect. Are you telling me you’re going to drag all the other families to court too on these ground?

Anyway, Sam reached a point where he almost gave up. Lucy seemed ok with her foster family and he felt hopeless. But his lawyer, Rita Williams (Michele Pfieffer) got his hopes up. She helped him get a job he can enjoy (dog walker). Things started to look fine, until the foster family decided to try and adopt Lucy.

Sam decided to move closer to Lucy because he missed her and also taking the bus really wasted a lot of time. So, he bought an apartment nearby. Lucy found out about this while selling Girl Scout Cookies in the neighbourhood and started sneaking out of her room. She would walk to her father’s apartment. Sam, surprised as he was, didn’t keep her. He didn’t let her stay there nor did he take her away some place far. Instead, he took her back to her foster family. This became some sort of a routine until the family decided to fix bars on Lucy’s windows (nice ones).

Her foster mother told her that she only had to ask if she wanted to see her father. Any time, any day, she could see her father. They would take her.

The foster family wanted to prove to the court that they could provide her with the kind of love that she has never had before. They change their minds, however, when they see just how much Lucy and Sam love each other. They see just how much they need each other to survive. Lucy already has that kind of love and nothing can replace it.

This movie didn’t exactly get very great reviews but I think it’s a great movie. Yes, it’s kind of sappy and predictable but it’s a happy ending that we all want to see. Also, some people say this movie is  "Undone by its best intentions, I Am Sam is an especially insipid example of the Hollywood message movie.” I think it is, but I also think that there’s nothing wrong with that. I love message movies. They’re great.

I cried so much during this movie. Tears rolled down my cheeks when I watched ‘I’m Not Stupid 2’ and ‘Pay It Forward’. But this time, this time I actually cried. By cried, I mean sobs: real sobs and tears and heaving of breath. I was a mess!

This movie, the actors and the ‘predictable’ storyline was all well choreographed. I loved it. I cried throughout almost the entire movie. The entire movie!

Scenes I cried at the most:

• Sam was reading a book to Lucy, something her teacher gave her. He was having difficulty with some words. Lucy ended up saying she didn’t want to listen to that story and asked Sam to read his favourite book instead, Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss

• Sam learns that Lucy is holding herself back in school because she doesn’t want to be intellectually superior to her father. He gets her to read that hard book. She stops at the word ‘difficult’ (the same word he has trouble with) and pretended not to know it. He then said to her, “I’m your father and I'm telling you to read the word.” He knew he had to push her and eventually, she read it to him. “I like to hear you read. It's makes me happy to hear you read.”

• In the cafeteria, Sam wanted to pay for lunch. His lawyer tried to say no. She said he didn’t have to. She said he didn’t have to pay for lunch just to seem more grown up. He became understandably upset. He told her that she thought they thought (they being the Child and Family Services). She tried to say that what she thought didn’t matter in court but Sam said it mattered to him

• Sam and Lucy in the bus. Lucy conned the social service officer and her father too. She took him on a bus ride and they stayed on the bus and then got down at a park far away. Just the two of them.

• When Sam took the stand.

• When Sam had given up. He stayed in his old apartment, making origami. Rita shows up and tires to talk to him. Sam says that she doesn’t know what it’s like to keep trying and trying and trying and never get there. She was born perfect but he was born like that. People like her didn’t know what it’s like to be hurt. Boy, did she give him a wake up call. She said he wasn’t the only one. People like her feel lost and small and ugly and dispensable. People like her have a son who hates her (not really la, just not a good relationship). She cried and he hugged her.

• When Sam and Lucy were hugging and the officers had to pull them apart.

Sean Penn played his part very well and so did the young Dakota Fanning. She received many awards for her role in this movie. This movie was great. I would watch it again and again.

p.s: I actually wrote this out on Microsoft Word. A whole different thing. But my computer decided to restart itself without my permission just before I clicked the save button. Also, the Autorecovery thing doesn't seem to be working. So, I had to rewrite this from scratch. I don't like this version as much as I liked the first. Sadly, I can't get it back. This will have to do. It was hard to rewrite this, especially when my head was throbbing with anger. Seriously, I just want to stab this PC. I'm trying to concentrate here, HELLO!

:)

Wolves, Princesses and cute Boys!

Sunday:

So, I've obviously been AWOL these past few days. I've actually just been very lazy. I log in to Blogger and end up logging out again because the thought of typing out the words in my head seemed pretty dull work at the time. It still kind of is - mainly because I don't really have anything to rant about. Or, I do, but it's all little stuff that's scrunched up together which requires a certain amount of energy to untangle. 

And yet, here I am, typing. I do this, oddly enough, not when I'm physically fit but when my left arm is screaming out for repose.

Ok. Change of plans. I have to sleep now, so my brother keeps telling me. Continued later.

***

Tuesday:

Hello. I must be some weirdo. I'm supposed to be working, and I thought that since the WIFI connection is down, I might actually move a little faster. Boy, could I be any more wrong. I got the broadband out. :)

Ok, so here's the scoop. My left arm was protesting on Sunday because on Saturday, I carried Dillon around a lot. He's 2 and he's a lot smaller than me but man is he heavy! Or maybe I'm just not fit? A little of both I think.

On Saturday, we were all supposed to go to Port Klang to see the Lugos ship. The Dulos' sister or something. But, big brother had a futsal tournament and we ended up going for that instead. Dillon was so excited. I can see the resemblance between my two brothers very clearly now. If I let Dillon down, he'd run right into the court! He wanted to join then but they're big buffaloes playing a friendly match. They take their futsal very seriously.

So, I had to hold on to Dillon the entire time. And every few seconds, he'd go, "Where's kohkoh?" (which means brother in Chinese, although the spelling might be wrong.) Once, big brother got out of the game because he was really tired, and he couldn't breathe properly. Dillon's attention was totally off the game. He only had eyes for his brother who he knew wasn't ok. So then, I had to carry Dillon to our brother.

So, so cute!

We ended up not going to the ship because by the time the match was over, Dillon was beat. So, they headed back and we did too.

Which then takes me backwards to Thursday. THE BIG BAD WOLF BOOK SALE!

The best book sale ever! Since I won the preview pass (picture above), mum and I got to go a day earlier. Us and another few hundred or so people. But that didn't matter at all because the hall was ENORMOUS and it felt like no one was there.

Anyway, mum and I bought many a book. I completed my Princess Diaries set, found Artemis Fowl: The Atlantic Complex and a few other good looking books. Mama bought quite a few romance novels and we we grabbed tons of recipe books! We even bought a Jamie Oliver Christmas Special Food Magazine. Sweet:)

We spent almost 2 hours in there and we could have spent more time but we didn't want to hurt out wallets too much. So, hard as it was, we dragged ourselves to the cashier and paid for our loot. Only RM200+ for about 30 books. Magical! We kinda took the extremely long way home but it was worth it.

I went to the sale again yesterday! This time, I took Nadiah, Claudine and Maria with me. We went in the evening so there wasn't much of a crowd. We didn't even have to line up to go in. We did get lost on the way though. I took the wrong turning so we ended up on the wrong side of the road from the MARDI entrance. I took one big round and started again. We made it there after 2 hours. *Phew*

The sale was still worth it though. They added more books. I was looking for the fourth Princess Diaries book (apparently I missed that ): ) But I couldn't find it. Nor did I find the Ultimate Cake book mama wanted or her novel. I did find some awesome Princess Diaries extras though. The are 10 books in the series and a few smaller books in between. Found two so far, and I'm going to start looking for the rest! Also, I found a great present for MeshPot:)

Oh, another big news, KINDLE has ARRIVED! I have my own Kindle now! IT'S ALL MINE! muahahahaha! :)

Can't wait to get started! All these books to read, and only 2 months till the end of my school life, it's stoked! :)

Okok, I have to get back to work now. Earn me some $$ :)

*Starstruck*

I have not learnt how to describe the sensation of your insides sighing and swooning. But that's how I felt today and still feeling right now!

Today was a great day. I haven't felt like this in such a long time. In fact, I can't remember when I last had this feeling at all.

School was great. Today was our last day before an 11 day break (because of PMR). Everyone had a ball of a good time. Our P.A teacher was missing in action, which meant 2 free periods. Also, we got our Econs marks back and I didn't do too bad. My CGPA isn't all that good but I feel improvement coming my way:)

Also, I found out that I won 2 media passes to the biggest, baddest book sale in Malaysia! The Big Bad Wolf Books Sale is opened to me and a few lucky others, one day earlier! :) I am pumped!

After school, my brother and I headed to the mall where he works. It was his off day so we hung out. That in itself was awesome because I really miss him! Anyway, we had something to eat and then we headed to the cinema, planning to watch a movie. However, there was nothing nice on. So that's the plan scuppered.

Anyway, on our way out, guess who I saw? Yusuf Amin! Some of you are probably wondering who this Yususf Amin person is. Well, let me fill you in. Yusuf Amin is part of the T4YP Alumni. T4YP stands for Theatre for Young People. It's a Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Centre (KLPAC) thing. Yusuf joined the ensemble last year, with Dinesh. I first saw him in Twelfth Night as Orsino, Duke of Illyria. I remember thinking how great he was. The only other play I've seen him in is their latest T4YP production, Much Ado About Nothing. This time, Yusuf was in the alumni. He played Claudio. Again, amazing. He's has this presence about him.

I saw Yusuf Amin sitting in a restaurant, using his laptop. At first I didn't know if it really was him, but then I kept right on looking and, I think he sensed the power of my gaze because he suddenly turned his face towards me. I knew right then it was him. Also, my reflex action was to look away, which I did, after that split second recognition. That was starstruck moment number one.

Here comes starstruck moment number 2.

When we got home, I immediately went online, as usual. I checked my twitter account and I saw that someone replied to one of my tweets. It was none other than Nick Dorian himself! Wow! Two KLPAC encounters in one day? Phew!

Nick Dorian joined T4YP in 2009, but I first saw him in Twelfth Night too. He was Feste, the clown. And in Much Ado About Nothing, he played the part of Benedict. Nick Dorian has a really nice singing voice. It's beautiful! I just loved the part when he sang in those plays.

So, after watching Much Ado About Nothing, I tweeted about it, tagging T4YP. Nick Dorian replied to that tweet. My tweet! Then I replied to that which he then replied to. This went on for a few more tweets. I had a mini conversation with Nick Dorian! To me, this is akin to talking to Orlando Bloom. I was, honestly just so excited and in disbelief. Me, he replied to me! Just some random girl who saw him in a play. Wow! I felt so starstruck.

Awesome Possum man!

Those two encounters were amazing. Seeing one actor in real life, and having a conversation with another via twitter. No, they're not Hans Isaac or Siti Nurhaliza famous but I'd take KLPAC actors over the other kind anytime. They're stars to me.

I know, I shouldn't be so excited seeing as one of my classmates in an actor at KLPAC but this is just, argh! I know Dinesh, but I don't know Nick Dorian or Yusuf Amin. It's just different.

Anyway, because of the days events, I am on cloud nine. Nothing has brought me down, and nothing will. Not today at least:)

HAPPY!!!!!!!